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October, November 2005

> Can K cause panic attacks? Does anybody here have advice
> on how to treat it or what to do while your loved one is getting it?

I don't really experience panic attacks that much anymore. But in the past, the Bach Flower Remedies are a good all-natural fix, and are available at most health food stores. Many people swear by the Bach remedies: "Rescue Remedy" and "Rock Rose." You can also mix the two together, and there are no side effects. You simply put a few drops under the tongue or in a glass of water, and it does tend to provide many people with some relief. Try Googling Bach Flower Remedies to learn more about it.


Subject: lost beyond definition

I'm feeling quite lost with my seeking, and I am experiencing this externally as well.

I am looking for some life direction and I can't seem to find it.

Most spiritual people always give the same advise, to listen to the heart voice for direction, and sometimes I can hear what it says and I act on it,

but only sometimes.

Those ahead must of experienced feelings of being lost, and I seem to be stuck with this feeling. I can't shake it loose. It has a hold on me. It's like a pit that i've fallen into, which i'm sure can help me go forward, but I have to discover the secret to the cavern that i'm exploring.

Any direction in which I take, I will have to completely face and trust the unknown, something which i've leapt into before, but is still a tough thing to face.

I was going to say that I want to be happy, but in fact I want to be enlightened which is beyond the state of happiness and unhappiness. To be in bliss which means to at complete peace with everything.

I feel indecisive, stuck, disconnected, confused, unfulfilled, lacking focus, filled with uncertainty, i'm daydreaming a lot, lacking motivation and any purpose to life. I feel like my life was an accident. I have a feeling of dissatisfaction that won't go away. I also feel that i'm still trying to please others, especially family with my life decisions.

Somebody mentioned that i'm experiencing 'Saturn return', this would seem to correlate to what i'm experiencing, and I have a strong bout of it.

There are several interesting websites and i've yet to make an extensive search, so it's interesting to see that this is a known phenomenon, and so in that i'm not alone.

Am I still holding onto something that I need to let go of ?

I'm working hard at becoming more conscious of me, but it takes time. I can see that there are many areas in me which could benefit from the torchlight of awareness.

Ultimately within me, I already know the answers, I just have to find the right path to reach them.

If anyone has any guidance on how to do this, then I would appreciate it.



I'm afraid I'm not qualified to give guidance, but I can tell you a little of my path.


I never focus on what's lacking in my life. Never have.

I 'see' abundance everywhere in my life.

I do not nurture regrets.

In every experience, I try to see the beauty, the joy - or the lesson.

Although I have suffered in life, suffering is not an emotion I embrace, it is like a warning flag saying 'keep away'.


(I did once try to enter depression a couple years ago, to learn more about it, but it was way too scary. I tried to see the world around me as wrong, and within a few hours I started feeling really low. And I could not construct any thoughts of escape. Emotion seemed to lag the mind by such a long way, that 'happy' or 'positive' thoughts appeared impotent to alter my mood. And that realisation made me feel even worse.

I finally escaped after a day or so, by not fighting it, or studying it, or giving it energy. And not expecting any thought or action to make me feel better. But to have a kind of inner faith that by surrendering to patience, the normal joy of living would return. Thankfully it did.)


I avoid any media programming which drives the mind to despair. My mind is not strong enough for that. Like my body cannot survive a collision with a 100mph truck.

I do not deny or feel shame for what gives me pleasure. I embrace all the 'sins'. But never at the expense of others. If I enjoyed killing or predatory sex - I'd do it virtually - like in a war game, or I'd use the imagination of the mind.

I've learned that imaginary experience, virtual experience and real sensory experience have equal access to the emotions. This is a very profound realization.

I am completely attached to all the things, music and people in life that give me pleasure. I really value them. Though I never presume their permanence. There is a huge difference.

I do not claim the right to anything. Life, property, freedom, happiness, health, wealth. Thus, should they ever turn up, they become such profound gifts, that I cannot help but feel the deepest of gratitude for them.

I create life goals that I believe are both worthwhile and achievable.



My name is A... i'm reasonably new to this list and I hardly ever post anything on it as I get the impression i'm not as 'awakened' as many of the people on the list.

I dont really feel qualified to give advice but I'll just share with you a few things that have helped me along the way.

I was seriously depressed a few years ago and i saw a psychologist who also happened to be psychic. He had a pretty different idea to most psychologists abouyt the reasons why we get depression.... I'm not saying you are depressed however. Anyway he asked me why I have given myself depression.

i thought that was rather strange at the time cause I wanted him to tell me. He asked what function does it serve in your life. I could only pin it down to my being not happy in my work life which was a major thing to have to admit as i had only graduated and been working two years. it was just such a huge thing for me to admit how unhappy i was after putting in so much time money and effort into it and I was so concerned about how stupid I would look giving it up.. it was like the only way I could get out of it on a subconcious level was to gat a serious case of depression. Equally I could have created an illness to serve the same function.

So anyway I'm not sure what your unhappiness relates to but you might simply ask yourself is there anything that you might be able to admit is not working for you. A job? a relationship? where you live? I ask that because you said you haver trouble following your path because of the need to please others

For me it was like i had to admit to myself and others that i was vulnerable and weak in a way. which was a major step for me... (Sounds like the'surrender' that everyone on the list seems to talk about)

Recently I felt hopelessley indecisive , stuck etc and i went to a channeller. He made me realise that I did have choices i.e in my career I can change direction. He said for me because i was quite supersensitive to energy that when i get into a slightly negative frame of mind (which could be caused by a comment from others regarding that I should be doing something for them when it goes against my path!!! something I have a lot of trouble with) I start to respond to that negative energy and it makes me indecicive i don't know what to think , where to go how to act and this all makes me try too hard to get it right. He said whereas life is a gift that you give yourself on a daily basis. So everyday he said for me to think...right what are the things i need to do with my day naturally. and what are the things i dont. If someone asks you to do something think well is this going to be productive to me and if not dont do it. If you dont follow your own path you attract the takers.

He further says that when you are plugging in to more of gods energy as I am sure you are doing R...since you are on this list. it makes you break down cycles that dont work for you anymore of course you can start to feel really unsettled in many areas. its like you are reinventing yourself as you are sending a higher frequency through your human cellular structure. The god in you is growing. Now you are looking at your life from the god in you not the little R...and so things start to look different.

Well I hope that is some help as I found the advice really helpful and I could really relate to what you were saying,

Cheers andf good luck



Subject: [K-list] severe depression

i have been going through a severe depression for the last 1 1/2 and i know it's k- related.

i've had shaktipat, and attentded retreats with my guru in hopes that this will balance its self out and to a small degree it has. i beleive this is a drawing out of past life karma's but it is getting increasingly hard to go to work and can't seem to enjoy myself in my downtime.

i am taking medication but am finding that it is hurting my body more than helping it.I know that our medical community does not embrace the concept of k so i really cant talk to the practitioners about it. I at times have tremendous burning throughout my body and i am begining to loose hope that this will ever lift. i don't believe in suicide. what does concern me is that my body might give out from all the stress that this process is putting on my >body.

i am sending this out i think more for comfort in hopes that people out there have gone through this and have come out of it and this is not only hapening to me. I hope that this is not something that will continue for the rest of my life becuase it won't be that long if this stress keeps effecting my body.

I aways find it such a chuckle when i read reports on depression and they say no one know what causes it. (ah if they were only open to the spirtuality of it all!!!!!). Any advise from people who have had these experinces?????




Hi A try the Bach Flower Remedies "Mustard" (depression) also "Olive" (exhaustion). These remedies work on the spiritual level most directly so they are very effective for K related states.




Got this link from one of the groups I belong to,



EH, going through a bunch of shite for yay so manny years, think i've been going down to the bottom of how much shite one person can deal with and still survive?? like going waayyy down and dealing with all of yer saddness all at once, hitting hte bottom of it & shooting back up to the top?? anyway -starts grounding himself to prospairity, money & large breasted bangin' women eh-


I guess I may be of some help because I have just completed another dark night cycle. And the last one was darker than most of the ones before. I was'nt sure this time I would make it out. In fact every cycle seems to go deeper into my darkness. Although I felt stuck in it, and I could'nt move my awareness out of it. I suspect you are also stuck inside yours, and you need to find some way to move out of it. This is what I think.

Meditation and hard physical exercise is the only answer that I know because it works for me. Occasionally I believe that guides somehow are involved in the process, but how this works I really don't know. I'm not aware enough to communicate with them to know what they are doing, but I do believe that beings on a different level of consciousness can affect our own much more easily.

I recently felt drowned in my depression, within that dark night cycle, it was like a flash flood that swept me off my feet and I was washed away to sea with it, almost never to be found. I believe this is when your diving deep into your unconscious, and this requires real guts because your searching for yourself, through your emotional baggage, which you think is you, but it is not. That's why you feel sad, stuck, depressed because while your searching, you've become identified with what you've found. Go deeper into your sadness, only then can you change permanently.


I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time, ... It is good that you checked in with your physician because depression can be a side effect of a lot of physical conditions and it is useful to rule these out.

Burning off karma is a good way to describe these periods. I call it psychological roto-rootering, although my experience has been more cyclical -- rough times alternating with enormous well-being and bliss. Over the years the cycles have sped up and the "normal" days vastly outnumber the really difficult ones. I have 3-5 days a month when I need to sit quietly and not pick a fight with my husband! This is after almost 11 years of active K.

Three things help me more than I can say: exercise, attention to nutrition, and the earth. Having a body-mind that is inflamed with K is no joke and learning how to care for this body-mind has required a lot of trial and error (still does).

In my case, exercise includes t'ai chi and bagua which regulate and ground the energy. Nutrition for me means a nutrient-dense diet (including lots of fruits and vegetables) and supplements that support brain function and lessen inflammation: the B's, the EFAs (flax seed oil or fish oil), ashwagandha, CoEQ10, St. John's Wort, among others. Check that whatever you decide to experiment with doesn't conflict with whatever medication you are taking.

The earth is my healer! I suffer if I do not spend some time outside, sitting, planting, walking, looking at trees. feeding the birds, checking out the size of the moon, whatever. It took me a long time to understand how iimportant this is to me because I am far from being a hiker or camper or anything. Now I see that I need to be nourished by the earth's energy, outdoors. Sunlight is an anti-depressant, too.

Dealing with K's effect on the body-mind is spiritual work, often hard work. But I have been taught so much along the way.



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