Tim Jerome

    One day, in meditation, I felt a pulse, or beat somewhere. I started sensing it, and bringing my pulses closer to it - breathing, heart, etc. I started getting this incredible wave. I allowed it to carry me, and an incredible feeling surged through me. All of a sudden 'I' blew up and out. Just a sense of total all-ness. It lasted for a long, long time. When I came back to 'me', I was crying, and my teacher was smiling.

    We worked for a while longer, but then one day he just said,"Goodbye". He had run dry. I was at a loss; I tried to continue, but it seemed that I was running out of steam, too. I meditated on and off for the next 5 years, but nothing really came of it like the experiences with him.

    In 1999, everything started up by itself. I was being pulled back into mysticism, and other facets of my life were coming together. Then one day, I started feeling 'it'; not the beats like in that meditation, but a sense of something else. I was experiencing what I knew now as shakti, and knew enough to just get out of the way and not fight it. It got a little more aggressive, but not enough to disrupt me. I'm still there. I know where my blocks are, by sensing. I don't have the hot/cold, but do feel at times disjointedness to the point of sensing need for grounding.

    I currently deal with the role of sexuality and love in this path; I am battling my own preconceived notions here. It's not an issue that my marriage is up to handling, so I am careful not to do anything I do not have to deal with right this minute. I have been in situations for which I knew the time was right, and now's not quite it. The integration of kundalini in my total life is very, very important to me. Not just as an avocation, but something that flows through every facet of my existence.