Melissa Fornof

• Monday, 03-Jun-96 07:36 PM - Part 1
• Monday, 03-Jun-96 07:36 PM - Part 2
• Sat, 08 Jun 1996 04:50:08 -0700

Part 1

   Hello, my name is Melissa Fornof. I don't know the first thing about computers, so forgive me if I am mistaken, but I think this is a personal e-mail address or home page message site of an individual. Now I will state my purpose.

   Recently, I have been undergoing strange experiences I believe to be Kundalini awakening. However, information on the subject is scarce, and what I found so far (even on the Internet) is too vague or too broad to be a real help to me. I am desperate to speak to a real person who knows just what is going on and can help me through this. Most of the personal accounts of Kundalini awakening I have read about are in essence true horror stories--that certainly doesn't reassure me. I would TREMENDOUSLY appreciate any help you could send my way.

   Thus far, these are the experiences I have had: It all began when I remembered a "trick" I learned as a kid. You slowly bring your hands together with eyes shut and you can feel heat between them. My mother and I tried this (years after learning about it), but it was different this time. Instead of heat, we both felt strong energy! We showed this to our husbands and others; most all felt it too. We assumed we were feeling our auras (we already believed living things are surrounded by invisible energy only detectable by special photography). So, we bought a book on auras, which introduced us to chakras and the Kundalini. We used a crystal as the book suggested to find the chakras and the direction of their spin. This convinced us that it was no B.S. And so our minds were opened to new "mystical" yet exciting possibilities.

   Then one night after reading out of a New Age book, I went to bed and had my first experience. I heard a buzzing that sounded like a fly/flies. I had heard it twice before; the first time I ignored it and went to sleep. The second time, I tried to find its source and could not; it seemed to hover around me. Very spooked, I stayed up most of that night. The third time I heard this noise, I realized what it probably was--something associated with the chakras (I read of an awakening experience that included this sound, described as bees). Then realizing that the sound was coming from inside me, I accepted that I was having some kind of an experience. Upon that acceptance, the noise grew louder. It started in my right ear, then traveled to the left over the top of my head in a headband shape. It would pause; then return to the right ear. It continued back and forth. As it did so, my scalp began to burn. Not intolerably, but uncomfortably and quite obvious. Then I began to feel a small burning circle on my forehead; the "third eye." This totally unexpected experience was frightening. However, I kept it controlled. I had read enough to know that panicking can cause a lot of pain.

   Since then I have numerous other sensations; none of them burning. I've felt "auric pressure" holding me down on the bed (though I could really move), tingling and itching sensations, relaxing heat in my limbs and up my lower spine, the feeling of a large ball pulsating in my open hands, pressure pushing down the third eye center, vibrations in areas of the first chakra and the throat chakra, and the feeling that my chest and sometimes stomach have disappeared; that I no longer breathe but rather air passes through me. I have also heard noises from inside my ear or head. Lately, I hear almost completely the sounds from my left ear. The noise I hear most is a low, "circular" sort of rumble; like massage equipment at a chiropractor's office.

   When trying to bring on experiences during the day once, I lied in bed for 2 hours, relaxing and breathing and just taking note of whatever happened. This was under no meditation guide or technique; I just did it. When I sat up after this, I was in a strange meditative state. My body was ultra-relaxed. I felt the urge to sway. I just let the energy move me. It moved me in a snake-like pattern from side to side and from front to back, and in a half-circle motion. It was accompanied by a laid-back happy feeling, like being drugged.

   Since then, twice I have had a sudden "relapse" from my very troubled teenage years when I smoked marijuana. The sensation is just like being stoned; everything moves slower and is just altered.

   During all of these experiences, I have focused on relaxing and NOT BEING AFRAID. That is not easy. When I get too scared, I have to sleep on the couch with the t.v. and light on. It's the only way I can make the experiences stop.

   The last experience happened last night. In a dream, I knew I had to wake up to keep our two cats from fighting. So I forced myself to wake up for real. It was only a dream; the cats were separated. But I then noticed my entire body was vibrating pretty strong--even inside my head. I tried to be calm and relaxed and unafraid, but I was afraid "it" was going to take me somewhere. I was also afraid that even a little fear would cause the journey to wherever or whatever to become a nightmare like the ones I have read about. So, with enormous effort (I was also pretty much paralyzed), I got out of bed. Another night on the couch.

   What is most intriguing to me about all of this is that I never practiced Yoga or chakra exercises or anything. This stuff just seems to happen to me for no apparent reason. I still don't do Yoga or anything else.

   I am so lost and scared. I really need help. Anything you could tell me, give me, send me, refer to me would be terrifically appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Part 2

   That's a pretty good description of what I've gone through before. However, some things have changed since then. Soon after that above letter, I had finals coming up in college. The Kundalini stuff was really interfering with my study and sleep time. I begged whatever was controlling it to make it to stop--at least until after finals. I spent every night on the couch with the tv and light on. And so, I made it through finals. Only the Kundalini happenings stopped completely and never came back. Recently I have tried to bring it back again, with some success. But it is somewhat different this time. I don't have the same spiritual, in-awe frame of mind. The experiences don't usually happen on their own, I have to concentrate to get something. However, I still have hot flashes and can usually bring on the snake-like flow that moves my body. Sometimes when I relax and get somewhat sleepy, if it's dark enough, I see swirls and balls of dim colors. Sometimes I even begin to see out of the corner of my closed eyes a white light moving up and down. I can feel that light. If it comes into full view, (eyes still closed and in the dark) it is accompanied by a light buzzing or vibrating sensation, heat, and a relaxed, warm, very comfortable drugged sensation. These are the main sensations I get now.

   As for your questions: I have never actually meditated by any guide, but I do sometimes do my own meditation of relaxing on the bed and trying to clear my mind. I told you of my "visions." Before, when the Kundalini was strong in me, I did start having unusually clear dreams and remembered them unusually well. They seemed to contain messages for me, so I got a Dream Dictionary and started deciphering. Most of them seemed to be telling me that I was undergoing a spiritual awakening, that it is a good thing and it will all be ok, and depicted my fears. I do not know what synchronicity means, so I can't say if I have or haven't experienced it. Please write back and tell me what it means. As for the emotions, I have not had significant mood swings as I have heard about. What I had before, which I don't have now to that degree, is a sense of oneness with the universe. A feeling that everything is connected, from the grass to the animals to the humans to the cosmos. I had a new perspective. It's like, beforehand I was a tiny ant who viewed the world from an ant's eyes. Then, I took on a third-person, above-the-world view. It's difficult to explain. Also, I felt like there was this huge bubble in the sky filled with higher consciousness or enlightenment, and that I just started to touch the outside of it.

   Also, the first round of Kundalini as well as this one seem to have something else in common. Very slight, sloppy, and insignificant psychic ability. I'm not even sure if it is psychic or just coincidence. I'll give you a few examples, and I would love to hear your opinion on them. My husband normally comes home around nine or ten at night from work, extremely rarely any earlier. One day, around one or two in the afternoon, my Mom left the room. When I heard the door open upon her return, I knew logically it had to be her, but for some reason I half expected to see my spouse. I was even somewhat suprised that it WAS my mom. A few hours later, John came home--3 or 4 hours early. Another time, we were about to leave for church. I had the strong impression that I was forgetting something--I checked twice, being drawn particularly to the baby's diaper bag, as if that's what I thought I was forgetting--nothing was missing. That night, as we arrived at church for the evening service, I realized I had forgotten to bring the baby's diaper bag. Yet another day, from eight in the morning, I had the overwhelming urge to check the mail every time I passed the front door. But our mail runs late--3-4 p.m. I kind of felt there was a package coming. When the mail did arrive, there was a small package in the box--a stop smoking unit called Phase-Out my mother (who lives with us) had been anxiously waiting for. Then, there's my baby's first birthday party. That day, I told my husband what to get at the store, and I took a nap. I had forgotten to tell him to get some vanilla ice cream. Just before I awoke, I had a dream. In it, was at a store. I was looking in the ice cream bin and I said, "I don't want this vanilla dipped in chocolate--I want pure vanilla and something all chocolate." When I got up, John came home with a tub of vanilla ice cream and a tub of chocolate.

   So what do you think? Psychic or coincidence? It's certainly weird. And if it's psychic, why is it so vague and so unimportant? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

   I have more to talk about, but I have taken enough of your time for now. Feel free to write me anytime and I'd love to hear of your experiences, too. Take care!

   Sincerely,
    Melissa Fornof

Sat, 08 Jun 1996 04:50:08 -0700