Hillary

   The experiences have occurred virtually nightly ever since. In Naked Lunch, Burroughs talks about the effect of mainline cocaine: "It hits you right in the brain, activating connections of pure pleasure." For me it seems to be like that. The body is awash in this exquisite pleasure and then the brain seems to explode. Sometimes it feels as though a locomotive is coming to take over the body. The body stiffens--and it's hard to move. It is so intense, it occasionally seems as if one were being made love to by a loving spiritual entity. Every cell of the whole body, toe to brain, interior and exterior, seems to dissolve, and one doesn't always know if the body will reconstitute! It is as though one is being "worked on."

   Six months into my experiences I woke up with a feeling that I had been in "Satori" through the lotus door. I remembered nothing of the experience, except the "fact" I'd been there. I have been lucky in that (so far) I do not seem to have suffered any ill effects from the energy. I have few outward symptoms; I sometimes feel that I am simply a conduit for the energy.