To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/12/24 12:15
Subject: [K-list] journey of everything
From: desiree helder
On 2004/12/24 12:15, desiree helder posted thus to the K-list:
Hi everyone,
I had trouble to find the group again.
But here i am ;-)
In the months i lost the group i had lots of experiences.
I feel a deep development in me of silence but also a heavy period of unconsciousness coming consciousness.
Well the first thing is beautifull, the last thing is a hard time...
I didn't know i had this all in me :-(~~~~
But going trough it, i saw really a chimney who was burning everything out of me as a symbol what is happening in me, but after those moments the rest and silence become deeper and deeper.
I had also a lucid dream a few weeks ago.
I was totally awaken but saw it in front of my eyes passing by.
Knowing that i was awake.
At the beginning it was not clear, saw black silhouets with blue ropes and something yellow around the head.
Coming closer to what i saw i saw that the yellow fog around the silhouets was golden coins raining around their head and body's.
Then i was totally in the dark and saw a face covered with a mask.
It was a manly face and i saw the eyes, mouth and nose and it stared at me the whole time when i was looking back.
But it didn't respond on me. So i saw several faces after each other looking at me but not reacting. These faces where very clear, not the same when i going for sleep and see sometimes faces.
Then i got trough a deep dark tunnel with total blackness.
And then i saw a red dragon at the bottom of the cave.
First at the side above it and looking at it it was very beautifull and impressive to watch it. It was pure energy total deep red but so alive.
The surface of the sun but then deep red.
it was really amazing when i looked at it and very beautifull. It looked awefull hot but i couldn't feel it, just the feeling the force of impressive overwhelming energy.
then suddenly i stood next to it. It was shivering and shaking with the head next to me and looking at me but it didn't do anything to me.
It just stared again like the faces before at me.
I was just looking at it with my awareness.
Then it was dark and then their was beautifull light in the cave and i saw a treasuretrunk (how do you call it in english?) of pure gold with precious stones decorated. Then i saw a golden staff also decorated with precious stones and then i saw a person of gold also with those decorated precious stones.
And then my dream in awaken state was over.
I think i traveled deep trough my unconsciousness in symbolic and passed the wachers of my unconsciousness at the beginning and saw after that the red dragon (kundalini) and then going deeper to see whats in us and what can be found when we develop in this kundalini journey.
I was only awareness without ego. I think with ego i couldn't come such deep in my consciousness passing those 'watchers'.
After this dream lots of shit came up from deep in me and it burned trough that chimney i saw in symbolic way.
Two weeks ago i experienced after all this weeks a deep moment of silence.
A cosmic consiousness, not being desiree anymore but a deep knowing and existance of energy.
After that i am not the same anymore. It was always a deep silence in me but it totally deepened deeper in a way, like it changed into a basic level i am all the time.
Trying to understand it doesn't help, just being aware of it, and at the strangest moments a deep knowing of everything looking at myself how i function (or not...).
I often had moments that i experienced a deep knowing that i tried to give words of what i know at such times. But now its mostly of the time there all the time. I am still desiree but there is shifted in me something that i am not desiree anymore in the depths.
Someone else going trough this also right now or did in the past?
I still don't meditate but often go to bed in the midday to have some rest because the whole process is very heavy often again at this time.
with Love
desiree
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