To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/12/05 23:59
Subject: [K-list] Void
From: Diamondsutra
On 2004/12/05 23:59, Diamondsutra posted thus to the K-list:
For me, the eternal, infinite black nothingness that I know as the void which
goes on and on and on forever and in which it was perfectly clear NO ONE knew
me and I was ABSOLUTELY alone, was not about thinking or processing anything.
The experience of it, the shock of experiencing nothingness and absolutely
aloneness, caused my body to tremble and when I opened my eyes I was back in
the room. This experience continued, on and on, when I closed my eyes I was
back in eternal nothingness; then trembling, then back in the room. The
vastness of the nothingness was astounding; the aloneness, frightening
and......powerless and helpless to affect any change. I could say I was
powerless and helpless but I couldn't find "I".
This went on and on.
Someone was there, a Sufi and he endeavored to help and instruct and
comfort me. It was a help to have him there. I went outside with his help
and stared into the black sky filled with shining diamonds and found there
the same eternity that I found inside when the eyes closed themselves.
At one point, my heart was ripped open in my chest and tears and sobbing
poured out. The vibrating and shaking and trembling of the body was enormous.
After that I was in union with the divine for about 3 months. In utter and
total home. In enlightenment as I know it to be.
This happened many, many years ago. In the '70's. I know the moment
clearly, the room in which I stood, the dressing table against which I
leaned, the window out of which I looked, when I "decided" to leave that home
and go into love with a certain man. I know that moment as I know that void.
People tell me that at the end of that void, there is light; that that void
leads to some eternal light at the end of it. I do not "know" that in my own
experience.
The void that I live in now, the nothingness that I call home, in which I
reside is not as deep, as eternal, as frightening as that first time. But,
in my experience, God does not repeat itself.
In love and gratitude to be able to communicate with you all again, Deesutra
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