To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/11/12 23:32
Subject: [K-list] Intimacy and Connection
From: Diamondsutra
On 2004/11/12 23:32, Diamondsutra posted thus to the K-list:
I understand that----"aloneness is presence of oneself" and that
"lonliness is absence of the other."
For me these past few days have been an intense burning in the crown which
I assume and (likely rightly so) had come from too much time in front of the
computer. It did let up beautifully yesterday (ll-ll), which was a clear,
golden day in which a friend visited and we walked up the mountain in the
beautiful colorful leaves and majestic mountain surrounded meadows. Que
magnifique! Could this be the effect of the harmonics of which you speak?
Quien sabes!
It seems these past few months have been , for me, facing one thing after
another.
First the sleeping meds, then smoking and now.....an intense longing for
connection and intimacy with man....in truth and love of God.
The place I live in is funny.....rural in the sense that it is not a town
or even a village; it is composed of one supermart, a bakery, two pubs, a
lakeside inn and a lakefront restaurant. Oh yeah, and a gas station. It is
an......area of lake, mountains, creeks, very forested...a few churches, many
beaches. Somewhat of a resort in summer. Boating. Fishing. People are
coupled up mostly and a lot of very ....shall I say...straight?? retirees
live here but not exclusively that. There are very few single people.....3??
4?? And it is not far enough bush to be utterly wild and therefore natural
and therefore beyond lonliness. (I've lived in such places and know the power
and rightness of deep bush to ....fulfill)
And in winter, people hunker down ...together. The lifestyle here is
isolated and I like that. It is where God has placed me. It is wonderful
for communion and meditation. My sensitivity, it seems has isolated me for
socializing, where, I guess, people meet one another...dances, events,,that
sort of thing. It has all dropped away.
But maybe that has nothing to do with the intense longing for love and
communion and connection with man that I am experiencing now. I know that I
am not "the wanting" and yet there is in me something so natural in being
open to love that often all I can do is lie down in it...very connected with
breath with the knowing repeating itself over and over in me
"I love.....I love.....I love"
knowing that this is love of God and as woman I am on earth to love man
and trusting that love in man form is a gift that will come when it does and
there is really nothing I can do to "get love" or "find love". Even though,
just like the hunger and desire for...say a cigarette, i sometimes endeavor
to "take action" by going surfing on the internet singles sites (a thoroughly
dis-heartening activity which I am reluctant to admit, even though a friend
turned me on to such sites as "lightworkers partnering").
So presently watching all this and being here in it. It has helped some
to write this. The day is grey and the clouds are so low, so far down the
mountains they nearly touch the water. Still, my heart is light and
overflowing with gratitude and a still rightness, even in its longing for
love and connection with man form.
My sense is that married and partnered people on the list are dealing with
stuff either beyond or more complex than this longing but are there any of
you single who can relate to any of this? I welcome response if any are
moved to do so.
in love and longing, I send blessings, deesutra
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