To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/11/12 18:33
Subject: [K-list] I had a dream
From: Guy Johnson
On 2004/11/12 18:33, Guy Johnson posted thus to the K-list:
Hello my Friends,
Last night I had a curious lucid dream. I went back through my life
and relationships, and there were many, but what was curious is that I
looked at my decisions in each case from the perspective of who I am today
and I changed them to the choices I would make today without the
insecurities and attachments that plagued me as a young man.
An example is; A woman I met and spent two years with. She was very
wealthy and for twenty years she had been getting therapy from the same
woman who had been more interested in keeping her as a source of income then
helping her heal. Her father was an alcoholic and her mothers family were
cold and unemotional, calculating, controling women. Their family had made
their fortune on the manufacture of amunition for every war since the civil
war. She had been a skier and very athletic woman but abused sexualy by
each and every man in her life.
This saga began in 1992 when I went to a healing weekend and spent
the entire time putting my hands on people with gratifying responses. My
ego loved it. I had intentualy not had any relationships for two years and
I had done emotional work for two years and thought by the energy of bliss
and power in my healing touch that I was ready for a woman in my life. I
went to a healing weekend and spent the entire time putting my hands on
people with gratifying responses. I was sneaking out of the camp trying to
avoid one of the married organizers of this labor day weekend healing
festival who had been very up front and demanding that I share my tantric
energy with her.
I believed myself to be emotional healed and I no sooner said the
words to myself that I was ready and this tall beautiful athletic blond
woman literaly walked into me in the dark. Because of the sincronisity of
our meeting at the ecact moment I had asked, I presumed this woman who
caused an intake of breath at her presense to be the mate for life that I
had always dreamed of. I fell in love instantaniously. She was returning
to her tent from one of the many healing arts available at this gathering of
350 people. She had a strong spiritual presense and we talked all night,
and she came by my home the next day. I dazzled her with the power of my
sexual energy from my fully awakened kundalini I had consciously cultivated
over the past four years. The prior 18 years I had spent trying to keep it
at bay from fear of my ego being over run but at the momment of our meeting
I could create a dazzling light show of pleasure and force of will with this
lady who had no natural defence due to lack of personal boundries common to
sexual abuse survivers. She was as helpless as I was from my own deep
attraction to abused women, ( My mother was a sexual incest abuse survivor
although I had not at this point in my life recognized this ) as she
experinced me without resistense. We became instant lovers and I tapped
into levels of emotional damage in our tumultuous relationship that I had no
idea existed. We continued for two years until was able to dettach from the
inner turmoil of love givin and withdrawn by a woman as damaged as I was. I
still loved her with all the power that a relationship that plays on the
patterns of abuse of mother and son disguised in the pain of the present. I
released this in sobs that racked my soul as she pleaded with me to marry
her with offers of supplying me with money to finish a hundred foot schooner
I had sunk many years of sweat and labor into and represented my escape from
the pain in my life. She also offered to buy me a farm for my time on land
fulfilling all my dreams on the physical plane. The last straw for me had
been an abortion that she had undertaken against my hearts desire to have
children. She told me of this in the same breath as she told me how she
wanted to have children with me. I wanted to escape to sea but I had no
money and my ships hull was not even finnished being planked. I had no
funds but recieved a phone call from a young man who had worked for me six
years before as a diver. He offered me a trimaran sail boat 36 ft long and
20 ft. beam. It was ready for an ocean voyage and Katrina my wife whom I
had just met through a mutual friend and who's father had just died and left
her money said she would love to go and financed the voyage to the West
Indies.
In this lucid dream I recognized the damaged emotional being in this
blonde beautiful woman and instead of having a relationship with her I used
my knowledge to help her heal without taking advantage of her inability to
say no to me. I used my compassion to help her instead of having a
relationship in a pattern of failed relationships that had plaqued me my
whole adult life. The extrordinary experince of this dream was that this
act caused a cleidiscope of visions of my life that rose and dissolved in a
healing pattern that changed my past and not just the relationship with her
but all my prior relationships as if I had made these wise compassionate
decisions then instead of the decisions I had made. I awoke with the
profound sense of having rewritten my life and the lives of all those who
had been close to me.
DISCLAIMER!
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