To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/10/22 07:40
Subject: [K-list] RE: K-list Digest, Vol 16, Issue 26
From: J.1 G.
On 2004/10/22 07:40, J.1 G. posted thus to the K-list:
the weather is dreay & glum. makes me realize the sadness & seperation in
life. theres some blurry thought that keeps popping up inside my head, only
just aware of it. i guess i've been spiritually lost since i was young. wish
there was someone in my life i was close to. or could be close to. i guess
being close to someone means holding onto your self? and i cant do that..and
being lost is just the shadow of being free?
it just seems like once you start to understand your self, you slow down,
start hanging onto what you think you are..guess the right way to do this
would be to spend time being close to my chakras, or the energy
bodies..wonder if chakras are even real, or just an idea we imagine & create
inside our selves? wonder if it really matters?
yay i get to wake up excited spiritually and just start chanting a high
pitched 'believe in the energy' kinda thing, but then something gives way,
caught in a trap it feels like, confused and going crazy,a nd for some
reason its hard not to appreciate the sadness of this life..
you keep thinking things will get better, and slowly it seems like they do.
after 2 or 3 years of telling yoru self this, you eventually realize there
was never really anything wrong, the energy could change and suddenly you
could be OK..connected correctly, understanding just fine, what does K want
us to be??
looking at the faces of others, everyone seems so serperated, or far apart
from each other. if you look you can see us all in our own worlds, creating
our lives (lies) around our selves (seven?? god=good? devil = evil?? ) used
to be excited by the thought of how weird life was, used to see all kinds of
things, already crossed a few black holes, voids you could step into,
windows and doors, the house of the mind..guess now i find myself aware of
how easy it can be to be in touch with the energy? still cant talk yet, k
teaches me not to say a word to myself, that its good to spend time feeling
something positive, that its good to feel negative feelings too sometimes,
and she'll show me which one makes me more aware and which one is more
freeing.
guess i've been giving a bunch of things that are always so painful to hold
on to? maybe its not really all that painfull? maybe its nothing, maybe most
people experiance worse? maybe i should just take it? get used to it, get
over it, and go deeper? but usually i get to feel like my mind falling
apart, sometimes i even get to feel like what it might be like to have a
tumor..usually i get that one at work...
SO1!!
to the sinking ship! chaos! the most painfull emotion! black seas! dark
waters! moon light burning across the swelling oceans and in my heart i
could only sing!??..to be lost in forever!! i tell you i've been to
nevernever land! felt the energy of dreams!! feels like its time to take the
wheel..
and so.. i forget my lonlyness and forget what it might be like to taste or
touch, forget i've never been close to anyone, forget that it ever mattered
to me. guess thats the saddest thing? guess i used to want to be able to
know people, and for people to know me? you only get to know your self? or
what you think someone else is? or what you see in them, but thats all in
your head? so i guess as long as you put enough honest love down, it
doesn't make a differance what you do? what direction you go??
anyway...
lofe
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