To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/10/14 17:12
Subject: [K-list] my last posting.
From: chelle lake
On 2004/10/14 17:12, chelle lake posted thus to the K-list:
i was going to just stop posting messages and leave it at that..
but i think it is good to give my reasons for my last posting to the site.
i know now that i have been caught up in spiritual madness.
i see that i have been wanting to be enlightened for the wrong reasons.
i see that i have been expecting to know or understand the way that god works and basing that on human consciousness.
i asked myself what do i want from god?how do i pray to god?
what am i hoping spiritual enlightenment will bring me..
i realized that i thought god would stop the kaos in my life,and that is madness because kaos is neccesary for development.
kaos means growth and movement.
kaos is as much god as peace.
i found myself apon my path being led by the ego after its initial fight during the stage of seperation,the ego then attached itself to my growth and tried to be more spiritual than others,
it would say "i'm more enlightened than thee"
it would judge and say i am not there....i am awake...
becoming aware means to become aware of all those layers within yourself...hearing each voice within and identifying which voice says what thing.
its to know what voice seduces you into living in the physical world and thinking only in a physcical way..its finding out the difference.
we go through stages of evolution,this is where the madness comes in..what are we saying to god?
are we saying i want you to re order my life so that every false voice is taken away from me ...we consider consciousness as a means to an end and we think to become conscious we stop the kaos..but we cant stop the flow of kaos..we cant stop the flow of surprise..theres a doorway the door into your own soul..that starts to open but its not what we expect.
are we saying take away my distractions..are we asking for cures to our physical life..do we have a fantasy about how we think god is going to show up in our lives and how its going to change.
you have to go into the journey on your own..you have to break your allegance to human reasoning and enter into devine order.
we have created a god that looks just like us but much better...if were loving gods all loving...if were vengful god is all vengful.
there is an error in that thought..here comes the first stage of knowing god..we expect god to behave like us....right there we put a stopper on everything....we expect to have human order on our spiritual path..the whole purpose of that path is to no have that influence..its to transcend it.
we keep saying if only i knew this...what is my purpose...
what if the journey is about entering into mystery?
what if this is about leaving behind the thinking physical mind and not expecting to know anything at every stage.
you think your whole life will be better if mystery is answered..what if that mystery is not meant to be answered..?
the biggest conflict people have with god is that they expect god to behave like a human being.
we are living in a culture that is completely emersed in mystism and when we look at the types of struggles people are having in their lives its because its all mixed up and confused.
the first thing we should say to ourself is..what questions have you been asking god..why do you want to be spiritual?what do you expect guidance to sound like?what type of guidance have you been looking for?what do you expect from god?do you ask god why i am on this planet?
empty yourself dont lie to yourself...be honest with yourself.
everything we expect is a label of the physical world.
drop it.
the first stage is seperation you have to become seperate from the world that you know..seperation can take you out of your whole world...your family...your job...your marriage...its a serious commitment that
can change things in other ways.
how can we ask god to show us?...your saying get everything away from me that distracts me from you..how do you expect that prayer to be answered?
i want every voice that detracts from the clear one..get everything away from me that distracts me from you..?
you have to begin the journey of identifying all
the false voices,you have to see into whose
hands you have commended your spirit..other than god.
in order for that to happen you have to experiance
the failure of the human world..the breakdown of the
human world.
without getting through this stage then life often becomes
more difficult and we become lost..we become
depressed we have no energy no meaning we
just drag ourselves along hoping and looking
for signs and lighting candles and omming
into the night..and thinking we are more knowledgable
than another..the ego has a life in modern day spirituality..
its in there telling its spiritual story.
silence in prayer..silence with your practises have
one you share with who doesnt guide you out of
whats happening..and just says that your right
were your suposed to be..its meant to happen...
your dark night is there because you need to go through this..
you need to learn to endure this and
loneliness is neccesary..
this is about the reverse of the self..its about reversing yourself
to physical matter..its paradoxal..everything we think it is its
the opposite...we are being taught to find the self...when really
we should be dropping the self and becoming one..
the first stage of madness is caused by feeling disconnected to the human world of cause and affect that u have come to trust...your unplugging yourself from that..the safety net is gone.
your in a place were you need to learn to trust in god that you will be ok
without that net you are ok.
you suddenly really realise i dont trust this human order atall..
its at that moment that your spirit begins to detach from that
life you were living...you feel almost like a stranger in a strange land..
you cant seem to find your feelings..you cant seem to find how
you feel about anything..you cant seem to regroup yourself.
you have to go through this...
because thats part of seperating and losing physical order.
enter the dark night you know your in your world your
waiting for something to come..
thats when frightening things begin because you realize
you cant trust order anymore..but you also deep down cant
trust god yet either so you feel lost..
stage two...ur getting to know the voice of guidance and what you think guidance is..
in the contempory world of mystism people
expect a reward
from god for being spiritual..they think they
should be rewarded because they have given up meat or
some other thing...we expect god to behave like the
benelovant father...were looking for the reward of spiritual power
...your looking for the power to have clarity and insight in everything
you do so you never make another mistake..your looking for no
longer a normal partner in life your looking for your soul mate
who is so mysticaly allighned like your perfect self...
you want to be called and seen as mystic for status...
mystism is not a pleasure cruise.
what weve done is thrown out the requirments of the
sacred in our effort to get to the mystical finish line..
because we live in a culture of so much instantanious
gratification we put god to work on those terms aswell..
we have a romantic idea of god..our human idea of god..
and all our opinions of him no matter how holy we class
those who wrote or told them..are always going to be from
a human perspective.
what prayers are you saying?pray out loud hear yourself talk to god..what quality is it?are you asking god to be your problem solver?
are you asking god to take away your mysteries..instead of walking
into your mysteries..
why are you asking god to take your mysteries away..
why are you scared of walking into your mysteries..?
your suposed to feel this...your being taught endurance..
what if your being taught patience..
your waiting for your ego to stop dictating your journey..
your waiting until waiting becomes something your
unaware of..
what if waiting is to get you to break the cycle of
expecting something.
what does endurance solve?endurance makes your soul come up to the surface..
endurance gives you spiritual stamina..
its the capacity to look at a challenge and say im not scared of that..
i can endure this life without any ordinary human needs being met...
and i can trust god.
being alone...there are very few people who on their path have not been asked to endure aloneness..
aloneness is neccesary just like being in the dark is needed
so that you can then walk into the light.
aloneness is there so you can listen to the voices that talk to you
all the time..and sift through those false voices so you
can hear the genuine one.
alone time is when you are going through endurance..
we say we are ok with aloneness..well i know i said that too but,
i realized that really i have rarely experianced it..
how often do we start doing something on the pc..
or listening to music,watching tv,reading,
looking up research on mysterious happenings,
ringing someone up ...we are often not comfortable with
aloneness so we avoid it..we dont even really know it...
because even when we might get it we put e
xpectations and routines on what might occur once
we are there...its madness.
what if your task in life is to live a happy sweet life.to show others this sweet love.?so others can see that..?does it seem too simple?
you have to go into the shadow of your dark side..thats why
you have to be alone..when you say talk to me god..
god replies "in you go."then we get scared and hide
in other activities.
in order to see whats been controling your life and
were you put your energies.
you have to dismantle yourself while your in
this physical life..
while you go about your day..we have to juggle
these alternatives..in this life because in this day
and age thats all thats left for us..monestaries are
not practical to alot of us..we have to be in the
physical world yet live from the spiritual veiw of it.
people who know god dont sit back when something
happens and say can you believe this wow...
they know that god makes the impossible possible..
people who dont know god call things a miracle..
because they are surprised by miracles..
they are surprised by the presence of "god".
one who knows god knows all is possible and all is gods way..
look at what being alone brings out in you...
how does being alone talk to you?
i'm in alone time..its neccesary its difficult but i'm here..
accept it..this is were you find yourself recognising
that you were directing your sense of how you were
expecting to feel god..
you will no longer want god to be represented
by your
physical life when you get there..
you will no that is not possible..
you will know you were in madness.
your living to experiance life to bring out that part
of you that doesnt know god yet...
pain is not designed to hurt you and be evil to you
its
designed to help you see what has authority
over your soul..
what does that part of you look like..?
its the part of you that talks to you in physical fantasy
and expects a spiritual cruise.
that is not authentic
and you have to recover from seduction..it says to you..
you deserve better...you can have anything that you want.
and theres many spiritual leaders now who discuss this,
power to have anything and manifest it.
its false..because on one hand you have this voice..
you can have anything you want..and another voice is within
that says...let go of everything and you will find me.
no wonder we go crazy and stray from our path.
in this day and age theres the biggest false statement
of going within to seek the self.
but god says drop the self and be one with life.
god says be happy right now in this moment you
need nothing more..be grateful with the now.
i used to think that knowledge of the idea of god was good,
but after getting so far it brings no nourishment.
and i used to admire those that seemed so educated and
knowledgable in those subjects of god.
now i realise that im glad i havent learnt anything.
i dont know anything..and thats were i need to be.
because that knowledge is a human creation..
and therefore is unstable.
some of you may come back with a posting on how
my words are wrong or i missed this and that out..
you no what..i am wrong about everything.
and its wonderful.
i wanted to share with you the reasons for my last
posting to the site.
i was going to just leave it but after thought i decided it
would be something significant to some maybe
who had similar
situations
to that of myself.
i also had to argue with my ego as to my posting atall..
and am still not entirely sure if this is a deposit of that or
of my wanting to share in genuinity of the word.
i know that since joining the site i have become more
confused and apon asking myself "why" that was so..i got afew
responses...
one)i didnt like what i thought was real being dismantled by others.
two)i dont want to be conditioned by any human opinion,
included
in that is ancient belief and script.
three)my ego loves to dictate and hit the ball back at those
who also have an opinion.
four)i sense a panic at the possibility of others reaching
something
which i may not.
i thought it best to be as honest as i
could be.
aloneness is the only way forward for me now i can
not run to others as soon as something alters in my
enviroment,i have to walk alone a while and stop
chattering because i am sabotaging anything
coming into my life.and i have to stop searching
or expecting anything.
i have to stop telling people or atleast trying to
explain whats going on..because everytime i do
i destroy it.
i have to go alone and know that that aloneness is
needed.i dont want an opinion anymore.
im fed up with hearing myself.
so i free myself of it now..and the parts of my past
that were hard wont be spoke of they are gone.
rushing when theres no mystical finish line..
god will bring you about whether you help or not thats the way its always been.
guidance is there its just that we have put conditioned
opinions on what we think it should look like..guidance
has always been there and will always be for every person
no matter who they are.
kaos is part of life,when we can see that god is even in
that we may be getting there..
one more thing before i go,the body we live in
often you hear now people saying "i am not my body"
this is merely a shell..what are they missing?
look at your little body it has carried you and grown with you
all your physical life..it has the scars from falls
and also the scars you inflicted on it for your
pains and frustrations.
we often look at it in disgust..how often does it get a thankyou?
it goes all your life rarely being acknowledged,
rarely fed of good food or fluid.
yet it rarely lets us down we get depressed and
pump it full of pills..we fill it with abuse everyday.
its time to say sorry you werent there..
its time to be there because that little body
helps you be here and we should be grateful
for life.
a captain of a ship keeps his ship in good shape
so he can ride the storms of the sea.
theres something in that.
blessings,
Chelle x
caroline myss spiritual madness may be of benefit.
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