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To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/10/12 23:02
Subject: [K-list] forgiveness
From: Janel C

On 2004/10/12 23:02, Janel C posted thus to the K-list:





First of all, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Janel. A friend of mine
has been sending my excerpts from this list for a while, so I decided to
join it myself.

I'm writing because I would like some insight into my situation, which, as
the subject line suggests, has a lot to do with forgiveness.

For a while, I practiced with grounding and becoming aware of the energy.
However, I also became painfully aware of all the garbage I've been lugging
around with me. I've had a lot of trouble letting all this stuff go. It's
going, little by little, but a lot of it is still there. And I constantly
have to remind myself when I'm awake at night with constricting energy
around the throat that it's all on its way out. I've been tossing a great
deal of useless junk but there's still a few pieces of garbage I'm having
trouble getting rid of.

I cannot forgive. I've tried. It sounds mean, but the words do not come out
of my mouth. Everytime I try to say "I forgive you," the energy in my throat
flares up and almost chokes me. It makes me feel a little guilty because I
ask for forgiveness all the time, but I can't give it away myself. I know
it's because there's this anger that blocks the empathy I need to relate to
whoever is asking for my forgiveness. I know all this, but I just can't seem
to DO anything about that.

The energy in the throat and chest/back area starts moving a lot when I even
think about any of this, and that makes talking about forgiveness and anger
very tiring and uncomfortable.

Because working with energy is still a little new to me, I would appreciate
any and all advice anyone has to give.

Thank you,
Janel




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