To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/10/06 19:40
Subject: RE: [K-list] The Last Stone (kundalini awakening)
From: MC Eleven
On 2004/10/06 19:40, MC Eleven posted thus to the K-list:
cool
thanks for sharing
nice to meet ya
>From: chelle lake <kissed_by_midnightATyahoo.co.uk>
>To: K-listATkundalini-gateway.org
>Subject: [K-list] The Last Stone (kundalini awakening)
>Date: Wed, 6 Oct 2004 11:40:30 +0100 (BST)
>
>
>hi everyone,
> my name is Chelle.
>last year i had my first kundalini experiance and like many i had no idea
>what was happening to me atall.
>i was doing meditation to try to gain some help for my depression and lack
>of motivation,my life had been full of stresses and pain.
>i was brought up in childrens homes had parents who hurt me and i felt so
>alone.
>i was never like anyone else around me i never felt like a normal child as
>my personal life was full of fighting to survive physical abuse aswell as
>sexual abuse.
>so i grew up not fitting in to any place and ran away from the childrens
>homes.
>at the age of 12 i tried to kill myself,because i felt so tired of trying
>to live and was so unwanted.
>i took tablets from one of the girls rooms who lived in the home i was
>staying in at that time.
>i counted as i took the tablets as i knew from watching tv that i needed to
>take quite alot for it to be effective.
>i took 62 tablets altogether..layed back on the top bunk bed and for the
>first time in my young life i experianced peace.
>i fell asleep and awaoke falling off the bunk onto the floor vomiting
>violently all over the place.
>it wasnt til later that i found out i had actually consumed 62
>contraceptive pills!
>so life went on.
>i was in a assessment center at 15 years old and had made my first friend
>life was improving but after her going home on her weekend allowment i was
>told the following day she had died.
>nicky was the same age as myself and had gone to her parents house friday
>night then gone out with her friend and after falling and banging her head
>she was knocked unconscious and choked to death.
>i was in shock for a awhile and accused of being cold hearted by the other
>girls,but i was so shocked that i couldnt take it in for awhile.
>nicky and i had talked alot about things,she was a blonde who used to dye
>her hair black because she loved suzie and the banshies.
>nicky told me in a casual conversation that if she ever died she wanted to
>come back as a black bird..fitting for her as she was a gothic chick i
>suppose.
>anyway afew weeks after her death as i walking along the corridor that had
>long glass windows i was amazed to see sitting on the window ledge outside
>right next to me,a beautiful black bird..it sat and looked at me
>awhile..and then flew away.
>my parents were quite strange in comparison to most and when i was young
>aged around five years my father used to say things like:its the end of the
>world today but you have to go to school,i would wonder how i could run
>home in time to be with my family.
>at the age of 8yrs something very strabge happened to me..my sister who was
>18 months younger at the time and i had decided to swap beds for the night.
>my mum was carrying her into the room as we had been out somewhere til late
>and she was fast asleep,mum was about to put my sis in her own bed when i
>remembered our deal earlier so mum put my sis in my bed instead..still
>fully clothed so as not to interupt her sleep.
>i got into my sisters bed and fell asleep.
>i woke later and as i glanced up into the corner above the bed i saw my
>sister standing above me,eyes wide and expressionless face still wearing
>the same clothes and not denting the bed with her weight.
>i quickly looked over at my bed..and there my sister was sound asleep.
>the experiance made me think more about our astral body and i put a theory
>together that because my sister was not aware that we were in the wrong
>beds her astral body became confused when it was returning to her physical
>body.
>another time when i was 16 years old and going through a trauma in my life
>i cried myself to sleep one night not knowing how i would be able to cope
>with the following day when i had a strange dream..i was in a room but
>there were no walls as such it was pure white through out..i was floating
>and wearing white also.
>a voice was talking to me as i floated around telling me everything would
>be alright and that when i woke i would feel strong...and when i awoke i
>did...though i still had to go through things it seemed to take off the
>bulk of my anguish at that time...it has never happened again.
>i wanted to share some of my life so that i could better explain my
>experiances i guess.
>so there i was last year aged 30 going through depression i had left my
>partner of ten years after violent behavior and had settled into my current
>home after being in womens refuges with my three children.
>i was trying hard to keep it together and be a good mum but depression was
>always there and even the littlest things were hard work.
>so i started meditation and was told by a friend that focussing on my
>throat chakra would stimulate my will to get me moving again.
>one evening during my medative focus something amazing and scarey to me at
>that time happened..as i lay there with my eyes closed and body completely
>relaxed i could feel my throat chakra opening up wider and wider until it
>seemed like a revolving enitity much larger than my own throat itself..then
>all of a sudden a face larger than my own started to come out of my
>face..it was golden yellow with static sparky particles running through
>it..hard to explain exactly..anyway this face had a smile that was wider
>than my whole head!
>i got scared as it was such a surprise and as soon as my thoughts came in
>it was gone.
>afew weeks after that i was coming down stairs from the bathroom and as i
>reached the landing i looked around at everything but things didnt seem
>right somehow..even the lamp light seemed wrong.
>i went down stairs and it was the same with all objects in my house,they
>looked pretend and even my precious books seemed to hold nothing
>knowledgable no meaning.
>i sat awhile feeling very odd but not feeling bad atall..i looked out the
>window and the houses across the street were more like lego land or a
>miniture railway model including the trees...i knew though that the little
>souls inside were the only thing real..and felt giggly at the thought of
>them sitting in those funny boxes we call houses.
>a sensation came over my body starting from the toes and working its way
>up..it was like a wave of freezing water like i was being submerged until
>the crown of my head was under and then going in reverse it took my breath
>away..after a while i couldnt tell if it were hot or cold..it was very
>strong and i had no idea what was happening to me atall.
>my arms felt like they wanted to stretch out(rather like spiderman when he
>throws his web)
>when i closed my eyes i was swinging somehow...my stomach was turning it
>was beautiful but i felt if i closed my eyes for any longer i would fly
>away somewhere.
>i couldnt hold a thought atall..when i tried to define what was happening i
>couldnt get hold of my mind to make a decision on it like i had forgotten
>where my mind was..it took me afew weeks after the experiance to be able to
>translate what had happened into words.
>i noticed that although it seems hard to explain the air i breathed would
>only go so far like my nostrils were blocked from the sinus area.
>i tried to drink water yet felt like i was an astronaught trying to down a
>bubble..it didnt feel "natural" to drink atall.
>and also i noticed that if i moved one hand over the other and then took it
>away i left a piece of energy from that hand with the other hand..i played
>with energy and passed it over my hands and was able to feel it like it was
>solid.
>the experiance lasted afew hours and slowly became less until it was gone.
>for awhile i was in awe of the experiance and wanted it to return but it
>didnt and i became depressed again and felt sorry for myself and wondered
>if i'd blown it.
>when i tried to meditate after that time my mind was getting in the way and
>i was full of expectations....that stopped its return.
>i had been living in ground hog day everyday for a long time not doing
>anything with my life,i felt i couldnt be good at life and couldnt be
>motivated or strong..my house work suffererd and i became very social
>phobic,i hated going to school with my kids and wore a hat and heavy coat
>even in the summer..i kept my head down so no one would say hello and i
>felt worthless inside,thats how life was for me.
>one night i had a dream it was very short and very real,i dreamt my oldest
>daughter then aged 9 yrs asked me my age,i replied that i was 30 yrs
>old..she said my friend says your going to die when your 31.
>i awoke sitting up in bed sweating and disturbed by the dream.
>i then tried to move myself forward by stopping smoking and tackling other
>issues..but it was very hard and lacked momentum..one day i was just
>standing in the lounge when i experianced the wave of energy again after a
>month or so....i loved it and felt excited...i had a feeling i could give
>everything up that i struggled with at that very second...anything....but
>then my ego and fear tried to tell me that if i did i would break my back
>trying aand end up having a nervous breakdown..i felt trapped like one half
>of me was frozen in another dimension and the other half here in the
>physical world..i didnt know what to do i couldnt go somewhere quiet and
>reflect i had 3 kids and a life to try to keep up with...i cried and felt
>so angry and confused and lost...i decided not to meditate anymore as i
>couldnt run to the hymalayas and become a monk i had to be here and there
>was no time for me to develop.
>after i made my decision i felt much better partly i think because my ego
>was relieved....i came to terms with things and realized that it would take
>time to have a spiritual mind in a physical life..however..
>i did start doing things..i studied hard and got my diploma for curative
>hypnotherapy i started driving lessons and i stopped wearing my hat to
>school,i realised that the dream i had about dying at 31 means that my old
>programmed self is leaving me and im evolving into the person i'm meant to
>become...i feel better about myself and my life and i'm trying things...and
>when you try its amazing how grace seems to help you along.
>im becoming enlightened without going through insanity to get me
>there...gradually,and because i chose a job that would help others i feel i
>have a purpose and am not to worthless as i used to think i was...i'm
>sorting through my old habits and patterns and re programming them into
>positive actions..yes i still find life hard at times but i can see how
>things weave together and how destiny helps to lay the path ahead...once
>the seeds are sown and watered and start to grow.
>i still struggle with my tasks but i dont hate myself for it anymore..i'm
>more gentle with myself now.
>it was a gift that i was given and my mind couldnt handle it...how could
>it?it only knows this realm afterall...the gift is always there and comes
>in different ways i noticed afterwards my poetry was greatly improved..and
>i used to be rather clumsy but seemed to go through a stage of catching
>things with faster reflexes than normal.
>i believe the kundalini unblocked something inside me and i started going
>for things instead of being scared of them...barriers were knocked down by
>it i think.
>and i know i have mny things to learn in my life now rather than thinking
>why me..i see that i had to go through painful times to arrive right here
>right now..and that everything happens for a very good reason.
>i think the best approach with the kundalini (and with anything else in
>life)is to expect nothing for if your always expecting something then your
>labelling what you hope to get...and the truth is its beyond our
>understanding..we can only point to the sign post but we cant clearly
>translate it....i am now agnostic..meaning i admit to knowing nothing..and
>its paying off for me...better to be the leaf that falls when its time..the
>wind will carry you...let it...only when you fight the breeze will things
>come undone.
>
>its an ongoing lesson and grace is in every experiance even those we think
>are "bad" become something we can learn from....
>may the lights apon your own path be green and good to go,
>blessings,
>midnight x
>ps. if anyone would like any help or to discuss anything you can mail or
>add me with kissed_by_midnightATyahoo.co.uk thanks :)
>
>
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
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