To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/10/03 01:42
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: an interpretation of K activity...
From: Lone Path
On 2004/10/03 01:42, Lone Path posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Sue,
In answer to both your messages, I would first like to say that I was diagnosed with CFS four years ago, and one year later with Fibromyalgia as well when muscle weakness and pain eventually developed. I am really not too bothered whether people choose to call this a disease or a syndrome, or whether they have a Ph.D or a doctorate, I know what I have and medical tests have proved it. If I believed what everyone said, I would still be believing my original doctor who said that it was all in my head, or another one who insisted I had rheumatism despite the negative test results, or yet another that said I was suffering from PMS!
It was only when I came across a professor that specializes in CFS and is actually doing research, that all the tests he took confirmed CFS. Unfortunately, CFS was given the name that it has because years ago no-one knew anything about it, and so based it purely on symptoms. CFS should in fact be called “Rnase-L Enzyme Dysfunction’ (RED) because this is how it is diagnosed. My Rnase-L protein determination test result was 2.3 (the normal range being less than 0.5). RED measures the amount of Low Molecular Weight (LMW) protein relative to High Molecular Weight (HMW). Increased levels of LMW protein have been noted in a specific subset of patients with CFS. The presence of this marker is believed to distinguish patients with CFS from healthy people and those suffering from other diseases. Also, my NK (Natural Killer) Cell count (CD3-CD16CD56+) was at 3% amongst other immune test results - even patients with cancer or AIDS have a higher NK Cell count.
Massage may be of help to patients but I can assure you that if you touch various points of my body, I will be in more pain. Perhaps this massage has helped those that have not been diagnosed properly and don´t really have Fibromyalgia, and really have something else like rheumatism.
You say, “Certainly you never have to be the person you 'used' to be.? I don't think one can go backwards after coming so far on the path. To 'own' CFS/FMS to me is like admitting that you believe life has to be a struggle.’
Of course you cannot go back to what you were, what I was saying was that I prefer to have CFS and be who I am now than be healthy and who I was then. As I said in my previous message, something happened to me that ‘opened´ me up completely and consequently I fell ill.
I do not “own’ CFS/FMS but it is a part of me at the moment. And no, I don´t believe that life has to be a struggle, although I do believe that it can be one. I suppose you interpreted my ‘acceptance´ of CFS as meaning that I believe life has to be a struggle, but I don´t feel as though I am struggling in life nor do I feel that I have to. My philosophy is that I am entirely responsible for what I create in my life, and I don´t see anything that I create as negative because I see everything as a ‘message´ to my complete healing. I do not retaliate or deny what happens to me, I see it as a ‘message´, an opportunity to decipher what this message is, so that I can ‘correct´ the error within me. I am no longer into controlling or fighting something, I am now into trying to ‘understand´ the messages that life shows me.
You say, “After having these dis-eases for 5 years, I decided that was enough and I began my journey of self discovery. I truly searched for another 5 years to find the things that started to ease my pain and tiredness. BUT it was not until I was truly loved and sent Reiki from someone unconditionally and felt that love on an ongoing basis that I was able to move through these diseases that had plagued me and I am now free of them. I know our experiences may not be the same, but we all need to look at the roll 'love' plays in our lives. Once I was able to deem myself loveable, the maladies dissolved for me.’
I am happy for you that you have healed, and that you were able to find the reason that created the illness. I know why I am ill, or I think I do, and no doubt this will also resolve itself when the time is right.
You say, “I know you say you don't want it any other way, but I feel the Goddess has more in store for you in a kinder, gentler, more loving experience. Are you healing others at this time, and how is that working for you? I'm not trying to insult you...I'm trying to understand so that I can help others that have the same thing. Perhaps we can agree to disagree and help each other in the process.’
That´s right, I wouldn´t want it any other way; I don´t want to suppress the symptoms of something that is ‘speaking´ to me, telling me what is in error within. I want to see and understand the error, not run away from it. I don´t think Goddess is being unkind at all, I am thankful that She shows me my ‘errors´ so that I can overcome them – how would I ever progress if, when I refused to ‘see´, She did not show me. I am not unhappy, nor am I suffering, I am grateful and wish to progress further. I don´t see life as good and bad, I see life as it ‘is´, so there cannot be unhappiness or suffering. I rejoice at the opportunities and messages Goddess gives me so that I can learn and progress further. Yes, I have had to adapt, I am no longer in the fast lane as I used to be, I can no longer climb mountains as I used to love to do, I can no longer work as I loved to do, but there again, I have now freed myself from desire so I am not disappointed or unhappy.
You say, “Do you believe you can heal your CFS/FMS by yourself?? or is there some payoff you get from having it? Or is it that you feel you have no choice but to have it and live with it? Are there old emotions that you need to let go of a layer at a time to release this once an for all?’
Yes, I do believe I can heal my CFS/FMS, and this because I created it. Whatever I create, I can undo! And yes, there are always advantages to whatever you have, or have not, even an illness, but one must concentrate on the positive aspects of the experience in order to ‘see´ and understand this. When one lives the mind of duality, one normally only concentrates on the negative aspect of things and, therefore, it is very seldom that we ever see the positive within what we see as negative. I broke this habit a long time ago – I decided one day to try to see the positive within every so-called negative aspect and I found something positive every time. It eventually became a habit of mine and I would always see the positive, until even this disappeared and I only saw what ‘is´.
To ‘live´ life, to ‘let go´, to surrender, doesn´t mean running away from CFS, it doesn´t mean suppressing the symptoms, it means feeling them, going into them, ‘seeing´ them for what they are, and finally understanding why they were created – only then can permanent healing occur.
Yes, sometimes there are old emotions involved and sometimes there are layers that need to be released one by one, it all depends on the person concerned and what they have chosen to believe and accept as their reality. Illness is caused by the mind where there is an error in belief, where there are deeply cherished concepts, and where there is an error in what one accepts as real. This is why it is so important to not believe anything until you have found it to be true within yourself. All the events and circumstances of our lives are but a reflection of what we have stored in our minds. When the mind has been cleared of all the beliefs and concepts, you are left with an empty space, the ‘Void´, that eternal ecstasy of where you really are and who you really are.
People have never understood my attitude to CFS, nor my philosophy of life in general, but I suppose one must live it to find it true. Experience is the name of the game, and experience shows you how you have programmed your harddisk! If you don´t like your harddisk, reprogram it; you are the programmer, its lord and master!
Best wishes and much Love,
Grotty
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