To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/09/28 16:24
Subject: [K-list] re: Full Moon?
From: Terril Starks
On 2004/09/28 16:24, Terril Starks posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Sue.
I am also a new subscriber and first time writer to this website and a wee bit shy. I cannot say that I know exactly what you are going threw as I don't know enough about you and even if I did nobody has the exact same experience as another. That said, I have had similar happenings in my life regarding relationships and I think that I resonate with you and your situation.
Our outward relationships are reflections of our inner relationship with ourselves. From what I have read it appears that you are not receiving the love and affection that you desire and expect from your mate. Or possibly your loved one does not share your need to search for the origin of True Self.
We can't change other people and we do not have the right to do so. It is difficult enough for the aspirant to change himself/herself let alone to take on the tasks of others. If your relationship is hindering your search then you always have the freedom to make the proper choice for your self for you alone are responsible for your self-hood and nobody else. We always have choices but difficulty arises when our learned base beliefs keep us trapped in a dark box. Evaluate the validity of your foundation or unquestioned base beliefs concerning relationships and do so without fear. The truth about our self is seldom as we expect and may take time getting used to but it is very liberating as it helps in our awakening.
As far as love expectations from your mate I would suggest reading Dr. John Kappass theory of personality. I have used his theory of personality quite often with very good success. It is as far as I know the most accurate and applicable personality theory I have studied. We are spiritual beings but we are also physical. In reality there is no separation between spiritual and physical as it is all spiritual. The separation of the spiritual and material world is merely a paradigm of the state church and not real.
Judging only by what you have written, do you equate your self worth with the health of your personal relationship. is this right? If it is right logically you know that using the condition of your relationship to judge yourself is not reasonable but the feelings may remain just the same.
You may also have an extroverted personality where as your loved one is an introvert. Regardless of who in your relationship is the extrovert or the introvert the important thing to remember is that you are the opposite of your mate (personality wise). We are always attracted to our opposites on a subconscious level. The introvert sees the extrovert as being so brave while interacting with others while the extrovert sees the introvert as strong and silent. Of course, after they are together for a while their true selves emerge and they become disillusioned with each other. An extrovert needs their mate to express his/her physical love to them just as they need to express their love to their mate. The introvert makes love to release tension and separates love from lovemaking. This is not to say that the introvert does not love just that they express love differently. The more an extrovert chases after the introvert the faster the introvert runs away! Stop chasing the introvert as it is too threatening because they are afraid of having to perform. The introvert will not want to hug, kiss and make love everyday. If you wait and let the introvert approach you, you will find that they are on a schedule of every few days or so. Once the extravert figures out the introvert's schedule the extrovert must give subtle hints that they are available but without making it too threatening but only on the days the introvert is likely want to make love.
Also, the Extrovert should let their mate know that they need to be hugged or kissed occasionally and told that they are loved without having to make love. This takes pressure off of the introvert to perform sexually.
There is much more helpful information to Dr, Kappas's personality theory than I can include in this email, so if this applies to your situation get a copy of his book entitled E & P.
The important thing to remember is that you and your loved one are different from each other and its not about who's better. You may have the same likes and dislikes but your order of priority will be much different than your mates. This is not good or bad it just is. The world is made up of these two types of personalities 50/50. It's about learning to accept these differences without judgment. Once a couple understands their relationship they can draw on each other's strengths instead of focusing on each other's weakness.
I know this is a long email but I would like to tell you one more thing. In a previous response to you Gustaf mentioned "the dark night of the soul". All truth seekers must go through the dark night before the Sun rises upon them. Most of humanity does not consider the importance of this "dark night". The common man is not driven to ask why or what and so evades "the dark night of the soul" never to growing. This is why the mass humanity live their lives and then die in ignorance. Growth is painful. I do not know if you are familiar with the philosophers stone but it is a map of the journey of the soul on it's return to the source. It is shaped as a cube and has 6 sides. Most humans never move from the first side of the cube and live and die on the same level of awareness. For you to know what you know, as you uncover the meaning and truth of "the dark night of the soul" means that you have already made great progress on the path of return and have moved beyond the mass of humanity. You are making progress! Have faith that you are not alone and that you will find your answers and greater truth!
Love, Light & Peace
Terril
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