To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/09/28 09:37
Subject: RE: [K-list] Full Moon?
From: Gustaf Grefberg
On 2004/09/28 09:37, Gustaf Grefberg posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Sue!
This mail is not indended to fix, or change or help anything, it is merely a
reflection that arose after reading your mail. My heart will be filled with
joy if anything sparks inspiration or provocation. =)
Have you heard about the "Dark night of the soul?" A time when the
spiritual aspirant experiences intense darkness, loneliness, etc.. I am not
going to talk more about it, because I don't think I have experienced it
myself...
But I can relate to smaller dark nights, that come and go in cycles. And it
doesn't always appear to be about love and surrender.. It can even be
because you already HAVE surrendered! Seems paradoxal? It is possible to
experience depression before releasing, AND after releasing.. The depression
before releasing is the pain, the sadness, the loneliness that is being
released.. After releasing there is a vacuum, an emptiness, do you know this
vacuum? Everything feels pointless, lonely and very quiet. Almost as if you
had an empty hole in you. That's because there IS an empty hole in there..
After releasing, there's an empty space left inside us, that was previously
occupied.. Usually, this space can be filled with what you'd experience as
divine love or something like it. But this divine love is never what we
expect it to be, is it? The ego expects to be loved from something separate
from itself.. That's its nature, to have a spouse or a divine entity
showering us in in love.
Also, we are very, very conditioned to treat conditions of loneliness,
emptiness and silence as very bad, very negative things, to the extent that
most of us live with minds that are overactive.. And here we are,
meditating, searching for the stillness within us.. And what happens when we
find it? We try to fight it. We try to fill it with more stuff! Stillness
is emptiness, stillness also is loneliness. How could we be anything but
lonely when there is really no separation from Goddess? If we are All One,
it is impossible to not be lonely.. But what we are conditioned to
perceive as lonely is "being in a separated state without a feeling of being
connected to others who are also in a separated state".. It becomes a
vicious circle, to surround ourselves with relationships.. people, pets,
god, house, car, so we can cover up the pain of separation. I am not saying
there's anything wrong with these relationships, only that it keeps us in
that vicious circle if we are in the relationships for this reason.
What, if this vacuum, this darkness, this lonely emptiness is actually
completeness? It is just something we aren't very used to, so the
conditioning kicks in with fears and judgement.. This leads to more
releasing, more surrender.
Dear Sue, maybe your heart already is full?
Sincerely
Gustaf
> : To all who have responded in concern and love to me...
> :
> :
> : I am looking for that feeling of love to stay in my heart at all times,
> : regardless of what goes on-- around me. Regardless of where I live or
> who
> : with.
> : I want to never NEED someone else to be or act a certain way... for me
> to
> : feel full enough within. (Even to the point
> : of needing to be loved or hugged or kissed or cuddled by a human.) I
> want
> to
> : be able to carry that within so that I can
> : be whole.
> : Something is missing and I need some more puzzle pieces to fit in place.
> :
> : Does that make sense?
> : Sue
>
>
>
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