To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/09/20 22:03
Subject: [K-list] Latest experience -- very strange
From: Lyndon Garvey
On 2004/09/20 22:03, Lyndon Garvey posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Guys,
This is as much for my own records as it is to let you know how things appear to be unfolding for me, and also to get much needed advice / criticism. It's a rather long post, but chock full of bizarre (bizarre to me anyway) things which hopefull you can all relate too, otherwise I'm going to go see a shrink! LOL I haven't bothered studying kundalini, mediation etc. But just decided to well, try it out and see how things progress.
I had been using the holosync audios for maybe an hour a day, but then I got a bit carried away and started listening to them maybe 3 times a day ... so 3 hours of deep meditation. Anyways, I listened to them for an hour today, but decided to lay off them and just meditate.
Each day I'm experiencing something new. And it's getting increasing more bizarre, but at the same time, the experience doesn't feel particularly wrong or unacceptable to me. I'm just going with the flow.
Right now as I type this my stomach is repeatedly constracting then releasing then contracting again. Haha, I must be going looney.
Anyways, I did the meditation today but couldn't really get relaxed. Instead of fighting with myself, I have been doing something I learned from somethign called Sedona method -- instead of resisting, accept completely. So if I feel I'm not relaxing I say in my mind "i love that I dont' feel I'm relaxing enough", etc. "I love that I feel I must make somethign happen, or that something must happen" "I love that the phone just rang" etc. It's basically pure acceptance, in fact more welcoming of whatever I'm experiencing and I may be wrong, but it seems to induce the kundalini symptoms even more! Don't fight it, go with it.
OK, so I did the meditation lying down, and this time I can feel myself relaxing more and more. I'm relaxing my feet and lower legs to the point where i feel all energy is leaving them and in the aftermath of this, I'm aware that my legs feel as though they are twitching and have gone cold.
Then I notice a similar feeling all around my head, it feels as if i'm somehow leaving myself now, then I take a few deep breaths, start to notice the energy build up in the tail bone area, then for some reason i'm tensing my stomach hard, and kind of shaking -- quite violently! My mind is thinking away whilst some other part of me, or some other entity compeletly is going through this process. I'm thinking "oh what my grandad said about our spirits being connected at the solar plexus is true, and my spirit is attempting to leave me" My body is periodically breathing then spasming and tensing at teh solar plexus area. Such a strange experience. I know i'm not consciously doing this, but again am not resisting the process. Every now and again, I would automatically breath right in and pull my chest up really high, then breath for a bit, then release, then I would feel that energy and the tensing and shaking at around my solar plexus area. It goes on and on and on.
Another thing I realised, is I don't seem to be that deeply in meditation, in fact, after each 'shaking' session, I close my eyes and get back down into a reasonably deep state of meditation. But this process is happing all by itself, irrespective of whether i'm in meditation or not, it seems. At this point i'm lying on my back on the bed and I decide to give it a break. So awaken and get up, but find myself getting into the lotus position on my bed with my back against the wall. I've tried this a few times but it was never comfortable, yet this time it happened completely automatically. Very strange indeed. I was having some thoughts of "maybe i've gone insane" by this point. hahaha
Then I close my eyes and am breathing, and the strangest thing happens. My head automatically moves upwards right up as far as it could go and just sits there, and the back of me neck starts to ache from it. Then after a while of breathing and focusing, it starts to move right down almost focusing on my solar plexus area. I'm not trying to make anything happen here and i'm also not resisting. I'm just being there. If anythign i'm focusing on my breathing and allowing whatever is happen to just happen. Next thing I feel the familiar signs of energy build (or whatever it is) in my lower back area, then after awhile my solar plexus tenses like mad and I start to shake. This happens a few more times, and I think I finally manage to relax, or something. I'm varying how I deal with the stomach tensing each time, relaxing before it happens, etc. to see if i can kind of help it along. Again i'm clueless, just going with the flow, but I feel as though there is energy trying to travel upwards and is being resisted at the solar plexus area. However, I can't be sure whether this is just my impression of it or not. Oh, I'm feeling quite sick each time the energy travels up as well, but then again I ate too much I think -- 3 portions of bacon flavoured super noodles, yuck.
Now here is the strangest part: -
I somehow relax my solar plexus and faintly feel (or imagine? that the energy has travelling all the way up my body (I don't know whether it's my spine or some other part) and I feel it in my head, then I feel myself go into a state of absolute euphoria. I'm breathing very very deeply now, and had been doing for some minutes and my head is agnled right back, and I'm kind of staring up wards but tilting my head from side to side. Then, the f**ckin' phone rang and disrupted me. I awoke and placed it on silent immediately then got back into position and closed my eyes.
Now here is the super strange bit: -
The euphoria had died down, I think. But my head seemed to automatically move in some kind of bizarre slow movement. I haven't studed any of this, but recently I watched about 10 mins of a qi gong video and watched a guy demonstrate some movements very slowly moving his body about. It's as if my head was doing some kind of patterned movement. Moving to the side, then rolling downwards and to the otherside, then holding it's posture for a few seconds .. etc. then reversing that. I'm a hypnotherapist, and we talk about somethign called "ideo motor" movement, i.e. causing the body to move by suggestion without the unconscious mind. So, I could work with a client, hypnotise them and give them suggestions that their left arm is becoming lighter and lighter ... and quickly they would become aware of the fact that their hand was becoming lighter and lighter and was very slowly lifting off their lap and into the air. We can tell normal conscious movement from unconscious movement anyday because unconscious movement is generally very slow, and in small spurts, i.e. it isn't a smoth motion. My head was doing something similiar -- it felt like ideo motor movement, but obvioulsy it was happening completely automatically.
I tried to install some "ideo motor" finger signals -- which is some technique we use to talk to ask questions of the unconscious mind, but I didn't get conclusive answers. (just my own notes here)
After a while I decided to get up and move about. So I got up and walked to the foot of the stairs, to go down stairs, but I stopped for a minute. And whilst stood up, my body start to rearrange itself -- yes this is very very freaky! My pelvis pushed forward, then back again, and I started to bend down to the left, then to the right... I suddenly realise I'm slowly stretching and exercising, but I'm not consiously doing it. Maybe I feel my body moving in a certain direction and I go with it, I don't know.
Then I walk up to a mirror and look in it and say "who are you?" and I feel myself pushed forward as if leaning into the mirror, but it's a mirror on the hall way and people might see me, so I head into the bathroom lock the door and pose the same question. Again, i'm pushed forward, but there was a bench in the way, so I move the bench and get closer to the mirror. I keep staring at my relfection in the mirror and don't see anything weird -- except at one point my face appears to be totally static and kind of closer to the mirror than before adn more piercing. I don't know, there's more here, but I don't want to rant on.
Then I'm downstairs sat on the sofa, talking to a person in the house and as we're talking I notice my stomach cramp up again. And it has been doing it as I'd been typing this email. It seems to just happen by itself but I do have some control over the process I think. That's about it, any advice / info would be appreciated.
Best Regards,
L
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