To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/09/16 07:53
Subject: [K-list]
From: Lone Path
On 2004/09/16 07:53, Lone Path posted thus to the K-list:
Hi everyone,
After reading so much about all the problems and how K seems to be causing this, it has been a while since I wanted to write. The reason I hesitated is because I sometimes tend to upset people in what I say but I think I should say what I have to say, and hope that those who don´t like it will forgive me.
K has been active for me for 35 years or more and believe me I have been through hell, but despite this, I never gave up, I tried not to feel sorry for myself, and I wouldn´t let all the pain, depression, discomfort, whatever, ever let me feel helpless. The more I seemed to ‘fall´, the quicker I got up and carried on. I kept well away from psychiatrists and any people who touch that profession because I KNEW that the only person who could help me was me, and the only person who was creating my hell was me, and not K or anybody else. Most of the pain and discomfort is caused by inner conflict as far as I am concerned, it is our refusal to just let go and allow K to do what it has to do, it is our refusal to accept to ‘see´ what it is showing us so that we can resolve and overcome our inner problems.
I am not learned in K as most of you are because I was only able to give all my experiences a name a few years ago, but I can assure you that I have a lifetime of K and therefore I know from experience even if I don´t know intellectually. My determination to become ‘One´ again gave me the courage and force to live through it all, to laugh at what was happening to me, to rather concentrate on the positive than the negative that I was so used to doing, and so through my pain and tears I laughed and knew that it would not last forever, that the transformations would take place sooner or later because I allowed the process to proceed unhampered as much as I could. This attitude made the transformations that much quicker, in fact so much so that, then, it was not so much the pain as it was my sanity that worried me, and yet I laughed despite the fact that sometimes I didn´t know what was real any more, or whether I was still me or someone else, or anything at all!
Knowing that the pain felt was only my own inner conflict, I allowed myself to let go, to allow K to do what it needed to do and to show me what I needed to ‘see´, and so I always looked forward to the outcome, I concentrated on the summit of the mountain rather than what I was feeling or living. K was very generous because it gave me those immeasurable ‘gifts´ of knowledge which I could never have got from teachers or books, and these very things await us all if only we will ‘allow´ them to happen. Rather than concentrating on the negativity in your life or the negativity of your feelings, of your body, try to see the positive within the negative, because I assure you it is there, it exists in all things.
I remember when I only ever saw things as negative, when the few things in life that gave me pleasure and joy were grasped at as if they were some rare gem that would never appear again, but this was only because I never ever looked for what was positive before, it was a habit to only concentrate on the negative, a habit of a lifetime! Now I see nothing but the positive in life and in my life, whether I am feeling pain or whether I am looking at the news – it is like a meditation, to see what is positive. As I did this I started laughing at life, at me and all my mistakes and at my thoughts – what a clown I really was, what clowns the whole world is, all is a big joke!
With regard to money, I too had my ups and downs, but I never ever let the down keep me there, I went out with the POSITIVE thought in my mind and transformed all those negative thoughts that were still hiding in the closet, and transformed this state of poverty. Money always came after that and I never worried about an unexpected bill ever again.
Now I have CFS/Fibromyalgia and I don´t feel sorry for myself, there is no self-pity, there is joy and I laugh all the way down the street as I go at my snail pace and stop for rests. The physical pain is there yes, but I don´t concentrate on it so I hardly feel it, and I won´t take any painkillers. It is only when I do concentrate on it that it hurts, so I don´t. Yes, I would like to be able to run again, I would like to ride a bike, and I would just love to row a boat again, but I can´t so I don´t bother thinking about it, and I´m just as happy as ever. When we concentrate on the negative in our lives, then we feel it. When we attach to our thoughts, we respond to them, and hence we feel pain and sorrow. I wonder why we are told to meditate? Has anyone understood it yet? I thought it was to slow down our thoughts, hence not to concentrate on the negative. The more we concentrate on our negative thoughts, the more we intensify them, and the more it hurts. So what is the
solution? Simple really!
More about me, I also felt self-pity. I used to go running here and there for consolation, but I realised that whatever I got did not resolve the problems, even though I might have forgotten about my problems for a few seconds. Sometimes, it even intensified the pain in fact, as sympathy usually does, because there are more of you to think about it!!! And so I stopped asking for any consolation or sympathy and decided to just sort it out myself, that is to say not to concentrate on it any more and occupy my thoughts elsewhere, to think positively. It helped. Then I went further, I wanted to know why I felt this way at all, and so I observed myself, my thoughts, my feelings, but I tried to do this with impartiality. Observation certainly did bring many answers as to why I was the way I was and why I reacted to people and life the way I did – it was a path of revelation and self-discovery which completely transformed not only me but my life. Confidence in myself grew, hence the
confidence of others in me too, and I changed from a weak failure to a responsible and inexhaustible individual. My life changed, I became responsible for my own creation and I no longer had to ‘fight´ for what I needed, everything came without asking, all I needed to do was focus my thoughts in the right direction, on positive thoughts. Faith in myself grew, and I finally ‘knew´ that I was the creator of my own life and totally responsible for it.
My mother says that I was born on a lucky star – it is not true, it is because I took responsibility for my own life, I stopped expecting others to take care of me, I confronted my own fears and did what I had always been afraid of doing. Now, I never blame anyone or anything for whatever I have created, I don´t blame K either. K has been the wonder of wonders, my life and Life itself, and I will always be grateful to it, for it does indeed give you the power to ‘know´ and the power to overcome all limitations if only you will allow it to help you. It is not there to punish you, it is there to help you, but are you willing to go beyond the little child that is dependent to the adult that is independent, because K will only help you if you help yourself.
Be kind to yourself and know that you are not powerless, you hold within you the Power of all powers, you are your own creator, and you are never helpless. Helplessness only exists in your mind and nowhere else!
Best wishes and much Love,
Grotty
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