To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/09/15 07:47
Subject: Fwd: RE: [K-list] (no subject)
From: Diamondsutra
On 2004/09/15 07:47, Diamondsutra posted thus to the K-list:
Forwarded From: diamondsutraATnetidea.com
> robert. Thank you for your letter. Its amazing how much knowing I am not
> the only one going through this helps me. The grief and crying has been
> happening for me on and off for the entire 13 years I have been under the
> power of this "awakening" or "kundalini hell". Take your pick.
>
> Since kundalini I have actually had to quit jobs I loved. When I was
> forced (by the big K ) to quit my healing work and leading workshops, there
> were a few years of just hopeless hanging on health wise. I actually had
to
> have home support come and cook for me and vacuum and wash. Unfortunaly
> those services are no longer available for people on disability. The first
> four years of kundalini were the hardest and I nearly died, lost my
physical
> body. My M.D. finally put me in hospital in the room where people die.
They
> could not find a pulse for a while and I was there watching them look for
it,
> perfectly still, beyond breath. The crying and grief were non-stop for
those
> first four years and my weight went down to about 89 lbs. I was skinny but
> often grinning and crying at the same time.
>
> Whenever I would stabilize a bit, I would try to work. I got a job in a
> bookstore just by walking in to look at books not even looking for a job
and
> the people were so taked with me they gave me a job which, because of
> kundalini, I could do only 4 hours once a week.
>
> After a while they wanted me to take on more days and more
> responsibilities and although I loved that job I had to quit. The one day
4
> hours was taking me the other 6 days to recover from. Its crazy isn't it.
>
> I do not know gods purpose with this energy.
>
> Finally I realized I was totally helpless and in a place of utter
> surrender and it was then that others came to the fore and helped and took
> care of me. Actually all through out those first 4 years people appeared
at
> the most amazing times and looked after things on the physical for me--or I
> would not be here.
>
> One time, in the second year of it, probably l992, I felt I was
> stabilizing and planning a workshop. I was sitting by the river meditating
> and crying and I just shifted my body ever so gently and sat upon a
different
> rock, ever so gently and broke my tail bone. I had to laugh. It was just
so
> clearly God or existence showing me I could do nothing. for the next maybe
> six months even sitting down was hard and I had to mostly lie down.
>
> I don't know if any of this is helping you. Reading your letter helped
me.
> I have no way of knowing what God has in store for you to do. In my case
it
> has become....nothing. Just looking after my body, feeding myself, cooking
> cleaning, god forbid I should cut the grass, the pain lasts for days.
That's
> all i can manage.
>
> One friend came from India when I was in the worst part of the crying,
> laughing and energy seizures and as she worked gently with my body she said
I
> was releasing past life pain from the cells in my body. I have actually
> experienced ( on some occasions )the cells giving up genetic pain,
ancestral
> pain. I am part African, part Cherokee and part Irish and English. I
guess
> the African, Cherokee and Irish have a lot of pain. Particularly
Cherokee.
> Visions of Trail of tears and Native on horseback heading into war have
> happened.
>
> I don't know as I said before, what you are here to do. And it must be
so
> hard if your children are young and need yours support. More than one
person
> with kundalini has had to go on welfare here.
>
> I can say that, for my part, surrender has been required and
helplessness
> has had to be acknowledged and help asked for. I have had to say God help
me.
> The fact that I'm still here proves help has always come.
>
> May it show up soon for you. I should be in bed now but got up and came
> to the computer, sensing there was a message here for me.
>
> I thank you for yours and hope this one helps in some way.
>
> Love and blessing, deesutra
>
>
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