To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/09/14 23:25
Subject: [K-list] Support welcomed
From: Diamondsutra
On 2004/09/14 23:25, Diamondsutra posted thus to the K-list:
I forgot to put a subject title on this the first time
Forwarded From: diamondsutraATnetidea.com
> A head so aching it felt like it was about to blow off woke me up this
> morning and I've been dealing with it all day. Some support would surely
be
> welcome if anyone out there has anything to say about this.
>
> Yesterday I felt so even and good. I did quite a bit of stretching and
> exercise, the first in a coupla weeks or so and since it has been raining a
> lot here as summer changed to fall overnight I went for a walk up the
> mountain, a bit strenuous. In between those two things I did a psychic
> reading for a friend which took two hours.
>
> I've been looking at all that trying to find the "why" of the head
blowing
> off---and then my oldest daughter calls and the love touches my heart and I
> start blubbering and crying, which I've been doing for a few hours now and
as
> I do, the head ache gets less and I feel the energy pulsing in my head
rather
> than tight and horribly painful. So I see this is a case of more kundalini
> release, which is my bleep bleep life.
>
> I feel like a jelly baby puddle of "poor me" but I am watching it and not
> identifying but watching this same old energy. Seems the release which
> happens regularly with me (its happening now while I write this, tears and
> sobs just flowing) always carries the same "underthread insight theme" if I
> said that right.
>
> something like (bear with me...its tough to share this..easier to just
> watch it cry itself out and leave the blessed sense of well-being in its
> wake..but maybe someone out there can relate or knows why...what...)
>
> something like.. "o I'm so alone and winter's coming and I've got $20 to
my
> name and no one lives out here..i'm really vulnerable...and so tired...boo
> hoo hoo. I need help, God..i really need someone to help me..."
>
> that's as far as I can take it. since this kundalini I've not been able
> to do any of the things I used to do for money and nothing is in my
control.
> I do psychic readings but not on the level that I used to do before this,
ie
> running weekend workshops, teaching inner alchemy, leading meditation
groups
> and body awareness etc.
>
> Now I post a few flyers and run ads in the local alternative paper and
> people come when God sends them, by Grace and there's nothing I can do
about
> it so the money thing is a place of total surrender. I live on disability
> payments, because, for working in the world, kundalini has disabled me. my
> doctor, a deep meditator has helped me get this 10 years ago.
>
> I feel like this writing is longer than I mean for it to be and yet
maybe
> not long enough. I'll stop now. If anyone can relate, a bit of support
> and/or insight would be welcome.
>
> blessing, deesutra
>
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