To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/26 03:56
Subject: [K-list] RE: K-list Digest, Vol 14, Issue 29
From: C thasgudenuff
On 2004/08/26 03:56, C thasgudenuff posted thus to the K-list:
I just joined this listerve because I'm having a tremendous
amount of difficulty with what a few others have told me was
kundalini. I had never heard of kundalini until 8 months ago.
Currently, my life is being ruined by insomia - my sleep
patterns are non existent, and my body does not physically seem
able to sleep anymore unless in a severely sleep deprived state. >>
first of all Paul, let me just say that i am soooo happy to have read all
this!!! i joined this list for the same reason, tho have not mentioned the
issue up until now. everything you're describing here perfectly matches my
own experience. i was meditating for several hours a day while living on a
volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii several years ago. woah. the experience
with insomnia and with pressure in my head began then. it lasted several
long torturous months. i can't even tell ya. really freaked me out.
then it went away for a few years. this past spring, it began again, tho for
no apparent reason. right now it seems to be leaving me alone, and am i ever
grateful!!!
>>Last fall, I
noticed that I was starting to have trouble falling asleep.
This was accompanied by and associated with a distinct feeling
of being "wired" - an intense energetic feeling that would lodge
in the back of my head that was perceptibly linked to my
meditation practice.>>
wired is what i'd call it! i was managing about 2-3 hours a nite, which
would only catch-up to me after several days. when this is happening, i
dread "bed-time", knowing i'll be confronted with having to go to sleep. the
feeling at my brains stem kinda really freaks me out. while this is
happening, i feel extremely sensitive to the people i must interact with.
often, having to interact with people for any length of time intensifies the
whole experience.
>>Sometimes during my sitting
practice, the enregy in my head became very uncomfortable.
Sometimes it felt like my brain stem was throbbing. Sometimes I
would get this intense pressure in my head, feeling like my head
was going to pop off of my body.>>
an unsettling experience, to say the least. i had made an appointment with
my doctor and was going to insist she schedule me for an MRI, when it
finally went away. i actually went to see Amma, an east-Indian Enlightened
woman. this had a huge affect on my energy body. Zen doesn't discuss
kundalini, but the Hindus...well, they're all over it.
Amma hugged me (which is what she does for darshan) and something opened up
in my central channel. something began to whir in the middle of me while i
was at the event. it sounded as tho i had swallowed the motor to a
blow-dryer or something. other people actually put their hands on my stomach
and back and could feel/hear this happening. "are you in pain?!" one woman
asked. i wasn't . it felt like a hose had broken loose in the middle of me.
for awhile following this event, the pressure and insomnia diminished. then
my fear of the phenomena had disappeared when it did resurface. soon after,
it left me alone completely. for now?
>>In addition to the
insomnia, I get feelings of pressue/tension in my neck, chest,
and head; involuntary movments in my neck and head, and
occasional tingling/prickling sensations on the skin of my head
and genitals.
I've now stopped doing zazen to see if that would help.>>
i'm often afraid to sit when this is all happening. what i have found helps
however, is focusing on blooming bright white light at my heart center. this
is about all i can think to do...bring the energy into a chakra i can deal
with. love and compassion, balance and acceptance i can deal with. being
wired out of my gourd for days on end, feeling as tho my head is gonna pop
off is something i do not deal with well. what's worse is finding so little
scientific evidence or reliable advice regarding the whole issue. when i do
bring it up on listservs or whatever, i tend to get alot of advice that
makes me feel as tho those responding do not have much grasp of the actual
difficulty involved with the whole situation. this is not something that can
be simply wished away or turned-off, this kundalini stuff. all that can be
done is to live appropriately and try to accomodate one's heightened
sensitivity with a lifestyle that supports that.
>>If this is kundalini, there is very little about it that I find
enlightening - it is for me one big struggle, and a huge
disappointment, because the spritual dimension of my life has
become one of the most important things in my life. Other than
a few "alternate reality" dreams (one of which was precognitive)
and an episode of sleep paralysis - , this has been little more
than a trial of endurance. I had no idea my practice would come
to this sort of crisis - I get little help from my zen teacher -
he once said he has no idea what is going on (an admission that
I am somewhat disappointed with but also respect). As much as I
have taken to Zen practice, Zen really does not have any kind of
a roadmap for dealing with difficulties like this.>>
it doesn't. maybe look to the Hindu/Buddhist traditions for this.
>>So I'd be interested on hearing from other folks who might have
had expereinces similar to mine (at least in terms of insomnia,
and what can be done to help)>>
i will tell you that i was feeling too fragile to mess with sleeping pills
or anything a doctor might prescribe. i was tested for thyroid issues,
tested fine, and was prescribed paxil, which i took once and threw away.
didn't *touch* it. i'm not one for meds. personally, i have approached the
situation nutritionally. whole foods, organic, animal products are a must.
kundalini burns through food like mad (another consideration for me as i
tend to lose my appetite while all this takes place). i trust you're not
vegetarian? please not vegan. awakened kundalini needs high protein/fat
foods like (organic) cheese, chicken, nuts & seeds, essential fatty acids,
etc. if you are a vegetarian experiencing these symptoms, you may very well
be lacking certain amino acids. a great book to check-out regardless is The
Diet Cure, by Julia Ross M.A. she mentions two amino acids specifically
helpful for sleep and anxiety regulation: GABA and Tryptophan. you may
obtain GABA over the counter at a whole foods store and the like. Tryptophan
cannot be obtained this way but...something called 5-HTP may be. 5-HTP acts
as an intermediary between tryptophan and serotonin. it helps to manufacture
serotonin, which regulates sleep, and of which you're apparently lacking. i
am certain kundalini affects the manufacture of serotonin. i don't know why
but...only hope someone someday investigates this scientifically further.
regardless, taking 50-100mg of tryptophan daily (tho not with a meal
containing protein) may help you sleep. you should take this for 3 mos, and
it's perfectly safe, don't worry about it. also, B vitamins are key, as they
help the body to utilize available tryptophan (obtained through nuts, seeds
and animal products...not overcooked).
so...that's my advice on that. otherwise, kava kava seemed to help to relax
my body. any tension with this results in exxagerated symptoms. if you're
gonna have to deal with the whole situation, you might as well take
something to relax. kava kava is the root of a plant, perfectly safe, tho do
not consume if you suffer from liver problems or with alcohol.
this has been my own approach. i have been sleeping great lately, however i
remain humble in realizing the issue may return for me at any given time. i
have always been too afraid to attempt much yoga while this is happening,
for fear i might intensify the experience, regardless of what the
instructors say. my opinion is...if they've not directly been involved with
it, or are not fully Enlightened, they're not gonna have a clue. but...who's
to say? i would think tho that incorporating physical exercise into one's
routine could be useful. and tai chi? qi gong? etc. that might've been the
panacea i was too lazy to have incorpated into my life-schedule.
i'd be happy to communicate with you further off-list, if you'd like. it's
great really, in a sick kinda way, to have discovered someone suffering from
a similiar experience with kundalini. (oh, i've been dealing with k for
about 15 years, and have been practicing zazen for more than a decade.) it's
easy to regret kundalini's involvement with one's life, however it has been
my experience that with each shift/phase/kriya, something opens-up, gracing
me with an enhanced awareness/wisdom of my own place in the universe. very
humbling. sunyata sunyata. you know.
these types of difficulty seem to precipitate an increase in both energy and
in the demands about to be made on my personal energy in the near future.
you know, with kundalini, linear time's not really an issue.
aloha,
christa
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"Eternity is very big. This is one of the first things you notice about it.
It also lasts a long time." - Rama
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"Time itself is being, and all being is Time."
-Zen Master Dogen
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