To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/24 04:48
Subject: Re: [K-list] new to list - K and insomnia?
From: Doug Fraser
On 2004/08/24 04:48, Doug Fraser posted thus to the K-list:
At 08:47 PM 8/23/04 -0400, PJM wrote:
>If this is kundalini, there is very little about it that I find
>enlightening - it is for me one big struggle, and a huge disappointment,
>because the spritual dimension of my life has become one of the most
>important things in my life. Other than a few "alternate reality" dreams
>(one of which was precognitive) and an episode of sleep paralysis - , this
>has been little more than a trial of endurance. I had no idea my practice
>would come to this sort of crisis - I get little help from my zen teacher
>- he once said he has no idea what is going on (an admission that I am
>somewhat disappointed with but also respect). As much as I have taken to
>Zen practice, Zen really does not have any kind of a roadmap for dealing
>with difficulties like this.
>
>So I'd be interested on hearing from other folks who might have had
>expereinces similar to mine (at least in terms of insomnia, and what can
>be done to help)
honestly, it does not sound very much like kundalini - I am not an expert,
so other people may be able to point you
towards some definite info that will shed some light on your situation
(like that top down awakening). It sounds like
you have some prana related issues, but prana does not immediately equal
kundalini
But I can tell you for a fact that meditation does have a dark side which
no one much likes to discuss (and not many
know about either) - one can trigger off psychotic episodes, if one is
prone to it - so some people shouldn't meditate.
It sounds like you may have slid into that territory a bit for whatever
reason - I am not casting aspersions on your sanity
or anything - I am using "psychotic" in the clinical sense as in
"unexplainable, must be in the patient's head, "modern"
Western medicine doesn't understand it, so lump it all under "psychotic"
and give the patient Valium"
But my interest is in transpersonal psych, so I have heard of things like
this. And been thru similar...
But I think it's irrefutable that meditation, long term, can cause changes
in one's biochemistry and so those changes feedback
into your psychology as well as biology - it sounds like your biochemistry
has hit some sort of black ice (to be metaphorical)
and so you need to stop braking so hard and start pumping them instead (or
steer in the direction of the skid)
So I am not surprised at your symptoms, unlike your zen teacher
Your discipline certainly is admirable. I wish I had it. But my advice is
to stop with the meditation if you think it may be
a cause of things. Get more into the tai chi/yoga (body oriented stuff) -
qi gong (the little I understand of it) is more
concentrated on breath, etc so it's more like mediation. My intuition (for
what it's worth) says you may need to switch
to something that is more body oriented / all over encompassing (mind +
body) - zazen being primarily mind oriented.
Go get some bodywork, too.
I too have wrestled with insomnia - it was not k related, it was more a
side effect/cause of depression, which all over
was more like a "dark night of the soul" (it wasn't just a biochemistry
thing, I feel) You don't sound depressed, but I am
sure the stress of everything is just compounding on itself and now you're
stuck in some sort of tailspin.
I would recommend B vitamins - I found they were useful when I was having
my problems - B vitamins are useful wrt to
stress and depression and I found they helped with my insomnia. Valerian
as well - and no more sleeping pills (long term
they thoroughly disrupt your sleep such that the body can't get into the
deep stages of sleep which one really needs - they
only put the body into the shallow stage of sleep and then you get
habituated...)
hope some of this helps,
doug
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