To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/20 21:20
Subject: [K-list] Love, Surprise, the pulse, welcome
From: Diamondsutra
On 2004/08/20 21:20, Diamondsutra posted thus to the K-list:
Hello to every one:
I'm so grateful for this list, and for all of you "out there"--"in here?".
I've had a guest in my home for a few days and have been away from the list.
How much has happened on this list. I have just been reading some of the
communications and catching up a bit. (so far, its not possible for me to
read everything. Sitting in front of the computer is a thing that actually
affects this energy, this...kundalini?...this sensitive body--and in a
radical and unpleasant way, to say the least, so I am limited to the time i
can spend sitting in front of this monitor---does anyone else have similar
experience?)
Welcome Heidi. I'm so glad you were NOT saying goodbye Lone Path. Your
responses and messages and sweet words have been a lovely support to me and
its a joy to feel you still with us, Honey chile.
Thank you all for your words on "what goes up" particularly Mystress
Angelique. I can resonate with having experienced over these ....what? 13
years something that could be described as you describe it.
I went into town yesterday. The first time in what seems like maybe 10
days. Once something is past for me, I may remember certainly, events or
certain events but not what day it happened, how many days ago that was, or
even what is the date today. So....
Its always a challenge to go into town. And it is VERY hot here lately.
That is not a complaint. Most every day I go swimming in the afternoon at a
special beach, although I may go to one of the ones down the road or just
across the way. The lake is quite warm and many of us are swimming through
this , the hottest part of summer, the sun that sees us through the winter
here in the mountains.
In town, people are so gentle, we are so tender with one another, so
sweet, we are really little sweeties, us locals who live here (there's about
10,000 people who use this town as center, though many many live outside of
town up to 60 ks away.) So the library is love, the grocery stores are
love, the co-op, my appointment with my kundalini MD (she's a deep meditator
and its an exquisite blessing to be able to talk with her)
How surprised I was when I stopped for peaches (on my list) on the way out
of town around 6 pm. (i'd been in town since 1 pm-an unusually long time) and
found that the fruit stand owner was selling the fruit instead of the lovely
blond girl who is so kind, so helpful, who helps me look for the ripest
sweetest peaches, spoils me really. And boy! was he hot, was he controlling,
was he a really blue meanie!
Him: "DON'T TAKE THEM OUTTA DIFFERENT BASKETS ! don't SQUEEZE THEM!
IT'S MY FRUIT STAND. THIS IS MY BUSINESS! how many do you want?? I'LL GIVE
THEM TO YOU!!!"" YELL, YELL, control control.
ME: I'm still touching peaches and looking for the 5 or 6 I want to take
with me and commenting "tsk tsk. boy are you controlling. I like the blond
girl best. She's always such a help.
HIM: I like her too but she's not here today. HOW MANY DO YOU WANT???
I'll give them to you.
ME: I'm not telling you. I don't know. (still looking at different
peaches) Boy you'll go far. You'll go to the corporate top and make a
million. You'll control the world and get rich.) Just rolling this stuff
off the top of......what??? what mind??? my woman's tongue. just responding
to the energy.
HIM: yelling. I'M NOT MAKING ANY MONEY. HOW MANY DO YOU WANT? don't take
them outta different baskets. 'DON'T BUY THEM THEN !!!
me: MY gOD WHADDA JERK. wHATTa asshole!! I'm just trying to get a few
peaches. (still putting the right ones in my bag, like a freakin' robot!)
Here, (handing him the bag to weigh) I'm never coming here again. You are
so rude. And I'm telling all my friends not to come here. Really ! You are
being really aweful (with no emotion at all. just saying this stuff)
HIM: I don't care! $2.70.)
me: Jeezee. Handing over 3 bucks, shaking my head....outta my head
really. "Whatta jerk you're being".
I take the peaches, drop the 30 cents change in my purse and get into my
car which is right there and he yells...
HIM: FUCK YOU! DON'T COME BACK. YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.
And that unpleasant awful experience hangs with me all evening.
Gee this is getting kinda long.....maybe I'll turn it into two. That's me
not a word and then.....blah blah blah.
And I have to get in touch with the whole thing in the evening when I'm at
home. I feel like I wanna cry but the tears have gotte jammed under some
protective shell that came up> It has been sooooooo long < I can't even
remember the last time.......10 years ago, 5 maybe.....okay 3 and coming from
my oldest daughter who was on medication at the time. ...that long since
anyone has come at me with such bad feeling energy.
And then I work with it all ev ening and watch my "self" and take
responsibility for having created it my self and look at it and bring it into
my heart "the fuck you, the enemy, the buddhist tonglen the maitri and why
didn't I just put the peaches down as soon as the energy started and walk
away and get them at that place on the highway at 4 mile, or not get them at
all, why didn't I just walk away as soon as he started "coming at me in his
heat, his pain" why did I continue to engage that energy?
I had to look at that and work with it energetically
and this morning it pulsed out in real kundalini crying and laughing but it
wouldn't until I was able to feel my connection and intimacy with my beloved
God who is not person but presence and my protector and lover (as a woman
often feels about a man in form) like--in the arms of my protector I could
have my head against HIS (God's) invisible chest and feel arms around me and
just bawl it out sob sob sob and realize I messed up, the fruit stand guy
messed up and that's what we do sometimes....we get sucked in....we get
messed up or....I'll own it.... I get sucked in and messed up.
Anyhoo. I could see how "what goes around comes around" and it connected
me with the last time I told someone dear, Fuck You.
And then, just let the whole thing go and bless it. That'encounter
was "the surprise".
now I'm gonna see if I can even "send" this or if its too long.
love and blessings and more later about the pulse, deesutra
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.