To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/17 13:51
Subject: [K-list] My Kundalini Experience-New to K-List
From: Heidi Sanchez
On 2004/08/17 13:51, Heidi Sanchez posted thus to the K-list:
Wow! I am incredibly grateful for finding this list.
Kundalini, as amazingly powerful and healing as it is,
can leave a person feeling alone and at times, insane.
I have shared my experiences with friends (many of
whom live "new age" lifestyles) but have not found
others who can relate at all to my Kundalini
experience.
So, here is how Kundalini began for me:
At the age of 20, (I'm now 29) I began having very
vivid spiritual dreams. Many of which were
frightening. I have later learned that these dreams
were my own fears manifesting themselves. In the most
memorable one, I was running frantically from a demon.
I became consciously aware that I was only dreaming
and fought to wake myself from the nightmare. I
struggled with waking for some time before I finally
felt myself lifting back into an awakened state. Just
before I had the ability to open my eyes, the demon
stood within an inch of my face, speaking in the
deepest, most guttural voice and said, "I will follow
you." Obviously, I was horrified. I was certain that
I was being haunted by some ghost or something. I
began at this point to pray. I became aware that this
"demon" was a traumatic memory locked within my
subconscious. I meditated on what was haunting me
from my past. My consciousness lifted into a higher
dimension and I was accompanied by two angels. I
travelled through time to a door in my own
subconscious at which I knew behind the door was my
father and I was 3 months of age. The angels
instructed that I look through eyes of love and that
what I was about to see may cause panic, disbelief or
extreme pain. I prayed for strength and compassion.
I opened the door to see my father molesting me. The
feelings I felt at that moment, was the pain I had
carried with me my entire life. I put a name with the
face as it were. I was able to label the unknown
after years of living with the deep pain. The
compassion I had prayed for allowed me to see my
father as a wounded, broken soul. I reached out and
held the little baby (myself) and offered gentle,
motherly consolement. In an instant, the pain was
gone. I closed the door and began my journey back to
present consciousness.
After that incident, I grew by leaps and bounds.
I began meditating as often as possible and listening
to my higher self. I wanted to break through any
blocks I had.
One night, I sat in meditation in the living room in
deep concentration, eyes open. My mind receptive and
sensitive. At this point, I felt brushings against my
head and shoulders. I thought perhaps it was a ghost
or something. I felt the need to burn some sage.
Slowly it emberred. I then said, "If there are any
pure and gentle spirits in the room, please touch my
right pointer finger." Within seconds, my finger
began to move and I could feel the touching. I looked
over at the sage that was now a mini-inferno at 6
inches or better. This somewhat shocked and
frightened me and I sensed darkness about the room.
The next thing I remember the top of my head was
splitting open. I could actually feel and hear,
painlessly, the top of my head open and my
consciousness rising up. It got to a point of about 3
or 4 feet over my head and I could again sense
darkness lurking, trying to frighten me. The fears of
death, evil, hell, aliens, etc. Everything that made
me question God. The logical side of me expressed
terror. I was frozen, in a panic. But my inner voice
calmed me, told me to not be frightened, you have the
power! Say it aloud, it told me and I did, " I have
the power! I AM the power!" I said it a few times,
and as I began to believe it, the darkness began to
fade, replaced with more peace, bliss and white light.
I sensed white light all around me, within me and I
felt that my heart glowed white light.
At this point, all fear subsided and I was flying
above a planet covered with sand and pyramids. (I
still don't know what this means) I could sense that I
was One with everything. I extended my arms out as if
accepting everything. I was filled with bliss, peace
and love. At this point, still flying over the
pyramid planet, I felt I was a panther or lion, with a
triangle crown. I felt I had several arms and several
hands. I had a goat's head in the center of my back
and a black snake tail. I am not sure how long I
remained in this state. But as I ascended back down
to this level of consciousness, the fear began
taunting me again. Though the white light remained,
encompassing all of me, darkness lurked at the outer
edges, hurling at me frightening ideas. I remembered
a mantra that I knew. "I demand that all energies
submit to the great flame within my heart, I demand
that all that is not the light be transmuted and
changed so that I may be the fullness of that which I
already AM." As I said the words, it seemed to answer
so many questions of my soul. For the first time, the
mantra made perfect sense, I understood it's meaning.
The power of the words sent white light to obliterate
the fear.
At last, I felt I was back in my "perception" of
reality, filled with peace, rejuvenated, enlightened
(I thought so at the time) and happy. The experience
ended with a multi-colored 1000-petalled lotus
appearing at ceiling level in the corner of the room.
I was aghast at what had happened. Previous to this
experience, I had never seen the symbol of a lotus,
knew little about meditation and certainly had never
seen the cat-like creature that flew over the
pyramids. But, immediately following this
experience, with haste I began researching what had
happened to me. After a year or so, I discovered
literature about Kundalini. I have had other
experiences since this one, but this was by far the
most powerful. Kundalini has aided in times of
turmoil and offered amazing clarity and wisdom. At
other times, I felt I was on a roller coaster and just
wanted to get off. One thing for certain, once
Kundalini begins, there is no stopping it. I tried
for some time to stop it and I was miserable. Not
physically ill, but an emotional wreck. I am so
grateful for the energy of Kundalini as it has aided
in incredible growth in all aspects of my soul.
Sometimes Kundalini can be tough, but by all means,
the end justifies the means.
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