To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/17 13:45
Subject: [K-list] Sharing My Kundalini Experience-new to K-List
From: Heidi
On 2004/08/17 13:45, Heidi posted thus to the K-list:
Wow! I am incredibly grateful for finding this list. Kundalini, as amazingly powerful and healing as it is, can leave a person feeling alone and at times, insane.
I have shared my experiences with friends (many of whom live "new age" lifestyles) but have not found others who can relate at all to my Kundalini experience.
So, here is how Kundalini began for me:
At the age of 20, (I'm now 29) I began having very vivid spiritual dreams. Many of which were frightening. I have later learned that these dreams were my own fears manifesting themselves. In the most memorable one, I was running frantically from a demon. I became consciously aware that I was only dreaming and fought to wake myself from the nightmare. I struggled with waking for some time before I finally felt myself lifting back into an awakened state. Just before I had the ability to open my eyes, the demon stood within an inch of my face, speaking in the deepest, most guttural voice and said, "I will follow you." Obviously, I was horrified. I was certain that I was being haunted by some ghost or something. I began at this point to pray. I became aware that this "demon" was a traumatic memory locked within my subconscious. I meditated on what was haunting me from my past. My consciousness lifted into a higher dimension and I was accompanied by two angels. I travelled through time to a door in my own subconscious at which I knew behind the door was my father and I was 3 months of age. The angels instructed that I look through eyes of love and that what I was about to see may cause panic, disbelief or extreme pain. I prayed for strength and compassion. I opened the door to see my father molesting me. The feelings I felt at that moment, was the pain I had carried with me my entire life. I put a name with the face as it were. I was able to label the unknown after years of living with the deep pain. The compassion I had prayed for allowed me to see my father as a wounded, broken soul. I reached out and held the little baby (myself) and offered gentle, motherly consolement. In an instant, the pain was gone. I closed the door and began my journey back to present consciousness.
After that incident, I grew by leaps and bounds.
I began meditating as often as possible and listening to my higher self. I wanted to break through any blocks I had.
One night, I sat in meditation in the living room in deep concentration, eyes open. My mind receptive and sensitive. At this point, I felt brushings against my head and shoulders. I thought perhaps it was a ghost or something. I felt the need to burn some sage. Slowly it emberred. I then said, "If there are any pure and gentle spirits in the room, please touch my right pointer finger." Within seconds, my finger began to move and I could feel the touching. I looked over at the sage that was now a mini-inferno at 6 inches or better. This somewhat shocked and frightened me and I sensed darkness about the room. The next thing I remember the top of my head was splitting open. I could actually feel and hear, painlessly, the top of my head open and my consciousness rising up. It got to a point of about 3 or 4 feet over my head and I could again sense darkness lurking, trying to frighten me. The fears of death, evil, hell, aliens, etc. Everything that made me question God. The logical side of me expressed terror. I was frozen, in a panic. But my inner voice calmed me, told me to not be frightened, you have the power! Say it aloud, it told me and I did, " I have the power! I AM the power!" I said it a few times, and as I began to believe it, the darkness began to fade, replaced with more peace, bliss and white light. I sensed white light all around me, within me and I felt that my heart glowed white light.
At this point, all fear subsided and I was flying above a planet covered with sand and pyramids. (I still don't know what this means) I could sense that I was One with everything. I extended my arms out as if accepting everything. I was filled with bliss, peace and love. At this point, still flying over the pyramid planet, I felt I was a panther or lion, with a triangle crown. I felt I had several arms and several hands. I had a goat's head in the center of my back and a black snake tail. I am not sure how long I remained in this state. But as I ascended back down to this level of consciousness, the fear began taunting me again. Though the white light remained, encompassing all of me, darkness lurked at the outer edges, hurling at me frightening ideas. I remembered a mantra that I knew. "I demand that all energies submit to the great flame within my heart, I demand that all that is not the light be transmuted and changed so that I may be the fullness of that which I already AM." As I said the words, it seemed to answer so many questions of my soul. For the first time, the mantra made perfect sense, I understood it's meaning. The power of the words sent white light to obliterate the fear.
At last, I felt I was back in my "perception" of reality, filled with peace, rejuvenated, enlightened (I thought so at the time) and happy. The experience ended with a multi-colored 1000-petalled lotus appearing at ceiling level in the corner of the room.
I was aghast at what had happened. Previous to this experience, I had never seen the symbol of a lotus, knew little about meditation and certainly had never seen the cat-like creature that flew over the pyramids. But, immediately following this experience, with haste I began researching what had happened to me. After a year or so, I discovered literature about Kundalini. I have had other experiences since this one, but this was by far the most powerful. Kundalini has aided in times of turmoil and offered amazing clarity and wisdom. At other times, I felt I was on a roller coaster and just wanted to get off. One thing for certain, once Kundalini begins, there is no stopping it. I tried for some time to stop it and I was miserable. Not physically ill, but an emotional wreck. I am so grateful for the energy of Kundalini as it has aided in incredible growth in all aspects of my soul. Sometimes Kundalini can be tough, but by all means, the end justifies the means.
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