To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/15 18:46
Subject: RE: [K-list] Loving myself
From: loving
On 2004/08/15 18:46, loving posted thus to the K-list:
How I love (..) the timing of this subject as it fits so well on my
healing path. Last weeks I could make a step forward during the European
yoga summer solstice. I felt I was ready for this and was somehow drawn
to this festival - no escape possible. An 8 days yoga program including
3 days of white tantric yoga. WoW! I´ve experienced things I never even
dreamt of a human being would be capable to experience. So much energy,
inner space, consciousness, compassion and ... Love. For me it appeared
that Love can be felt when all the inner voices stopped telling me
´what´ to do in order to be ´loved´ and ´accepted´.
Old patterns, a personal hidden agenda in all contact and interaction,
even (or especially) with myself, that led to a strategy of keeping up
too low self esteem. Instead of being myself, being happy with myself,
loving this life I was looking for prove, and finding it, in all contact
that I was not accepted, not loved. In such a situation love cannot
grow. Not inside directed so also not outside directed. Rooted from the
´inner hurt child´ that did not know how to handle not getting the love
and compassion from its parents, that it appearently needed at an early
time.
I now believe Love appears when all the Ego devils like greed, anger,
fear etc. disappear by giving yourself enough consciousnes to superceede
them. The first white tantric day we were working on the lower chakras.
And we did work on them. Three hours of Sat Kriya in the afternoon. But
with over a thousand participants sitting in long lines men facing
women, doing kriya meditations looking eachother in the eyes, the group
energy was spectacular and it kept me going.
Second day, focussing (as it was my experience) on the heart chakra and
I felt LOVE like I never felt before. It opened me and my female partner
completely, we had circular flashes of energy going through the two of
us for hours, we could play with it and it felt like we got connected
through all our chakra´s communicating directly. WhushWhushWhus. Male
and female aspects disappeared and we felt like androgyn ´angels´
melting down in a divine spiritual conjunction. The greates experience
ever for me, until now. We felt it was making love in the purest
essence, without even touching eachother, much better than having sex.
It was in complete absence of any fear, pre assumptions, needs or
judgements from two sides that this happened. We only met eachother
while filling the lines and started immediately after that.
It was kind of hard for me the next days to de-attatch the love that I
felt, from the nice woman that I had this experience with. But deep
inside I know she helped me triggering this process, and the love is
mine inside. I should not make that dependent of one person being
around, then it would become a need. And I got my share of experience
with that... So many tears of compassion ran from my eyes those days. It
is the divine source of love that can show itself to you, only if you
clear the way.
I believe I´ve been on about the same track as you Rick, trying to
convert things to love and to learn how to find love in all. It did not
work for me. One cannot learn how to love another or itself. For me it
was total surrendering into beauty that did it. Accept yourself as you
are....what does that mean? I never understood it in my heart so it did
not work for me. I would say know, experience and feel yourself being
accepted by all and everything, heal the inner child that is still in
pain and running it´s strategies on almost every thought you get through
the ego, trying to get what it will never get in that way.
Each creation is perfects as it is, that´s why it was created like that
in the first place.
I got one mile further - many more to go. Hope this is of any help.
-----Oorspronkelijk bericht-----
Van: K-list-bouncesATkundalini-gateway.org
[mailto:K-list-bouncesATkundalini-gateway.org] Namens Rick Mayweather
Verzonden: vrijdag 13 augustus 2004 22:18
Aan: k-listATKundalini-Gateway.org
Onderwerp: [K-list] Loving myself
I've reached a stage of my healing where I simply must learn how to
migrate
or metamorphosise from the caterpillar to the butterfly that I am. Over
the
years i've been using a technique of looking at myself in the mirror and
observing who I see including the facial expressions, aka the ego and
the
person behind this and this is all extremely useful and quite powerful.
Who
can look at themselves in the mirror for years ??
I now like myself, but I need to learn how to love myself. Does it
sound
ridiculous to ask the question, how do I love myself ? I no longer hate
who
I see, I like myself, but how do I love myself ? I feel it's a very
significant question to ask.
Perhaps liking is in partially accepting myself, and loving is
unconditionally loving myself which means full acceptance. I feel i've
reached a brick wall, and I need someone to throw a rope of
consciousness so
I can continue.
Who accepts themselves totally ? Who loves themselves unconditionally ?
How did you achieve total acceptance of yourself.
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