To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/02 23:40
Subject: [K-list] Aloneness and Isolation
From: Diamondsutra
On 2004/08/02 23:40, Diamondsutra posted thus to the K-list:
I've just managed to get into the list (hooray0 and one of the first emails I
read, re Lone path relates to what i'm going thru right now.
I'm living in Canada in a very rural place in the mountains, incredibly
beautiful, near a big lake, very warm right now, in a lovely little house,
miraculous provided by God, by Life, by the Mystery that is some 4 years ago,
on about half acre of land.
Increasingly I'm becoming more and more unable to keep up this property,
cutting the lawn, tending the big garden, in summer and shoveling the
driveway snow in winter.
Also, my ability to earn money has fallen away during these past 12 years
of kundalini. The first five years, symptoms were so radical and such an
overwhelming shock, I nearly physically died three times. The third time i
was put in a medical hospital by my kundlini doctor (she is a meditator and
recognized the symptoms) in the room where people die.
By grace of God I survived all that and am now learning to live utterly by
trust. i am on disability and cannot work anymore and am finding that the
aforemention regular chores are leaving me suffering symptoms (pain,
sleeplessness, heat) for at least 3 days afterwards.
The message seems to me to let go utterly, to surrender to tall grass and
unshovelled snow. To allow this fade out from the world of the living and to
live at the source of life in a trust beyond the word trust. Rather in an
absence of every thing, so complete as to not worry about what I cannot do
but rather to watch how things get done.
I know all this, have been living, teetering on an ever expanding brink
of it for years but at this moment, the energy causing this writing is a
result of having painted my car yesterday, a job that much needed doing and
to which I had so much resistance (will I muck it up, am I up to it???etc.
etc.). Well yesterday I painted it (its an old car) with a roller and
tremclad and i was so grateful to have done a good job and to have finished
it. It looks good.
Today I am an utter wreck. filled with body pain and tears. And feeling so
much the isolation of this position. And realizing how much a good strong
body hug full of tenderness might allow this tension, ( from too much doing)
to burn through quickly, in a moment.
This is not a complaint. i experience the pain as a call to surrender.
And then I see the dychotomy, of doing what has to be done with love and of
not doing what causes pain, even if one can see it needs to be done.
what do you say?
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.