To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/07/04 20:03
Subject: [K-list] released attatchments and girls
From: Shadow121
On 2004/07/04 20:03, Shadow121 posted thus to the K-list:
nothing in this life is real. i look at the faces i see at a party and i see
them dissapear before my eyes. i have to get out of this town , but those who
are important , such as family, would be too distant.
i've seen many of my friends not be my friends anymore. i am not interested
in what people have to say and have found that i am all over them with
analyzing.
these people have no idea the things that are happening to me , as they
speak, and my everyday life would crush their reality. i am so alienated by this
perspective i have created and am curious as to its relation to being a block
pattern.
the thing about this that has made me stupid is that 'no one knows the truth
, because the truth is unable to be understood'. so as i search for the truth
i keep asking people for it and find that what they say is far from what true
nature would say..
====
i could write for hours about all of the things that seem out of place , but
one thing struck me in particular.
someone wrote an email the other day , but i deleted it and dont know who
wrote it..
he said something about "not being able to like a girl without really liking
her". that's been on my mind all day. there is so much to say and basically
this is dabilitating because its like ... i only feel ok when there's one i like
alot around.
i think alot of that , for me , has to do with dependency issues. needing my
friend and knowing that when i get a girl i am going to need her so much.
realizing this , i know i am not ready for what i truely want. thus, i have to be
patient with my self , my body , and my mind. i hvae to open my heart ,
whatever that means.
===
another thing was that , i dont know how to look at peoiple anymore. i think
its because i know what is giong on with me now and that whoever i am talking
to , for the majority of the time, is unimportant. i hate it and with this
solitude in my mind, i see it difficult to have passion in my life for anything.
i keep getting stuck on myself.
much of being stuck on myself stems from attatchments to myself. attatchments
to: the tingling on my body, the uncertainty of the tingling, the fear of not
knowing. attatchments to the way that i feel or look , what i do or say, and
furthermore , what i have done and what people think.
its like , if i let go of that , who will i be. only one way to find out.
though , much of me doesnt feel like i am in control. i feel like i am stephen
hawkings with this energy stuff because it just comes naturally , but i know i
am average joe and remain humble and depressed.
more clearly expressed the attatchments are to my friends , family , and
girls. i hvae no attatchments to my dreams or my values. i am so unclear and
EVERYTHING i do is because of someone else. with these attatchments i have formed
, i release posotive and negative attatchments and try to balance out my two
selves. inner and outter.
well ,
they say you see what you want to see...
they say that you will be free when you release.
they dont say what you should do with kundalini.
ya heard?
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