To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/06/15 10:40
Subject: [K-list] Memory Loss
From: Lone Path
On 2004/06/15 10:40, Lone Path posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Gustaf and Ranbir,
Thank you for your explanations. It is not so much affecting past memories, it seems to be affecting all memory and more especially intellectual memory. It has got to the stage where I can only talk about what I actually ‘know´ and have experienced and I can no longer talk about things that I learnt in school for instance or read. In many ways it feels rather unpleasant because I get the impression that it is now difficult for me to hold an intellectual conversation because the data that I accumulated in order to refer to something is no longer there. I also have this feeling of ‘emptiness´ because not only do I not desire anything any more but I can´t refer to things either. I would go so far as to say it feels like being the living-dead! I´m here, I´m alive, I´m empty, I´m nothing!
Gustaf, you mention the word “identity’ in your message, and this reminds me of something that happened to me some years ago. Perhaps it will benefit others in some way if I mention it. I had just returned to my hotel from a five-day seminar and I walked into the bathroom. As I opened the door I was confronted with a huge mirror and could not help but see myself. On seeing myself I recognised the form but I could no longer identify myself and I even stepped forward, arm outstretched, as if to touch the figure to see who and what it was and to verify whether I still existed. This has happened three times now. After this experience, I can honestly believe that I am not this body, that I am something else.
Yes Ranbir, it is exactly that, “wiping the slate clean’ and, as you say, “This kind of works for new memories too’, in fact any memory that is purely intellectual.
I suppose this is like emptying the garbage! What with loss of desire, loss of identity, and loss of memory, when everything is empty, what will be left I wonder – total silence!
Best wishes and much Love,
Grotweed
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