To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/04/05 22:52
Subject: [K-list] COOL experience!
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2004/04/05 22:52, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
Sat. night I figured out what has been going on with me, and it is the
COOLEST thing!
I'm going to be presenting a weekend intensive Kundalini tantra
workshop in Calgary in June.
www.kundalini-teacher.com/tantra.html
I have not really done any major Kundalini workshops in person, since
1995. I've wanted to for the past few years, but could not seem to get it
together.
I've done some smaller events, but most of my work has been online. I
used to be onstage a lot, as a comedienne, an actor and after that, often
presenting workshops and doing activism for sexual freedon, but since 1996
I've mostly been a net-geek hermit. I've gained 40lbs and lost a lot of
muscle tone in the past few years at my desk, aged considerably. That
would not be important to some folks, but for me it was sadness. I missed
my old body and looks, no matter how hard I tried to surrender it, and
accept it, I just couldn't... and whatever I did to try to diet and
exercise did not seem to help any.
Planning for the workshop intensified last month, and part of it for me
has been a bit of inner reshaping, thinking about the workshop content, but
also about how I want to be, for it. Meditating, visualizing, waiting for
inspiration. In the past, even doing the videos for FST, I had problems
with too much amitra flowing from the energy of the recipients, choking on
it and having coughing fits, and sometimes emotional chaos from the
empathy. Wanting to let go of those side effects.
Also wanting to be in shape for it, physically. Day 1 of the workshop
is 9am to 9pm, and that is quite a stretch to be onstage, speaking and
radiating Shakti... that is part of what motivated the excessive pilates
session... but I've also just had a real craving for exercise, lately... I
chalked it up to an annual spring thing. I usually get a little hyper in
spring, sap rising...
I was feeling a lot of sort of free floating anxiety the past few weeks,
just a little feeling in my belly that something was wrong.. guilt?
misgivings? impending doom? Not severe, but nagging and chronic. High
earth energy bringing up stuff? Applying gratitude for the cleansing
release seems to make it better for a while. My appetite has mostly
disappeared, I assumed it was because I tend not to eat when nervous.
Thurs-Sat I was working on preparing flyers and posters to ship to
Calgary, and everything that could go wrong, did... hundreds of pages
ruined by printing problems, etc. so that I had to do the same work over
and over again to get the quantity I needed. My not quite healed neck and
shoulders getting really stiff and sore from folding hundreds of flyers. It
made me wonder if it represented a bad omen for the
workshop... Surrendered it repeatedly, it just Is.
Sat night after I finally finished, a friend came to visit, as he does
every week and I asked him what he thought of the chaos... he could not get
a read on it but when I showed him a flyer, the first thing he noticed is
the energy of them! All the days of repeated attention had given them an
impressive charge of Shakti... ah so! Perfection! Originally I had planned
to get the stuff printed professionally, and doing so would have been
simpler, but the results would not feel so blessed.
We had a party invitation, a friend's housewarming. Good plan, for me
to get out of the house and unwind. While there, I was having a need to
stretch, a lot! Feeling tension unwinding in places where I had not noticed
it before, like spots that I had not noticed had been stiff, for years!
Felt sooo good to strech it out, as much as the social scene allowed.
Really wanted to do some intense hatha yoga... craving it as I have not
felt, in years.
Driving home from the party, I recognised a pattern to all recent
events... the problems with the flyers was an offering to Goddess of all my
fears around the workshop, I had put them into the work. Energy is energy,
the frustration at things going wrong was transmuted into a blissful Shakti
charge in the paper.
Making a paper sacrifice to the Goddess, the failed paper will go into
the fire. While printing and folding and gluing, I had also been spending
days focusing on the workshops themselves, and on the vessel, the actor's
instrument.. how I want to present myself.
Same with the odd floating anxiety recently, stuff coming up to be
cleared... and a process of building, gathering *charisma!* Pure, sheer
undiluted charismatic energy, to hold an audience attention, entertain and
enlighten and flow abundant Shakti without getting stress from the karma
feedback... Goddess reshaping me to be Her vessel!
That triggered a cascade of insights..
My physical and energy body is reshaping itself to go onstage!
Effortlessly, naturally... The lack of appetite and craving for exercise,
used to be normal for me! I remembered how it was, how I used to
be... Feeling it return, I was so grateful and happy I nearly wept! All
those years of frustration trying to locate the cause of my mysterious
aging and weight gain, and the failed struggle to change... till now, and
it is happening spontaneously, autopilot!
As I was getting these realizations in the car, I got this energy
rising... it felt like minty wintergreen and eucalyptus had been smeared
down the inside of my thighs, all through my yoni, and in a band across my
lower belly and hips. Cool energy, cold but not chilly uncomfortable like
emotions releasing or an angry ghost, really pleasant! Minty fresh tingles,
intense!!
Over the next hour the energy gradually rose in classic K fashion,
until it felt like I had a cool mountain glacier stream flowing up from my
root chakra, inside my body and pouring out my mouth. Like my breath had
become a snow fresh breeze, like those TV commercials for icy winter fresh
gum where people blow frost onto a window.
Gradually, the cool energy was flowing out my crown too, and the stream
kept getting wider. It spread to the meridians and chakras in my hands and
feet.
This morning there is a taste of wintergreen in my mouth at the spot
where my tongue naturally touches my palate, and the front of my chest,
over the heart and thymus chakras, and down over my power chakra to
second, feels minty cool and fresh. I cannot think when I have ever felt
anything like it.
I am feeling delighted and incredibly grateful for the changes Goddess
has wrought within me, so that I may be Her perfect vessel. So funny how I
struggled with aging, my weight and that stupid "Fat flush" diet, when deep
inside I knew that when the time was right, my body would simply reshape
itself, natural and effortless like it used to be. Ecstatic! : ) Goddess
blessings on the workshops, they are going to be wonderful!
So I'm wondering, has anyone else had this strange cool minty fresh
toothpaste K? I know K is often felt as "cool breezes" and I've had that,
but for me it has more often been heat, or tingles... never this intense
minty cool thing. I like it!
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