To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/03/22 06:15
Subject: [K-list] Can I tell you a scary story...again?
From: Ryan Lewis
On 2004/03/22 06:15, Ryan Lewis posted thus to the K-list:
Hello,
I sent this to the K-list about a couple of months ago but I think that
the virus scare may have kept a lot of people away, so I'll send it out
again.
I'd like to share an experience with all of you that I've had back
sometime early in March, 2003. I've already told Mystress about it when I
first joined up and it was recently brought up in a conversation a had with
another healer and so I began to wonder if I wasn't alone. It all started
when I moved out of my apartment complex and into a house with some guy "Mr.
P" (aka; piece of shit) and my friend Jose, whom I work with. Some
arrangements were made, that were never met, that persuaded me to move in.
Things were going great for about a few weeks until this little,
crack-addict girl Lisa gets released from jail, after spending several
months there, and moves back in Mr. P's house. After talking with neighbors
and getting more acquainted with Mr. P it turns out that he's the con-artist
type who brings people in and screws them over financially any way he can
and that I was just #9. Mr. P is a lonely man and was using Lisa to appease
his loneliness, we also learned later on that he was dealing drugs from the
house we were living in while Jose and I were off at work. Lisa was also
using him too for a place to stay and get high. So there was a lot of
tension building up in the house that was getting worse each day and I was
really starting to resent this little Lisa.
My friend Jose has the ability to read tarot cards when he's in a laxed
mood (he has to have a few beers before God talks to him), but he's really
good once he gets going. Anyways, this one night Jose and I were sitting at
the kitchen table getting readings done on me and my cat, Lisa was also in
the kitchen with us doing dishes. After a while, we get Lisa to sit down
with us to get her a reading. At first, she thought it was all really
amusing that two grown men would be spending their spare time together
playing make believe. It didn't take long for the facades to drop and for
her to begin crying her eyes out. She has had a really messed up life and
has even smoked crack with her own mother just to give you an idea were
she's coming from. Just then, Jose goes for another gulp of beer and then
spews it back out all over the table. He starts saying "they are so mean"
and "they don't want me reading her" as he was pointing at the devil card.
He then gets up and starts pacing all up and down the kitchen, jerking
around back-and-forth, with both his arms clenched over his chest saying
"they are so mean" over and over again. He started shouting at me in some
kind of twisted looking form "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I DO!" after I told him to
surround himself with a bubble of light...oops, bad idea. Anybody seen the
movie Exorcist, cause that's what it was starting to look like. Then the
pressure inside the room just felt like it dropped and the whole atmosphere
around us suddenly changed. We were all losing circulation in our bodies
and my hands were becoming twisted like and I nearly lost control of my
boules. Lisa tried to get up and was hopping around the kitchen on one leg.
After about a minute, things returned to normal and we finished up with
the reading. (I think this is some kind of reaction with our own karma that
we all hold within ourselves. I'm wondering, now that my Kundalini has me
pretty much cleared me out for the most part, how my body would react to the
same experience all over again?) Jose comes up to me later saying it was a
good thing that I was there because I absorbed it like a sponge, I told him
it's a good thing I did because I was getting ready to knock his ass out
with a chair and dial 911. He also had little scratch marks on his back and
behind his arms afterwards.
It must have been really traumatic for the both of us because we really
couldn't recall what had happened, we kind of had to spend some time
together sorting things out piece by piece. Even to this day, as I'm
writing this to you, I have to keep coming back again and again to add, save
and edit to this letter before I send it off to the K-list. I'm looking at
this like it's a painting; I'm never really finished with it...If I tried to
write it out all out at once it would be all jarbled up and wouldn't make
much sense. Lisa couldn't remember a thing, maybe it's spiritual weakness
combined with crack. I'm still not completely sure what really happened or
what come out of Lisa that night. I do know that the next day I felt GREAT!
I can't say if it was because releasing something from her released
something from me or maybe I'm some kind of karma vampire or whatever. I
felt very peaceful and still like I was on painkillers. The other healer I
spoke with says that people with substance abuse problems usually have a lot
of beings/entities hanging around them. The clairvoyant witch across the
street from us said that an evil spirit came out of her body. This is not
really something that I look back on with dread or regret, but something
that was fun and exciting and ready to do again. Still though, I'd really
have to work up the courage to do something like that all over again.
Several days after the incident Jose says he can hear people running
around in the attic laughing (mean laughter) and having a good time, because
they like this house and they like what Mr. P brings in here. He also felt
that there was something out there waiting. I said, "well, what do you
mean?" He says, "I don't know...there's just something outside the
house...waiting." This kind of scared me because I've have not had that
much spiritual training at all, especially with this boogie-man shit, and
anything you can't shoot at and won't bleed frightens me. On top of that, I
didn't know "WHAT" the hell we were dealing with. When he said that, I
immediately felt it was the same disturbing energy force that was in the
kitchen with us that night. I kind of felt like it was somehow drained of
it's power and it was waiting for the right time and moment to make another
pass. Every time I stepped out of the house at night to go to work it would
feel like I was being watched and that hate was being directed at me.
Sometimes when I stepped outside a terrible image would flash before me for
a millisecond but was being kept away somehow. Just long enough to get your
attention but not long enough to set off any alarm bells. I don't know,
maybe it was just the drug dealers watching me across the street, but I
prayed for the right archetypes to surround and guard the house as long as I
was in it. Looking back at it, from this point in time, I'm more inclined
to see them as thought entities. It's like Mystress says with children
playing with their toys long enough they become very real to them. Maybe,
it was emotional turbulence running on some kind of computer program seeming
like a cyborg or a terminator. Not something real, just something that we
make real. Then again, I'm not really too certain about it either.
After a while, Jose moves out of the house and Lisa's therapy counselor
shows up to stay with us for a while to help Lisa get back on her feet. I
was glad to see my prayers being answered the very next day, Goddess moves
at the speed of business. I became very sympathetic towards Lisa after that
night in the kitchen and wanted to see her overcome whatever she was up
against. At first, I could have cared less about what happened to Lisa, but
during that night I somehow channeled into her and saw her as she really
was; a very beautiful person. This was very disruptive towards my ego-self
that at first just saw her as just an irresponsible skank that was "in my
way." I never had that happen to me before, so in a logical sense, a little,
crack-addict girl helped change me in more ways than most people have ever
done. From that point on I was looking at her like she was my own little
sister. From the card reading I could see that Lisa's evil sister was one
of the main players in her life situation. I felt the hatred that was being
directed towards me out that doorstep was along the same frequency of Lisa's
sister directing at Lisa and her mom. I remember her calling up Lisa asking
permission to pierce Lisa's baby with earrings. Not really going to, but
just using a innocent/gullible type person for emotional target practice
over the phone. I was hearing it in the other room as she had Lisa jumping
through every hoop. Watching her go through all these things made me cry in
the shower a lot of times. One day, while trying to get some sleep in my
room while allowing Lisa's counselor to use my computer, I felt like
something was disturbing/agitating me by pulling hairs on my legs and
keeping me from getting any rest. I just got up and went to go watch the
war in Iraq on TV when the light bulb in my room exploded as soon as I
walked out the door. Jose remembers lying down in that room, just when he
was about to fall asleep, sensing two human like arms with large, demonic
looking, claw-like hands coming up over his head and towards his chest area
before he'd wake up in fear. I told Jose about the light bulb incident and
he remembers that happening to him as well, he also said the lamp unplugged
itself in front of him leaving him alone in the dark: ) I remember one
time, while trying to fall asleep, just right when I was about to, only to
suddenly wake up submerged in terror with adrenaline going through me and
not knowing why. After Jose moved out of the house he would light up white
candles for her and they would immediately break, crack open and turn dark
every time...so he just lit up a black one and let them suck on that.
Attempts to get Lisa back on track failed so Lisa's counselor kicked her
out of the house, then left. Mr. P let her back in that same night for
sexual favors. Mr. P is a good person and has a conscious, but he's sick in
head and does bad things. His attitude is, "if you won't let me help you
let me screw you first before you die." She started smoking crack in the
house again and I was getting furious. Personally, I've had bad experiences
with drugs that nearly destroyed me and so I know what they can do to
someone...I will not tolerate that shit around me ever again! I told Lisa
that if she ever smoked crack in this house anymore that I'd be calling the
cops (I'd prefer the Gestapo up at this point but the cops will have to do).
She just said, "whatever, fu&% you., blah, blah, blah. So I replied,
"I've said what needed to be said" and right when I turned around she kind
of sank into the couch like she just absorbed something, with a complete
look of disgust and futility across her face. She looked kind of like she'd
been shot in the stomach and was dying. It was like my Higher Self said,
"Alright, if you don't want help I wont" then gave something back to her.
>From that point on, it was all downhill until I got the hell out of there.
I look back at this situation as a great learning experience. I started
to become too involved with trying to help Lisa that I was paying too little
attention to people stepping & spitting on me when they obviously didn't
want any help. After that, I was like ok, I just need to learn to chew my
leg off like a coyote caught in a bear trap to keep a safe, emotional
distance from people like that from now on. Now I know staying grounded and
centered would be a much more better alternative. This was also one of the
most diffinative moments in my life. I felt both kind of victimized and
excited by the asteral realm after the "kitchen incident." So next time,
instead of just sitting in a chair with a stupid look on my face while were
all being attacked like that, I wanted to be more conciously involved. I
wanted to learn more about myself and find out who I really was instead of
always feeling "on the run." That's when I started buying up all these pagan
books and researching heavily into witchcraft. Just a year before that, if
you were to ask me what a pagan was I might think it was maybe someone in
the American-colonial period dressed up for Thanksgiving. While reading up
and improving my spiritual-IQ with withcraft, pranic healing, crystals,
etc., I felt as if something was lacking. I didn't know what it was it was
just as if all this research really wasn't making me feeling any better
except leaving me with 10 more questions for every one I solved. I kind of
pondered about what it was that I really needed and that's when the
Kundalini took off in me, like I explained in the first letter to the K-list
in October, 03. After I started reading through Mystress's website I knew
why none of this research and learning was doing me any good, because wicca
is an "egotistical" religion with just about everything else I do or have
ever done. When I started to realize that my ego was the source of all my
ills, that I was my own true enemy, I just woke up one day wanting to take
my ego out and beat him to death with my bear hands. Obviously, this kind
of thinking wasn't going to do anything for me except spin my tires in the
mud. Instead of getting angry with myself, I needed to learn to get to know
and except myself as me and understand that my ego was here to protect
me...that's when the real healing can start.
I'm just curious if anyone else on the K-list has ever had an experience of
being "ambushed" by the paranormal?
I also hoping anyone else could offer some help shed some light on the
matter by expressing what they think it could have been.
Sweet Dreams,
Ryan
Afterthought; I think the movie 'Phenomenon' with John Travolta is the most
closely related film that's in accordance with Kundalini and being
K-awakened.
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