To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/03/11 21:16
Subject: Re: [K-list] grieving and more...
From: Rose
On 2004/03/11 21:16, Rose posted thus to the K-list:
Valerie,
I found the essay on www.elcollie.com , you could ask the webmaster for
using it. Your question about oversensitivity and chakra's really triggers
me. I´ll share my experiences with ´oversensitivity´ with this list and hope
someone can give me some ideas about what is happening....and maybe some
suggestions....
I've been oversensitive to other people's emotions and thoughts for a long
time. I tend to overreact on all kind of negative judgements I seem to pick
up in the minds of others...fueling them with my reactions and making them
´real´ in this way...and there are a lot of those thoughts that I pick
up...bringing me out of balance....taking away my self confidence and my
possibilities to stand open to the unknown....I was so afraid something
would happen to our kids....car accident....ilness....
The last years all this expanded in me to a negative picture of the world
and its future. So much hate, violence, pollution, short term thinking and
acting of people, egocentrisme etc. raised my fears. My response to this, as
I understand now, was an never ending effort to be in control of the things
I could control. In May 2003 I got the hammer on my head when my wife told
me she considered a divorce after a relation of 12 years. She had met
someone from her study period and they fell in love...We have 3 kids of 7, 5
and 1 and all of this realy put my world upside down. I had a lot of
discussions with our common friends who assured me that my fears for the
future and efforts to prevent bad things to happen were not extreme in such
a way that they were beyond the avarage. So everybody around us tried to
convince my wife to come back on earth and focus on keeping our family
together and have confidence. She couldn´t and she cannot until now....
This was my reason to start exploring my heart and soul.....and this journey
led me to Kundalini yoga. Something is happening to me and I do not know
what it is. I´ve developed a strong telepathic sensitivity to my wife since
our breakup...eventhough we live separated since 4 months this is still
coming with strong waves. Half a minute before she calls me I hear a phone
ringing in my head. I had very bad times when she was with her new friend
(who recently told her goodbye...) talking about her relation with me. It
felt like a desert storm was eroding my brains and a dozen of rabits were
having my stomach for dinner...I wrote the time down when this happened to
me and the first time when I told her about this she almost fainted because
the times had an exact match with what I expected....Recently we celabrated
carnival and my wife decided in the morning not to go out having diner with
our friends that evening, I told here I intended to go....when I dressed up
in the evening (we do wear funny outfits for carnival) I saw I had taken two
´traditional´ carnical shawls from the storage instead of one...I put one in
my pocket for my wife for I thought she would come...half a minute later the
phone rings, its my wife....she asks me to bring an extra shawl as she
decided she wants to join us....she asks me if she can borrow some money for
the dinner, I tell her I don´t have enough cash at that moment but that
money has never been a precondition for us being together but a result of
that (the words came out of my mouth without me understanding what I was
saying at that time)...at the end of the dinner one of our friend tells us
he has an opening on his own company´s tax declaration and wants to pay for
the 9 of us....to much synchronicity for one to carry in one day....
So what would be going on here? Chakra´s opening or something else? What
should I do with it...should I do something with it or ignore it? Sometimes
after a meditation or yoga set I go out in the night in the open air looking
at the moon and the stars and I have this strong feeling of her higher Self
being strongly connected with my higher Self. It feels like perfect harmony
and comfort and I ´know´ that on the level of the higher Selfs everything is
fine between us. Sometimes it feels like the harmony is overscreamed by
cries for help that seem to come from her lower self, her ego. I don´t know
if I use the right words to describe it, it is something like we communicate
through higher chakra´s or something like that....Painfully enough, during
normal daily contact we cannot work anything out together....
I had similar experience with our youngest daughter who slept in our bedroom
the first 10 months when she was a baby. Each night she woke me up a few
times and our higher Selfs were playing with eachother, melting together and
dancing wonderful dances of joy, so soft so sweet, so infinite, so pure....
As soon however as I would focus my mind to this beautiful joining, she
would start crying. Now she is almost 2 years old and she speaks my thoughts
quite often. For example, driving in the car or being with the two of us in
a room she just says what I am thinking...
In any case, all these experiences convince me there is something more...al
postings on this list show me that I am not the only one experiencing
strange things....
Namaste,
Rose;
>
>>I really appreciated this composition - thankyou. I just wonder if some
>>of us weren't born with our heart chakras open already - which has caused
>>so many people so much unexplained grief and duress?
>
> After the death of my first born son, my heart felt like it had been
>trampled on by a herd of wild horses. I thought I too, was going to
>die, but I didn't.
>
> But, even as far back as I can remember, I have been crying for the
>"state of the world". In Catholic schools as a child, i used to go to
>church every day and pray for everybody, instead of going to recess.
>
> I just wonder if - some of this "oversensitivity" might be explained by
>the heart chakra being open before it's ready? Maybe even the other chakras
>aren't open yet, but the danged heart chakra leaves one wide open and
>hurting?
>
> It seems like I've been in grief forever so far!
>
> Are people sometimes born with one or another chakra open? Being born
>with the heart chakra open would go a long way in explaining the moodiness
>and heartache some of us are born with.
>
>all my best,
>valerie
>http://aflow.net
>ps (may i publish this essay on my website?) )
>
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