To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/02/23 04:31
Subject: [K-list] journey
From: elargonauto
On 2004/02/23 04:31, elargonauto posted thus to the K-list:
Hi!
I read the answer from MAS to your post a felt attracted to read your post ....
* I read a few books on Osho and his philosophy and admired his radical interpretations and adaptations to life in the modern *world. I had been introduced to marijuana at college and initially it was appealing for what it did to the senses and sound.Being
*highly introspective and self critical I would listen to artistes with sensitivity, depth and humility in their songs. Bob Dylan was
* always appealing but it was Sinead O'Connor who touched me with her clarity of expression and humility of approach.
I found really amazing too. Reading his transcripted essays I found finally someone who spoke and showed a lot of ideas I had been madurating on my own but I haven´t found anywhere.
I really love Sinead O´Connor. In my darkest moments I could say that "she" has been with me. :).
*I just sat there on my bed thinking that I was the Creator, I didn't realize how but I sat there played some music and imagined *creating the world, the sun, the Moon, the Earth, the planets etc maybe I took it too literally. It was a highly abnormal experience *and since I have never hallucinated before while on marijuana, I warned myself against losing my mind.
I find it to be a wonderful experience. :).
*It was in the following days that it dawned on me that I was the messiah and I have never felt more desolate and despondent *as I had no clue to what this meant and how I was supposed to react.
I can´t really understand this "ideas" about the messiah. >From an out-of-christianity point of view I don´t see a direct connection between being given "gifts" and having the obligation to "save" the world. ?¿.
*I am not clear about the exact occurances but I was in a trance for almost three months. I would find myself in extreme trance *conditions speaking about things that I would have the least idea about. Once in a room with my parents I went into trance and *blurted out loudly 'it was you who ate from the fucking serpent' in an accusatory tone to mother, and then turned around and *shouted 'it was you who wrote the story, I'm just an actor', to father. I had no idea as to what this was all about as I personally do *not accept the Garden of Eden story and the blame it rests on Eve. I was in extreme psychosis sometimes overflowing with love *for creation walking around talking to the birds, butterflies, flowers and plants like St. Francis of Assisi.
As I have read in the Oshos´s history and Ramana Marshi´s this states of deep trance can be part of a deep inner transformation. If I remenber well Osho went through practically a year not speaking with anyone, like disconnected. Modern mentaly can´t understand the intense healing and change that is produced along this periods. :(.
About what you tell about the Eden, I can imagine two explanations. First your inherited values from your christian education. Second, that as I see it, we have to charge with our parents ignorance. So, somehow it´s their fault if we have a hard life. They could have solved it themselves, and not give the charge to us to be solved. But you have to be very lucky to get parents like that.
As I have read of your experiences they sure should have been very difficult.:(. The fluid at your spine, as I´m sure you should have read is directly related with the kundalini. In my own experience all my "external" kundalini symtoms started with a sensation of fluid goin down the spine.
Personally, I haven´t experienced strong "psycosis", just leser ones. Lost of control for just one or two seconds. As I see it as long as we repress our emotions and feelings it get stronger and stronger in the under-you until it goes out so hard that is not possible to control. I imagine it should be very dificult to heal. Because as we lose control we tend to repress even more ourselves, when in fact we need to relax the grip so the inner burning can get smaller.
About having experiences imaging myself as Khrisna or God. I haven´t but I imagine myself from time to time as developing "magical abilities" or I see myself as a "superior being". Well, It just comes and goes, but It don´t have to be necesarily untrue. ?¿. I had one time a vision where I saw myself surrounded by clerks in wite robes speaking to a multitude of thousand of people. It is just my imagination? Is it a view from a past life? Is it a leak in time and Have got a flash from the future? I really don´t know. But there can be true in it.
Well, I hope things get clearer to you with time. The homoestasis (the natural ability of the body to recover health and stability) is much more stronger than it is usually thought of, and can let you recover from a lot of things. With the proper confidence it can make miracles. So I wouldn´t lost the hope in recovery.Good luck!
elargonauto.
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