To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/02/20 08:26
Subject: Re: [K-list] journey
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2004/02/20 08:26, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 03:13 PM 15/02/2004, manik tirkey wrote:
> The fluid that rose up my spine and filled up every pore of my skull
> has left me feeling mentally deficient and prevents me from pursuing any
> kind of intellectual pursuit and has utterly destroyed me in all
> respects. Depression veers between manic depression though there are some
> periods of respite. I could succumb to more bouts of psychosis. (Somebody
> please guide me on this. This seems to be my primary affliction.)
I think it is good that you are under the care of medical doctors and
psychiatrists. Stick with that. The list members can offer some comfort,
suggestions, and shared experiences, but you cannot depend on us to heal
you, advise you or take care of you. We cannot be responsible for your
physical and mental health and well being, that is for your Doctors to handle.
OK? Disclaimer! Use our advice at your own risk, an email list is not a
replacement for competent medical care! I'm not a psychiatrist or an MD, I
can only offer what I know from my own experience. Your mileage may vary.
Kundalini can cause psychosis, but that does not mean all psychosis is
Kundalini. What I know about Kundalini psychosis is, don't attach to
anything. What I read in your bio, is a pattern of getting very serious,
really attached to some of the insights you have been given, and that
attachment pulls you off balance.
Many Kundalites get similar visions, being a messiah, being various
deities, the Sun, etc. but the thing to do is just shrug them off and move
on. Don't get serious about it, don't act on it, it is intended to be
transient, just stuff moving through, you get a look at it on its way out.
If you get involved in it, you make it bigger and it can get stuck in you,
turn into psychosis.
Many people get a "you are the messiah" message when the heart chakra
opens, and a few take it too seriously and go off into psychosis, start a
new cult, whatever... but most people just go, "OK, that was strange" and
they don't take it seriously... which is a healthier attitude.
The Christ consciousness is an aspect of the heart chakra, Jesus was a
manifestation of heart chakra love. We are all messiah, and so what? :) Ya
know?
If you have been reading some of the traditional Yoga books, they
suggest not giving attention to the transient phenomena along the path,
because it can become a distraction from the goal. You have had some pretty
major
distractions! Giving too much attention to transient phenomena.
If you re-read your post, you can see what I mean.. you got so involved
in the various visions and insights that they took you over. Don't do that
anymore. If you hear a voice saying "You are Krishna" or "Jump off a
building" or "burn all that stuff", just go, "hmm, that is odd", shrug,
and go eat lunch, or something similarly mundane. Don't give it any power.
It will pass, and sooner if you give it less attention.
> Since my last psychosis, two years ago, I have been impregnated with
> some gaseous fluid in my stomach (does not show in an ultrasound). Has
> left me with a distended, protruding abdomen which, though painless and
> has seemingly no effect on the intestinal functions, leaves me in anguish
> and in extreme physical and mental discomfort. It moves about in the
> abdomen but is so profusely enmeshed that inspite of some of it trying to
> leave there is so much that it is of no respite. What could it be and how
> do I get rid of it?
Well, first I am confused because you say it is painless but it leaves
you in anguish? Physical and mental discomfort?
I assume you mean mental anguish because you obsess about it. Stop
obsessing.
I've dealt with some pretty odd entities, that cause physical
symptoms. Just the other day, I was doing some clearing on a woman and I
noticed that she had some spirits or entities living in her womb. I have
had that, it made my body think I was pregnant and messed up my hormone
balance.
I mentioned that to her, and she said that she and her husband have
been trying to have a baby for ten years, and people have thought she was
pregnant because of how she looked... We removed the spirits, and her belly
started to deflate right away. It seems that her wishing and hoping had
attracted the critters. I told her from now on she needs to stop trying to
conceive. Just enjoy her life with her husband, and trust that Goddess will
bless them with children when the time is right. She felt a lot lighter
afterwards, physically and emotionally.
In your case though, I feel it is the opposite. I think this is a
medical condition that you are mistaking for an entity.
I'm not a medical doctor, so don't take my casual suggestion as a
diagnosis, but I suspect you have some candida yeast overgrowth that is
causing the bloating and gas. May have been caused by the stress, and
probably you were getting a lot of antibiotics when you were in the
hospital after your 4 storey fall.
Antibiotics often have a side effect of messing up your internal
ecology, and causing a candida overgrowth. You can do a web search on
"Candida" and find lots of information.
Candida is a type of yeast, it makes your belly bloated just like
yeast makes bread dough rise and bubbles in beer. My naturopath calls it
"boingo belly" because the belly is springy like a balloon when poked. Gas
bubbles gurgling in your belly. It does not really affect digestion, but
yeast makes toxins that can affect your moods and mental state.
Most MDs won't look for that unless it shows up on your tongue (thrush)
or genitals. Yeast infections are more easily detected in female genitalia
than in men, but men can still get it, internally. Have it checked out
with a naturopath.
> Have no kind of sexual sensitivity, even though I can get mentally
> turned on. (Limp, Can't get a boner)
That can happen. It will pass.
> Have lost my faith totally, sardonic, lost all motivation, find any
> kind of prayer, worship disdainful, but I still believe in love and the
> goodness of the human spirit.
Beautiful.
> Now this is unreal... None of us like this anymore forced to share my
> life and they can't even shut it off, they kind of see whatever I see in
> their minds as clearly as I see. Two of them are from the university from
> batches junior to mine and though we had not spoken but we have
> interacted in strange subtle ways,
> One is a newsreader on TV and though I thought she was special, my
> interest was perfunctory.
Well, it could happen, or it could be the manifestation of a
psychosis. I'm inclined to think the latter, especially because you open
this story by stating it is unreal... maybe you meant it in a different
way, but the words you chose are revealing.
I have had similar experiences, but mostly with people I have had an
intense personal relationship with, to make an empathic/telepathic bond, or
on a *very* short term basis with people I am teaching or counselling. I've
had telepathic conversations validated by the people I had them with in
real-time... so much that I'm used to using telepathy as a means of
communication with people I am close to... and I sometimes appear to my
students to help them with stuff.
Not with people, like you say, that you have not really spoken to,
spent time with, talked to in person, etc.
I have had people whom I knew briefly or casually, who got obsessed
with me, convinced I was in their mind all the time telling them stuff. I
wasn't.
Some of them became really persistent stalkers! It had nothing to do
with me, it was their own psychosis. Some part of their own consciousness,
or maybe some entity was talking to them, wearing my face and using my
voice, but it was not me. Their imagined connection to me was not real. I
told them so, but they did not believe me. They liked their psychotic
fantasy of me casting love spells on them, better than the reality of me
telling them to get lost.
>Now we are all tired and any kind of prayer doesn't help.( I don't pray
>they do.) Since all this seems purposeless and has no future course,
>everybody wants out, and that's the best for everyone.
Does this information come from actually talking to them about it in
person, or is this what the voices in your head have to say? Is it possible
for you to have a real conversation with these women and find out whether
they really are experiencing your thoughts? If they tell you no, believe them.
I think, that you attached to a few synchronicities, like them getting
the same music, and turned it into a psychosis, just like you turned some
other things into a psychosis by focusing on it too much. Stop focusing on it.
Talk to your psychiatrist about this stuff, OK?
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