To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/02/18 10:36
Subject: Re: [K-list] Hi , im new
From: baf sffaw
On 2004/02/18 10:36, baf sffaw posted thus to the K-list:
Hi , thats really amazing that its still active since 1996.
I'm actively going through a K (life force) raising , accept this has been going on since birth until recently i thought i was bipolar and had doctors tell me i was. at age 12 i was placed in a mental hospital for 2 weeks do to psychosis. I've been an empath receiving signatures from people my entire life , as a kid i used to assign people different colors since i was unable to decipher the information i got about them , i still cant verbalize most of the feelings. but i thought everyone had this feeling. so i never payed much attention to it until recently.
my symptoms as a child was mainly bipolar (from the empathy most likely). and cold chills running through me alot. Also when i smoked marijuana i twitched. (no it wasn't laced) marijuana raises your vibrations. when i was 15 is when the heat flashes started sometimes strong enough to make me stand up and think loudly to myself "WTF"
i would sweat from them. i got and still get alto of heart palpitations. And horrible prickly needle feelings.
when i was 13 through 17 i was very shut off from the world , i lived another life and ignored the real world for a very long time. it involved UNIX manuals and auditing source code for bugs(i read "Advanced Programming in the UNIX environment" cover to cover at age 15). If you don't know what that is don't worry about it , lets just i was very delusional from age 13 to 17. In this time i was chasing knowledge dealing with other manipulative people like myself at the time. i developed alot of mental skills during that time also. as i slowly came back to reality , my empathy was unbearable in large crowds (i didn't know what was happening at the time), i would lose my own sense of self for others sense of self. I became fasinfascinated other worlds and i wanted to try to get there with a drugs. sadly i never got around to trying any drugs accept DXM one time , which afterword decided to learn astral projection sober. I still do use one drug , marijuana (to keep my sanity).
when i use marijuana now i twitch like a thunderbolt is being jolted through me.
I could never use it around my friends , they would think im haveing a seizure.
Anyway since i got interested in other worlds i read alot into notes and some how or another came to K. at this time i was 17 and had more symptoms then ever once i came to the realization it was K. unbearable pricklys , cold sweats , night sweats , i wake up in the astral fully conscious , cold chills hundreds of times a day, telepathy, i really don't know what it is but i know it is voices , it is either subjective manifestations i've created with my imagination over the years or my own words through an old ego or my higher self , broadcast thoughts from other people or whatever i really don't know. but its voices. heat on my feet and hands , numbness in my arms and side of my hands , unbearable pressure behind my eyes , snake bites. twitching in every area of my body , strong jerks from my back (treats me like a pendulum). heavy pressure on chakras , chest pains, heart palpuapalpitations often , hot flash's , extremly sensetive to sounds and people, i would know who is behind me
before even looking at them , deminished sex drive (not normal being 17 and male!). My hands turned purpleish blue one time.
And alot more symptoms i don't feel is needed to list. basically all the things on the symptoms page. i had a direct knowing of things i cannot put into words. i cannot stand to be around some of my friends , i can see right through all of their ego induced lies. and they never understand any of the concepts i try to explain to them.
unfortunately is where the story ends , as i am still 17 years old.
I am empathic in the sense that i understand but i really don't have much sympathy because most problems in life are caused by our own imperfections.
I really had no connection with the physical world from 13 to 17 , my connection was with a computer screen. (MIPS assembly rules!). Recently ive Iven just letting my mental state go and not trying to fight it. I am becoming a new person slowly (trust me it ain't puberty) i really have no idea what to do. I've began studying the nature of the universe.
I also have a strong wanting to study the dictionary front to back. In hopes i might be able to express my ideas further with a full knowledge of every word in this language.
I'm 6 feet 5 inches tall. And like exercise (i smoke though).
I have plans to attend college for computer science.
I live in a lower class suberbian neighborhood.
In an abstract view of myself i tend to believe i'm a good person.
I have had a blood test and a physical , nothing is found to be wrong. (no thyroid imbalance). The mental symptoms are impossible to relay verbaliy to others. Well , you guys should know what i mean. I know I'm in the process of developing alot of mental skills like will and love.
For instance (after study on thoughts and manifestations in the astral) , i found myself paralyzed in the astral one day and surrounded by "demons" screaming, i started to panic and shouted "NO!" and forced my will upon them that they did not exist and nothing was there. they disappeared. I'd like to share some essays.
My mental state right now is like the ocean tide. Everyday is completly different from the next. This is nothing new to me , i haven't been grounded since the day i was born, which is why it was hard to tell my own symptons since i've had most of them forever.
I pray to god whats happening to me is what i think it is. Im dead if it isn't.
i think thats enough for now.
bye.
---------------------------------
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.