To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/02/16 20:06
Subject: Re: Power chakras unfolding. (was Re: [K-list] maintaining
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2004/02/16 20:06, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 05:53 PM 15/02/2004, Doug Fraser wrote:
>well, thank you for this post - it triggered a realization (that I've realized
>several times, but I think once it gets triggered enough, it'll finally
>sink in)
>about some things... A useful post to be saved
I am glad you enjoyed it. I am curious about the nature of your
realization?
>I don't want to get in the middle of this current mess,
No worries, Morgan unsubbed shortly after I posted about how people who
play the "Take my ball and go home" control drama on email lists, tend to
hang around to see the reactions... ;) heh...
>but I just wanted to note
>there does seem to be some dynamic with you and people ascribing you with
>a "guru" status -
"Guru" is not a title I apply to myself. I have a title of sorts, not
found in any dictionary... Mystress = Mistress + Mystic + Mystery coz I
dunno what the heck I am... :)
Some of the people who project the Guru label onto me, do so in order
to deny that I qualify. It is kind of funny, really. I have never said I
am a Guru, they say I am one, in order to complain that I'm a bad one... or
not one at all.
One difference between what I do, and what a Guru does, is the level of
responsibility. It is part of the role of the Guru to take on the karma of
devotees in order to process it within themselves. I think, by giving me
Guru status, even if only to argue against it, they unconsciously feel free
to project their karma onto me... often, using blame. Karma follows
responsibility, blame is a way of projecting responsibility... projecting
karmic stuff.
Every action, is love or a cry for love.
>read carefully, your messages are fairly neutral and explanatory
>but it's interesting to be able to see how people could read more into them
Truth hurts, no matter how gently it is expressed. If something is not
true, it cannot hurt. It is simply nonsensical, gets no reaction.
For example, if I tell you that your blue hair looks stupid, or that I
hate ugly Chinese people like you... it will bounce off, and not affect you
because it is obviously untrue.
(I'm assuming you are not a blue haired Chinese person! Fraser is a name
of Scot ancestry? I don't hate Chinese people either, or find them ugly...
it is just a random example. I actually like blue hair.)
On the other hand, something that is true, especially if it is a
painful truth that hits a nerve, pokes a button, triggers some
karma,... it will often get a defensive, aggressive or hurt reaction...
even if the feedback or information has been requested, and is expressed in
a gentle or neutral way.
Easier to work with someone if there is trust... because then they
will recognise the emotional reaction as internal evidence of issues to be
cleared, and accept it as food for growth, rather than going on the
warpath. They will thank me for sharing my perceptions instead of attacking
me for it.
With email, too, yes... it is easier for people to ascribe emotions
that are not there... the witness voice is actually calm and neutral.
I tell people all kinds of terrible things about themselves in my phone
sessions... like "I see this blockage, here. It is caused by this
ineffective behavior pattern which you adopted at this time in your life,
to compensate or deal with this situation, but what it actually does is
give this result... can you see how that is unworkable?"
Usually seeing the stuff in this way provokes giggles as people laugh
at themselves and release. They can hear that there is no anger or
accusation in my voice, the stuff just IS. We then surrender the blockage
and the pattern, and move onto the next thing. What has been surrendered,
might be an awful behavior that would trigger big guilt issues under other
circumstances... but I'm not there to make moral judgments, the Witness
does not judge, it just observes and informs, and offers other options.
Most stuff, can be surrendered without needing to know what it is... it
is just lint, dust blown up along the road of life. Just, "here is some
stuff, I see a round greyish thing at the second chakra, Goddess take it
thank you."
With some stuff it is useful for the pattern to be consciously
recognised, so the choice to change can also be conscious. There can be
awareness: the spiritual imperative "Know thyself."
Especially with control patterns formed in childhood, the inner child
persona was well motivated to adopt the ineffective pattern, by
safety/survival issues and will resist letting go unless it gets deeper
understanding, and is presented with a more effective way to feel safe, or
get the need met.
Know thyself. Know what your patterns are... like what I wrote about
recognizing the fluffy bunny/righteous sadistic vengeful victim pattern in
myself, a decade ago. That woman is still inside me, the pattern reappears
if my energy gets blocked or very low, and I am not getting my needs met...
but she cannot be repressed again, or catch me unawares. Power chakra alarm
goes off to stop me acting on it.
For several years after that event, I went into extremes of the other
polarity... always taking personal responsibility for anything that
happened to me, no matter how painful. Focusing on "I attract that which
occurs" and looking inward to see what pattern in myself manifested that
event, absolutely refusing any hint of victimhood, or admitting injury.
Determined not to fall back into the pattern of sadistic victimhood.
After a few years of doing this, I noticed I was surrounded by some
extremely abusive people! "What we resist, persists." Looking inward, the
answer was imbalance. I had taken too much responsibility, responsibility
for thier actions as well as my own. I never defended by boundaries or
called people on their actions, so I was an abuser's perfect uncomplaining
toy.
Imagine me sitting still and silent in meditation pose with someone
repeatedly hitting me over the head with a canoe paddle, and I'm bleeding
all over thinking "What pattern within me has attracted this event, what do
I need to clear from myself so it will stop?" Oblivious to the obvious
option, of telling them "Stop hitting me with that damn canoe paddle, I did
not ask for it, and it really hurts!" LOL!!
As soon as I started respecting and defending my own boundaries, "Your
behavior is disrespectful and abusive and I will not put up with it"... all
the abusive people went away... Went off in search of a new toy... and in
some cases, woke up and changed!
>like I asked a simple enough question once (that had apparently already been
>discussed and dismissed way back in the past) and a few people barked at me
>in some e-mails (well, it seemed that way, e-mail is such a limited form of
>communication) about it and how I ought to be grateful I didn't get raking
>over the coals from you for such a silly question (but I never got any
>message in response anyways....)
I looked for it in my archives and I don't know what question you mean.
I get more email than I can really handle, these past two days I have
been playing catchup, but I still have about 20 more posts to write... and
even then, I have probably missed some.
(which reminds me... the sunset picture was taken off the coast of BC,
near Hardy Island.)
In years past, there were some things... I was managing the list
single handed, and it was more than a full time job, with so many seekers
asking for help. I fell into bad burnout, and did not suffer fools gladly!
I was really overwhelmed, and my patience wore thin. Silly things, like
people asking to be unsubscribed by me instead of doing so themselves as
the guidelines request, got flamed. Straw requests to break the back of an
overloaded camel Mystress. Something like "Whattsa matter, your fingers
broken? I'm not your slave, do it yourself ya lazy cow!" Heh.
Finally, I thought to ask for help, and these days all the basic list
management stuff is handled smoothy by our wonderful team of co-moderators:
Hillary, Jason, Stephen, Susan... and members are encouraged to remind each
other of the guidelines.
I have recovered from burnout, I have patience again, but I still leave
most of it to them. I only responded to Morgan's complaint because she sent
it to me directly, rather than to the moderators address, and Hillary had
already addressed the issue on the list... apparently, not to
Morgan's satisfaction... but the post was really neutral. I thought of
forwarding it here, as she had said she wanted to, but it is a dead issue.
>but they were going to do it for you apparently
Well... I have mixed feelings about that. The Witness is unconditional,
feels nothing, appears bulletproof... but the human woman is empathically
sensitive to an extreme of vulnerability.
The gift is a double edged sword. Feeling other people's pain, getting
their karma stuck in me, sometimes moved me to knock the issues out of
them any way I could, so we could both feel better. Sometimes the
reflection was pretty harsh, but I was thanked for it afterwards, more
often than not... and some folks who did not thank me, were motivated to
create alternative Kundalini forums, and I am grateful for that. I'm on
good terms with most of the other listowners, nowadays.
It is only 2 years ago, that I got a handle on it so the empathy became
optional instead of automatic... what a relief!! I mostly put away my Zen
cane.
I think, as Laura said, most folks know I don't need protecting, but I
think it is sweet that they care enough to want to. If they are using
"Protecting my vulnerability" as an excuse to whack people... Well, I
don't like that idea.
I think more likely it is that they are doing as I asked... I requested
for members to remind each other of the guidelines, and possibly they have
more confidence doing so in my name... but as I don't know what your
question was, I'm guessing.
>ok, whatever...
Hey, thanks for responding. If you want to resend the question, go
ahead... and if anyone else asked me Kundalini-related question on the list
that I missed responding to... the help desk is open for the next two
days... then I'll have to shift my focus back to my other work. ADD brain,
limited multitasking.
Questions about the list management itself, are best sent to the
moderators address. moderatorsATkundalini-gateway.org
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