To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/02/15 23:26
Subject: [K-list] Control dramas
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2004/02/15 23:26, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
On the old Celestine Prophecy list, we used to have an ongoing game we
played... to support each other! :)
It was called "name that control drama."
I was really good at it... I had lots of practice, growing up in a
manipulative family, but much of the experience came of playing control
dramas for fun, consensually... As a game, without personal emotional
investment... as a Domina and as an improv comedienne. Improv games are
often based on status and control archetypes.
TCP is a pretty basic, almost newbie level novel of spiritual allegory,
but their explanation of control dramas, why conflict exists, where it
comes from, how to deal with it and what types appear, is one of the best,
anywhere.
Control dramas are types of conflict. They live entirely in the power
chakra, and they are motivated by vampirism, part of an ongoing struggle
for life energy,. People who are not adequately fed by source, from within
use control dramas to feed on the life energy of others. This can be seen
energetically, as a tug of war between power chakras.
The basic 4 control drama roles are:
* Interrogator: Asking provocative questions and then distorting the
answers given, twisting them to make the other person wrong. Accusing the
other of lying. Insisting the answers are not good enough. Asking
questions that have no "right" answer. There can never be a right answer
for the interrogator, except "yes, Sir!"
* Aloof: a pedestal of superiority, also withholding information. Never
answering questions directly, fearful of revealing oneself. Emotions are
hdden, others observations of emotions are denied. Making others work to
get to know you. Often, the superiority grows into a heroic pose of
isolation, "the Lone Ranger." Masked, misunderstood hero on his high horse.
Often accompanied by a superficial, artificial pose of humility... because
humility encourages worship.
It is also the classic "take my ball and go home" strategem often
played out on email lists, with people upset threatening or promising to
unsubscribe. Interestingly, those who play it do not leave, they wait
around to get the reward, which is the expected response of others saying
"please don't go..." Aloof types like to make people chase after them, in
one way or another.
* Intimidator: Being big tough and scary, making threats. Verbal,
emotional and physical abuse. A powderkeg that others must tiptoe around,
for fear the intimidator will detonate.... but the detonation is
inevitable, and will always be blamed on someone else. Classic: the
abusive husband who blames the violence on the victim."Look what you made
me do."
No-one can "make" anyone do anything, Free Will is Goddess law. The
choice of response belongs to the individual, to the Divine, and nowhere
else. Blaming others for your emotional reactions, is making them be God
for you, bombing them with your karma. Feels empowering in the short term,
but in the long term it is devastatingly disempowering. Giving power away
through blame means having less. This is also a strategy used by the
"professional victim type we call the :
* Poor me: always looking for sympathy, trying to feed on energy of pity.
A choice of victimhood, for the power of righteousness that makes an excuse
for aggression and revenge in the name of "justice". Passive aggression..
the appearance of compliance, with secret sabotage. Refusing to take
personal responsibility. Gets into competitions about who is suffering the
most. Classic: a scene from the Monty Python film "Life of Brian". A beggar
gets one leg cut off by a Roman guard, and his begging donations increase,
so he cuts off his other leg too.
They control dramas work in pairs. Aloof is a defense against
interrogator, poor me is a defense against intimidator. When any response
to an interrogator is bound to be wrong, the Aloof answer is to say
nothing, and inwardly stroke the ego with the comforting thought of
personal superiority.
Intimidators create "poor me" reactions, like the submissive wolf who
rolls on his back and presents the vulnerable belly.... and vice-versa. Any
of the four roles can lead the dance. A devoted "poor me" could provoke
even Gandhi into smacking them, thus validating their role as victim. A
sincere aloof can turn anyone into an interrogator, out of frustration
because trying to communicate with them is like pulling hen's teeth.
Our personal control dramas are usually a reaction to our parents, and
control dramas can be combined... usually an individual uses some
combination of two or more. An interrogator can also intimidate, a poor me
can be an aloof, etc.. like the classic hero role of the poor holy prophet,
never accepted in their own land... yet bravely and humble striving on with
love and humility for all... a power game, of the ego.
The classic Domina role is an aloof intimidator, while the slave does
the "poor me" thing, begging for mercy lala.. and afterwards we hug and
giggle and drink tea... it is a game, played consensually. The rules are
laid out in advance, including limits, boundaries.
Curiously, most SM people become so sensitized to consensuality and
boundaries, that they are the least likely people to be abusive in any
situation... and along with that, comes a greater awareness of the non
consensual dramas that play out in society.
Besides which, we get our needs met... consensually, in acts of love
and pleasure.
It was also on the TCP list, that I first wrote out the grounding
meditation, in response to someone asking. Grounding is being fed from
source, and when you are grounded there are not control dramas, because
groundedness is a state that is free from fear. One cannot be grounded,
*and* angry or irritable.
Being grounded feeds the energy levels sufficiently that there is no
need to engage in them. No need to feed on others. Being able to step
outside of the game also means the control dramas of others are easier to
identify, and there is a space to choose how to respond, instead of
reacting like a button pushed.
*** The usefulness of naming the control dramas is that it usually
diffuses them, so that they can be gotten out of the way and people can
move on to more useful communication. ***
However, angry accusations are not the way. :)
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