To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/02/10 23:51
Subject: [K-list] maintaining energy
From: Deepak Srinivasan
On 2004/02/10 23:51, Deepak Srinivasan posted thus to the K-list:
I have been very active in my solar plexus after the
awakening....I work thru the rational/reasoning level.
I think my awakening occurs thru this level as it
speaks to my entire fear bodies at other levels
assuring them of the light.
Yet, there is a huge barrier...I have always felt that
I have lived "outside' my body....by living ahead or
behind....never here and now...
its becoming more and more easy with practice as i try
to bring myself here and into my physical body...
for the first time i feel escstacy living in the
physical universe although its been 24 years that i
have been here this lifetime now...lol
but....it wont go beyond...there's a big fear thats
blocked my progress...a huge release maybe or the fear
my individual self has of being obliterated....
i guess practicing the here and now gently is the
answer...but its been incrasingly dufficult...my solar
plexus level is over active at night and keeps
bussing...i cant go to sleep...im physically
exausted...
my ego self takes great pride at night sitting at this
level analysing ly life and feeling good about it...
i get restless...
i feel that my heart chakra has a huge hole...it
quivers when i confront unhealthy old relationships
and try to maintain my stance and energy....
and then there are physical reactions like weird
shivers going up my entire body....cant stop...like an
emotional release...
but its stressing me ....
how to soften the resistance? I understand that i cant
have enlightenment overnight and hence try to let go
and relax but then fear that my ego will take
charge...and function from a comtrolling position...
i guess my problem is intellectually knowing the
oneness but not being able to feel it...
the orgasm through K rise....i dont allow it...
then sexually it builds up and i need to release it...
i guess when im ready, the lessons will come in...
lol
after going thru my entire life wanting an awakening
and thinking im ready for it, I finally am at a point
where i know it'll all happen in good time...
thanks one and all...
Just sharing since its hard to do it all within my
head....
Deepak
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