To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/10/18 09:33
Subject: [K-list] Autumn
From: Lavina Leone
On 2003/10/18 09:33, Lavina Leone posted thus to the K-list:
Hi All,
The autumn has always been difficult for me. I have been trying to remember
if I ever had an autumn that wasn't an emotional roller coaster. Spiritually
speaking. I can't think of one. This autumn has already begun to taint me.
An uneasiness in my stomach. Apprehension. Halloween-ish all day for weeks.
I like to pass it off as halloween-in-the-air, you know, make light of it.
And that used to work. But not this year. I can't get past a feeling that
there is something more personal some bigger something that permeates the
soul with this season.
I feel challenged in ways that tear at my beliefs and wring me of the will
to struggle.
It makes sense to name it the Fall.
yeah, I know - Resistance is futile.
I moved away from the city a year ago and being out in the woods I couldn't
help but notice things about how in tune to seasons I am. I was all along
but never noticed it before. Calendars and merchandise and appointments
dictated everything from what I wore to what I talked about. I didn't have
to give it much thought. When it rained I just pulled out the umbrella and
cranked up the heat : )
It is a little more involved when you have to chop the wood. It was still 80
degrees and I was chopping the wood I can smell the rain before it comes. I
appreciate the wind and the rain and the sun more. I think I was only really
aware of it in its extremes before.
I feel more in tune with how I fit now. And this makes me a bit nervous.
Will being more aware make it easier. Will there be even more accountabilty,
being more aware?
I came out to the woods and my dog died and my DB showed up to keep me
company. I was thinking about that meeting today while I raked pinecones off
the path. And felt abandoned. That was when I remembered that autumn is
always hard.
It was hard last year too. Even a new romance with my DB did not prevent the
spiritual upheaval that always comes with the wind and rain and darkness of
autumn.
I think I would like to pass on autumns inevitable antics this year. Maybe
hang a note on the door
" Hibernating, Wake me for Yule "
Peace
{ and Wind and Rain }
Lavina
_
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