To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/10/01 22:37
Subject: Re: [K-list] Fear is fear. Part two. :)
From: Xerxenca
On 2003/10/01 22:37, Xerxenca posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 10/1/2003 4:55:14 PM Eastern Daylight Time, elargonauto AT_NOSPAM ya.com writes:
> *For example, I have found sometimes when I have to talk in front of an
> *audience and my energy is depleted and maybe I have many things on my mind
> *then my body shakes and trembles. I want to run away and not exist. This is
> *my body reacting. Even when I acknowledge it and breath deeply from navel
> *and empty my thoughts, it still doesn't go away.
>
> *Strangely, sometimes once I get started with any kind of speech or
> *discussion often my fear vanishes and it's not unusual for me to fully
> enjoy
> *the experience.
>
>
> Speaking to a lot of people produce insecurity, no? You have to
> face a lot of people etc .. Your body tells you to be cautious, to don´t do
> it until you have a good reason to ... later on you enjoy the experience,
> but there are certain risks in speaking in public.
>
> Anyway there are certain things you don´t want to do and you have
> to do them. You do them. The problem is when you are no boligated to do them
> and you do it the same ... masochism? or conquering your
> fears? I think it
> is masoquism.
>
> As Chuang Tze said "easy is right".
I was really struck with this as well. While it's often beneficial to have goals to "improve our performance" our bells that say "danger, caution" aren't therefore wrong to go off. It's an opportunity for expanded awareness and consciousness. Often when speaking with or to large groups all sort of power and negative power dynamics are unconsciously at play (both in the "audience" and with oneself) - and a part of one that does not feel sufficiently recognized or "protected" gets triggered.
On a good day, when I find myself in that sort of situation I scan to see if there's an imbalance in the group or me or a negative rotation at play. Then with awareness of my own grounded state, knowledge of my own spin and what's spinning around me, I know what I'm walking into. Or I could choose not to participate. I do believe it's always a valid option if done firmly, but if the reason one is withdrawing is because one senses aggression, just be aware that aggression almost always pursues a passive withdrawal.
I find there are so many things I don't really "want" to do, but I ask Spirit "do I have to?" and if I get a yes I keep going (I'll sometimes ask the question every couple of minutes.) On the other hand sometimes I get all enthused and rush into things that I don't have "permission" to do - which is where we get back to the earlier discussions of working from a surrendered or free state. Usually when there's a lot of urgency one way or the other (yes or no) there are ego fragments and not flow at play.
She said, wondering why she suddenly came out of hibernation?
LOL
AM
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