To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/09/24 15:49
Subject: RE: [K-list] Re: One cannot think around the whole body until
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2003/09/24 15:49, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 09:54 AM 19/09/03, Rich wrote:
>Yeah! I'm all for listening to body, but not sure about listening to my
>fears.... Sounds too scary!
>
>My heart once told me to stop being afraid of being afraid...
I think, what Elargonauto is saying, is to allow the fearful thoughts
to rise, acknowledge them instead of trying to deny or repress them. Real
courage is not fearlessness, it is being afraid and acting anyway.
I have a fear of heights, and I like to challenge it, for the rush.
Gradually, it is fading. It is quite specific, I'm OK with heights as long
as I can see solid ground under my feet. Fire escapes, with the metal web
risers I can see through, spook me. Totally illogical.
Near Hells Gate, where the mighty Fraser river rushes through a
narrow, deep gorge, there is an old, high bridge left over from pioneer
days. The bridge is intact, except the decking surface has been removed,
leaving only a sturdy, rusted honeycomb steel grill like a fire escape.
I first tried to cross this bridge in 1989. I was on the road selling
encyclopaedias, and limited night vision on narrow twisting mountain roads
with logging trucks going by persuaded me to pull into a gas station to nap
till daybreak. Listening to that fear was wise. The road was dangerous, I
was too tired to drive well, especially with oncoming trucks blinding me in
the dark.
Come morning I was on the road again. A sign promising fresh baked
cinnamon buns at an antique resort where Errol Flynn once stayed on a
hunting trip made a pleasant delay, and the owner told me of the Alexander
Bridge in the park nearby.
http://www.bcadventure.com/adventure/explore/high_country/canyon/attract.htm#alexa
http://www.alanmacek.com/trains/alexandra.jpg
That visit, the bridge defeated me. I was able to inch out a short
distance by clinging white knuckled to the railing and keeping my feet on
the narrow plank at the side, below the railing.
The second visit was a few years later, vacationing with my druid. This
time I did better, I was able to slowly walk right down the center of the
bridge to the middle, by a sheer act of will. druid was amazed,
empathically he could feel how severely my body was freaking out from the
phobia and the concentration it took for me to get my body to move forward,
anyway.
Fear: sometimes useful, sometimes illogical. Resting till daybreak to
avoid a serious car accident was wise. Being tired and stressed made me too
fearful to cross the bridge, the body responds with fear more readily when
it is tired, hungry, dehydrated. Walking the bridge successfully was not an
act of fearlessness, it was an act of will. The second visit I was well
rested and could handle it. Brain knew there was nothing to fear... but
still the body reacted.
As a teenager, my family visited the Sundance canyon in Yoho national
park, to picnic and see the waterfall. My younger brother and I decided to
climb the cliff. I was following a goat trail, a narrow path winding up the
cliff, with the rocky water fall below me. At one place, two feet of the
trail was washed out, and there were no handholds to anchor to. I stopped
for several minutes, contemplating how to safely make it across, looking at
the rocks and water far below... and when I decided to move again, I found
I could not. While I had been thinking of how to do it, my body had become
paralysed with fear. Took me a few minutes, to relax my body one muscle at
a time so I could retrace my steps and find another path up.
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