To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/09/23 18:01
Subject: Re: [K-list] Good fear/bad fear -- the understanding.
From: Rita Metermaid
On 2003/09/23 18:01, Rita Metermaid posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Elargonauto, Hi Rich, Everybody -
I've really appreciated this thread, and all the
thought that's gone into it... Helpful for some of my
own thinking on fear...
As usual, i seem to have more questions than answers.
Rich's example of being caught in the riptide with 6
foot swells elicited a sense of fear in me, too... And
when i thought of that *fear* with his next example -
the fear of heights and falling - i reacted strongly
too (being really afraid of heights since falling
while tree climbing)... But what i noticed is a
difference in the two fears, and i wonder if anyone
else would see it to... The feeling of being caught in
the riptide felt like ok, you're in the middle of this
terrifying wild ride and there is fear to the center
of your being. It is real time and immediate.
What i sensed when reading about the heights fear
though felt more like anxiety or worry... Worried
about falling... For me, if i were in the middle of a
fall, i think it would then be a real fear - terror
that i'm falling...
Maybe i'm splitting hairs here, but the fear of
falling seems anticipatory - tied to something that
might happen in the future - and therefore could it be
more a state of anxiety, of worry?
If that's the case, would it be helpful to get
grounded back in the now and remember that one's feet
are still on the ground? Like maybe some self-talk and
a visualization to remind oneself that the imagined
future is an illusion and i am here, now, and whole
(more or less)?
But the skills needed to cope with the realtime fear -
in the whirling waters would be different?
Just a question, but i think there are two different
approaches to dealing with them...
Someone asked about whether the person in cardiac
arrest, no pulse, with a minute left to live felt
fear? People who have reported near-death-experiences
don't seem to report fear, but calm. Me, i'm not
afraid of death, but i am afraid of being horribly
hurt and left in agony alive.
My neighor and his wife ar family therapists, who work
with children and teens who have been seriously
abused. One thing he has used is a "Monster Box" - a
foil-wrapped shoebox decorated appropriate for the
child's age. When the kids are not able to talk
through the trauma, whether recurring nightmares or
real day-to-day horror, he has them draw pictures of
it - of whatever the monster or situation is - and
then they have a little ritual and the child puts the
monster in the Monster Box... Gives the child
permission to put the bad parts of life away...
I've had some pretty rough trauma of my own, things
that no amount of logic seems to get beyond
sometimes...occasional flashbacks - not often but
enough... I adapted their monster box ritual in a
way... i light a candle, some incense, and write about
whatever... i use a favorite green pen and just write
and write and write... and then i burn the paper in a
special bowl (my own monster box of sorts)... and
whatever it was becomes literally ashes... and i think
of it as ashes... and somehow it helps at times to
think of the bad stuff as just a pile of ashes, dust
in the wind... I was never able to confront the abuser
within my own family, for a number of reasons, and so
i did this with a series of letters to him over time
that i burned... and each time it seemed to lessen the
pain.... I don't keep the special bowl or candle in
plain sight - who wants to be reminded by visual
cues...
Anyway, i am sorry this was so long. But i really do
appreciate what you have all been sharing. For me, it
seems like sometime there is no way to logic my way
through old trauma, but a silly little ritual seems to
help.
love and light,
rita
<snip>
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