To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/09/20 21:28
Subject: Re: [K-list] Paranoia and self consciousness
From: Charles
On 2003/09/20 21:28, Charles posted thus to the K-list:
> Hi Charles,
>
> Hope you are doing well. It sounds like you are having some adventure and I
> admire you for how you keep 'level-headed' or that's how it seems when I
> read your posts.
Its always interesting to hear other peoples feedback on how they receive you
as it is more often not how you feel. One tends to gloss over their assets
and focus on what they perceive to be their weaknesess! (Well this 'One'
does).
> May I ask you was following goddess / inner-guidance enough to bring these
> experiences or is there something more?
I try to go with the flow and stay open. I certainly follow my inner guidance
more and more and logic rarely plays a part. Last week my friend wanted me to
go with him to see David Blaine hanging above the Thames in a perspex box
doing his latest stunt and I really got a gut feeling not to go down there
but I let Justin persuade me. But there a lot of subtle obstacles got in our
way as we made our way down to see him... missed trains, blocked roads, etc.
I said to Justin that we should turn back as I my inner guidance was warning
me. To cut a long story short, what was supposed to be a half an hour visit
ended up being 5 hours. I was assaulted by one of the security guards there
for no reason at all and then a tramp pulled a gun out on us as we were
leaving and the armed police response unit had to come down and swarm the
place ending with us in a police van giving statements for ages. I am
learning more and more to trust the quiet inner voice. This TV programme came
up as a possibility and something inside told me to do it even though all my
logical thinking told me not to bother. I still dont know what will come from
it except from some learning but it just feels very right.
> > I have recently acknowledged how 'self conscious' I am.
> I relate to you so well in what you say here. This has always been a thing
> for me. I would be very interested to hear how you manage this and if you
> can resolve it to be at ease or in peace when in the spotlight.
I feel like next week I will show less nerves even though I might feel them.
The more I push through my comfort zone and do the things that feel
uncomfortable, the larger my comfort zone becomes. My fear boundaries get
extended and this is one of the main reasons I think I have taken this
opportunity. It helps me to grow instead of shrink.
> I can share some of my own learning if it is of interest. Deep breathing in
> navel helps to center self and stay out of the 'fear' area. It seems like
> the more fear is focussed on the bigger it gets. Meditation in the morning
> helps to settle my fears too.
Energy flows where attention goes and what you focus on expands. Its so true
and I found that the more I focus on the things I fear, even if I was
employing methods to alleviate the fear, the fear would grow. Best to just
think about something else. I'll try that this week!
> There is one thing that I have learnt and that is if I only say what is in
> my heart then I have nothing to fear. It just works out right. Trusting
> Goddess and making prayer before for success helped me too.
I think that on some level I know that I cant get it wrong. Whats the worst
thing that can happen? So I might look vulnerable or stupid but so what. I
Have everything to gain and nothing to loose.
> > Ive found myself on a national day
> > time TV programme once a week for the next couple of months!!!
> Wow... Is it a secret program? I'm actually over in England for another
> week. It would be cool to see you on the telly. ;)
Its "This Morning" on ITV from 10.30am - 12.30. The feature on dating!!!
Thanks for your support Rich.
Love, Charles
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