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To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/09/19 19:24
Subject: Re: [K-list] Paranoia and self consciousness
From: LK

On 2003/09/19 19:24, LK posted thus to the K-list:




>I have recently acknowledged how 'self conscious' I am. Is this also a
>manifestation of K? I hadnt thought about that as a possibility but
>suspected
>it was more to do with a fear of rejection or fear of not being accepted
>into
>the group.

Hi Charles, really appreciating what you wrote.

I was the Queen of Self-Consciousness and Performance Anxiety, the card left
out of the tarot deck cause it just had my picture on it, ok I admit it, I
am still the Queen, but anyways, it was kind of like I was turned inside out
susceptible to all judgments or possible ones as well as the karmas of other
people as they variously received me good or bad (trying to manage their
boundaries for them, all food for my self-conscious fire, etc), trying to
protect them and myself at the same time, which is hard to do with your
organs hanging out...

I don't know exactly what happened, probably lots of work on myself combined
with some challenges that demanded I defend myself, but something happened
and I turned right side out again, wish I knew exactly how I got my power
back for story telling purposes, hmmmm

Despite that, I would still get paralyzed in front of a national TV camera
and start to babble ;)
That's pretty intense.

I don't really have any words of wisdom or anything, just empathy and my own
stories. But I think it is a good thing that you are noticing it! It seems
like with acknowledgment the magic starts to happen.

Kindly,
Laura


"The fish will be the last to discover water"
Albert Einstein

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