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To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/08/30 12:57
Subject: [K-list] trying to talk about awakening
From: Shellelr

On 2003/08/30 12:57, Shellelr posted thus to the K-list:


> >We want people to KNOW
> >about these amazing and sometimes awful events that are happening to us,
> >but even when we tell them, it is unsatisfying.

So true. It has simply never worked, for me. In the midst of a few days of
strong feelings of unity I made the ghastly mistake of trying to tell a
relative that something unusual had happened to me, and that I thought I understood
what Jesus felt like. She got this look of rejection I have never seen on her
face before, utter disdain. She angrily asked, what made me think she didn't
have that feeling, too? I fell into a terrible small psychosis for a few days
after that, sheerly terrified by the realization that I was truly alone in
this experience.

I've also tried connecting with people who are familiar with the idea of K,
or awakening. Not saying too much, really, just a bit of my experience.
Better, but still uncomfortable. They seem to accept or believe, but there is a
palpable discomfort there between us. I always feel that in trying to make a
connection with a likely person, I have overwhelmed them, or freaked them out.
I go away with a feeling sometimes like I've been showing off, and that has
not been my intention. I have been looking for someone who will say HEY, ME
TOO!

So I've pretty much decided to keep it to myself, which I'm sure is best.
The intensity of it has faded a lot, and I don't need to try to share it so much
anymore, thankfully.

love to all,
Shelle
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