To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/07/08 21:49
Subject: [K-list] And the next question ......
From: Linda Hankey
On 2003/07/08 21:49, Linda Hankey posted thus to the K-list:
Hi
It has been wonderful getting so many of my questions and problems sorted out, I really never believed it could have happened and am so grateful. Of course it's rather like peeling an onion though, there is always another layer underneath .....
Please could anyone advise me on this (it's a dreadfully long and involved story I'm afraid). I moved to a new job 6 years ago where I worked with a very difficult lady (who I will call H), she is a bully, is volatile in the extreme, is very bitter, and has such entrenched, negative and twisted beliefs that it is impossible to reason with her. I managed to cope with her until Feb 02 when because I was asked to help out in another department in the mornings, she really got her knives into me! This is because she cannot bear to see others move on or improve themselves, and also has to have control over others. By April 02 she had made my life at work so unbearable that I had to go to management for help, H denied everything saying that I was too sensitive. I gradually became very depressed and eventually was long term sick from work. My depression took the form of loosing all my spiritual beliefs, and thinking that a spiritual teacher that I and my sister are connected with was using brainwashing techniques and I was frightened for my sister's safety. After a very long haul, much soul searching and counselling I have gradually become well, regained my beliefs, and returned to work in April this year. My employer was very supportive and understanding and I no longer work with H but in another department which I enjoy very much. I have not told anyone at work that H contributed to making me ill, and have at all times been polite to her (I still have to see her sometimes) and just wish to put the matter behind me. However I have now heard that she is gossiping about me and saying that I went off sick from work in order to secure a move to another department. This has brought back all the old injury and injustice and I feel myself loosing my confidence etc again. H is nasty to everyone, even her family, and seems to have no friends, so I do not feel particularly singled out. However I have had a more severe reaction to her than others, I feel her remarks physically, like being stabbed all over, and go almost catatonic. I am totally unable to confront her, I feel such tremendous fear. Management at work are aware of all this and although supporting me, they do not confront her either as she really is so volatile and impossible. H creates these exaggerated reactions in me, but I also feel that other people are criticising me and that I can't get anything right. I think that I am unable to put the problems with H out of my mind because I feel that she has "got away with it" even though I know that she is going to have one heck of a lot of karma to deal with one day! To sum up, at last, my question is - am I experiencing some sort of super sensitivity connected to K? I have always felt that I know what H is thinking, and recently have seen, or rather sensed, a horrible busy looking darkness surrounding her. In fact I am unable to look at her now. Friends advise me to ignore her, but I feel that there is something to resolve here - spiritually as well as on a mundane level, however I do not know what it is I should do. I'm sorry for such a long story, and will really appreciate any help.
Love and best wishes
Carole
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