To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/07/04 09:08
Subject: Re: [K-list] an interesting interrupting email
From: Blue Pearl
On 2003/07/04 09:08, Blue Pearl posted thus to the K-list:
Dear List, A.,
it was very fascinating for me to read your story because there
seem to me quite a lot of similarities to mine! Here it is:
A. wrote:
> hey guys, im new here i just signed in yesterday
I've signed in just a week ago.
> actually about myself, im a 24 year old grad student in Engg at UF.
27, PhD Student in the Netherlands, born in Germany.
> i had some really weird experiences that got me all curious and led me
> to a long search.
I had such my experience in 1995, shortly before my final school exams.
And I am still searching for an answer... But things get better, believe
me!
> firstly i need to make it clear that, I have ' |abs| ' no
> experience in kundalini yoga or any yoga for that matter.
Neither had I. For me all this esoteric stuff was crap for bored persons
having nothing to do in life. I drank a lot, even took drugs and so on.
The usual life of a teenager these days... And I didn't believe in
anything. Now I believe in a lot, my god ;-)
But then this happenend.
I was studying together with a friend for a math exam. It was pretty the
same situation than yours. I was tired and sat on a swival chair. I
I twisted myself on it a couple of times. We continued studying but
suddenly everything changed, the world as it appeard to me was
somewhat different but I can't describe how/why. I just knew that
everything had changed and that the old natural feeling of being softly
embedded in the world had gone. My first idea was having a kind of
strange flashback from the XTC pills I took some days before. This
frightened me and I suddenly left for home. There I slowly calmed me
down and started to feel better.
Then I left one week for Prague and things were normal again but on the
way back I just "knew" that this strange thing will continue. I felt
full of fear of becoming mad and this fear didn't go. Months passed
like this and you can believe me, these was the hardest time of
my life up to now. Grof calls it "the long dark night of the soul".
But there was something which helped me when things became too
hard. An entity which took care of me. I just felt that.
With the time I realized in the middel of my forehead a kind of
pressure and heat. Additionally there was a blue/purple light
when I closed my eyes. Because I had already visited all kinds of
doctors which all told me that I am prefectly healthy I decided to have
a look at these strange esoteric books of my father. I choosed a book
called "Chakra-Handbook" and there I saw this forehead-chakra. I read
the complete book in that night. Everything made such a sense!
There was an easy meditation described. So I did my first meditation
ever. I was lying on my bed and imagined colours residing at some
chakras. When I came to imagine an orange light at my abdomen
my heartbeat was increasing a lot. And suddenly I felt that all
this pressure which was stuck behind my forehead was rushing down
into my body. This was amazing, I knew that I have finally found
something which might help. After that night everything got better,
the fear went away. But the blue light stayed and the pressure is
also sometimes still present.
But that night I had a terrifying dream which felt like being reality.
I was a wolf and hunting and killing humans. I really was this wolf,
I felt this instinct and I woke up just shouting "I don't want this!".
I've learned to activate these energy rushings by a simple breathing
technique which I still do everyday. I did a lot of spiritual courses
to find an answer to what has happened. I met Master Choa Kok Sui (he
teaches a healing techniquies called Pranic Healing). He tought me a lot
about energy and chakras and I am so happy to have met him several
times. But he never answered me my question what has happened, what
this pressure is and where it will lead me. But he tought me a
"meditation on the soul" which is connected with the blue light,
often referred to as the blue pearl. I read a book by
Stanislav Grof and there I found descriptions of states
fitting quite well to my story. And he pointed to Kundalini. That's
why I am here ;-) He has developed a breathing technique called
holotropic breathwork. Maybe that is similar to the breathing you
use. Take a look: http://www.holotropic.com/
This was just a very short part of my story but I don't want to make it
too long. We all could talk for hours and hours I guess ;-)
You talk about screwing up your academics. Don't do that. I was
thinking about the same. But even if this process is so new and
strange, it has intelligence. It has reason why it happened now.
It is part of your life and you should continue with it, even
when it's hard to embed. Especially when you are 24. I know what I am
talking about. But as you can see you are not alone. And there will
always be help when needed. This one of the very beautiful things
I've experienced. There is a lof of other interesting stuff you
may come across like the coincidences you have mentioned. But
don't be afraid, somtimes it's even amusing :)
Let's stay in contact, it was good to read a somewhat similar story
than mine!
Lars
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