To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/07/04 04:47
Subject: [K-list] an interesting interrupting email
From: jesuz christ
On 2003/07/04 04:47, jesuz christ posted thus to the K-list:
hey guys, im new here i just signed in yesterday. so forgive me if i ask the questions u are bored answering several times. and narrate incidents u r bored listening to.
actually about myself, im a 24 year old grad student in Engg at UF. i had some really weird experiences that got me all curious and led me to a long search. i hope one of you at least might be of help to me.
firstly i need to make it clear that, I have ' |abs| ' no experience in kundalini yoga or any yoga for that matter. i was a fashion model in my country, debauchered for 2 years. definitely not sexually inhibitted( in the least). so i might not be an acceptable character if some of you ppl go by conventional philosophy of life. i dont i it doesnt bother me that u do ( if at all). and i define my morals myself and stick to them like rock solid.
sorry for that blunt and blatant introduction
let me put things to you chronologically:
some time back in my undergrad, i suddenly realized that i could make a weird kind of vibratory feeling which started from the base of my spine. i learnt that i could concentrate propagate that feeling to any part of my body i wanted ( except my hands). i cant explain the feeling ... it was very different . and thats y i took notice. very curious i needed to find out what it was, and asked a doctor friend to check me up when i was doing that. all he did was checked my pulse and said it was slightly higher. usually when i did that it was sort of pleasant, but when he was around i wanted to extend it as long as possible which became extremely tiring. and he asked me not to do it again.
then i had to leave my country and come to the US for my masters degree.and the curiosity still held on to me and i tried it again.. to do it as long as i could. again it seemed very exhausting at the moment. but in the night just bfore i fell asleep, i realised that i had lost control of my hands legs and had voice paralysis. and it was temporary.i did not relate the two as cause and effect.i tried it the second time ( actually between us... i felt i had some thing miraculous going , i thought doing this would fetch me some magical prowess,hehehe,,,,, but i dont know y such stupid thoughts occured to me). this time at night as i was asleep i remember having touched the wooden wall adjacent to the bed with my left hand and immediately felt an electric current sort of thing go into me from the wall through my fingers. it sort of travelled very quickly through my arm, and seemed to go into the left part of my head. i was lying down with my left arm supporting my head. and this seemed to leave me completely paralysed again the voice paralysis thing. i tried to shout out my to my housemate but my voice didnt seem to listen to me.. i was feeling horrified. and this didnt not seem to help me at all. then i just controled myself for a moment , inhibitted the fear and terror , and then every thing came back as if in a flowing rush... man.. that felt relieving. and since then i havent had the balls to try it again. i had put two and two together...to hell with it..maybe im just a weirdo.freak.
some time later , one day bfore a test when i had to study all day and all night without a wink of sleep, with a friend, i felt extremely fatigued and closed my eyes, lied on the couch and took some breath hoping i could feel realxed so i could catch up with huge syllabus ahead of me. and i felt something amazing.. just between my eyes and above my forehead. it was again as i said something i had never felt before, it relaxed the hell out of me. i postponed experimenting with this untill after my test . then i started doing this everytime i felt fatigued or sleepy unnecessarily. this feeling started in a region on my forehead above where the eyes and the nose meet. and it extended to the top of my head. the feeling started when i breathed in a particular way, and it slightly amplifying with inhalation and exhalation. it is a weird feeling and feels grt.
all this is a backgound to the incident that really woke me up! one morning, i was in the library, distracted by the fact that i broke up with a girl, and i wasnt able to concentrate. i got frustrated, and i thought i will regain the concentration come what may. i closed my eyes, with the feeling that all the unpleasant distracting thoughts leave me unaffected and absolutely emotionless, in the begining i saw nothing and i just felt nothing different. but then i started noticing certain beautiful formations which were random . they appeared like when u play windows media player, only audio. but more colour and less bright, and fainter. this was making me feel grt, so i continued this. the whole thing was so graphic that i could not convince myself that my eyes were shut, i had this urge to blink, which sort of disturbed the view. i controlled this instinct, and continued.then i got to see an orange spot. i could hold my focus on it for so long surprised me. then inside this orange spot, i saw a purple spot/hole. and this stayed in front of my eyes for a while. then the purple sopt grew and and expanded a little.i felt like my nose was being pulled slightly all along and my heart started beating very fast. the orange spot had become just a ring around the purple spot. and it was really really bright ( the orange ring) sort of like a fire pearls around the purple circle. and then the ring detached itself from the disc and rotated and expanded( simultaneously). and it seemed to come closer to me from the purple disc. and in just one rotation seemed to cross through me. and each time the /a ring crossed me i got an orgasmic feeling in my head.this continued & after a while i opened my eyes,,, oh goodness the feeling is undescribable...it is the best state i have been. i felt like i was flying, my eyes were so light and smooth, and my head felt like there was some divine oil inside. (i have never smoked or doped , and the times when i boozed the feeling was just plain giddy and lack of balance, so i dont know how that feels, this was i think far far superior )this lasted me for like 20 min or more, it was bliss. and it was heavenly.
i was completely shocked and in awe with this thng. itred again to get it but to no avail. all i could see is a purple () between my eyes.but of course now i feel like a fluid flowing down from my scalp which relaxes me but nothing like what i felt that day. and i m in search of an explanation as to what evr te hell that was and how i could get it back.
surprisingly the night i had a starnge dream about back in my home country happening in my house and it was unpleasant and dramatic. unlike myslef i called back ( can u believe that i made a call back )saying this and this and horrifyingly it was true. exactly and wholly. im nurtured with reason and i worship logic. these things i believed were only for the superstetious and the gullible, and it happened to me , its hard to convince myself that this was a coincident)
In order to find out wot all this was i visited swami jyotirmayananda in miami who was very hospitable let me stay for a night and gifted me a lot of books to read. which i read. but i havent yet got a complete explanation to wot this was. the old spiritual stuff that i read seemed to make a whole lot of sense to me.. surprisingly when i had read it bfore it all seemed like mythological popycock. but anyways i am still unaware as to wot this experience was. swamiji probably did not tell me clearly wot it was for reasons best known to him,. he just told me to continue doingthis and not to stop, bcos other wise i would consider this itself was all.( so i realised there is something much much better than this????)
but i am desperate to get an explanation as to wot this is and to feel it again. in the process i seem to be turning the whole world upside down and screwing up my academics.
i just hope some body has had the patience to read through the whole long story . i hope they understand that this is not bullshit. and i hope they have an explanation. i would be really grateful to that person.
hoping against hope,
untill soon.
A.
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