To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/06/17 20:11
Subject: [K-list] Darkest night
From: Rick Mayweather
On 2003/06/17 20:11, Rick Mayweather posted thus to the K-list:
I've been going through an interesting, extremely frustrating, very annoying
and saddening experience whereby the world has stopped, it's hard to
describe other than that for a long time.
Nothing happens, everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong many times
over, nothing no more goes my way, it all goes other ways. The zero
experience. I'm at ground zero waiting for the implosion.
What do you do when you don't know in what direction to turn, as you've
turned already in so many directions that nothing seems to work.
Is this the climax for the dark night, the darkest night, the blackest of
the black, pure emptiness realised, to become hollow.
To get annoyed at nothing (speaking relatively) sounds bizarre, but it's the
worst kind, because you can't objectify it, simply nothing seems to work or
happen, nothing quite makes sense, nothing clicks, there is no synchronicity
that people seem to find routine in their daily life and no fulfilment.
It's got to to the point where I am completely lost. What I knew seems no
longer relevant, what I know is nothing, and where I am is not quite being,
which is Self.
To go back would be difficult if not impossible, and to go forward does'nt
make sense.
It's difficult to concentrate, focus, think, zoom in on tasks and when you
do, it's tiring, tedious, boring.
Desire fades like a strung out cloud silhouetted in the sky. The desire to
do anything has completely vanished. You wonder how it ever existed in the
first place and how flippantly you spent your time.
You read of the sun coming out, you stand your ground, walk the line, go the
distance, to experience your true nature and yet still nothing happens. You
see others fitting into society, as easily as putting on a pair of shoes and
yet your shoes don't fit. You give up wearing the shoes, it's better to
walk barefoot, but something is not right.
Everything that can be done has been done. There is nothing left, in fact
it is said that nothing exists other than Self, so perhaps this is actually
a good thing.
That's me, wanted to share how it feels. I've not read what others really
went through, always curious to share, learn and grow together.
_
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