To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/05/13 23:10
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Cycling of the Kundalini - Charles
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2003/05/13 23:10, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
Wrote this last week, set it aside for editing. Then my monitor went
snap-crackle-pop and that was all she wrote, as the expression goes...
At 05:23 AM 06/05/03, Charles wrote:
>**please remember to delete most of email you are responding to, before
>posting your comments to the list.**
>
>Thanks for your guidance Mystress. Beautiful and resonant as always.
You are very welcome! :)
> I actually found much of what I needed to hear whilst looking at your
> web site
>and reading your posts to other people, as well sas reading over some emails
>you wrote to me some months ago (its funny how they seem so much more
>meaningful to me now, as if they were written then... for now!)
:)
> > I am interested in how people see me. I cannot see myself,
>
>You are extremely compassionate, wise, sensitive, interesting and supportive,
>with a magnetic quality that is hard to resist.
Magnetic! That is the word... that has been coming up these past few
days. Magnetic... yum!
I'll tell ya a story...
After 9/11 I took on too much and got pretty messed up. A few months
later I got fed up with the drama of the work I had been doing, and
attached to peace, above all else. Yule came and a ritual of manifesting
our desires. I thought of my desires, and surrendered them all instead of
seeking to have them manifest. "Thy will be done."
Early that January, I was working at my computer, and I observed a
woman sitting beside myself, who looked like me. She was dressed in classic
Dom gear, thigh high stiletto boots, corset, and looking really miserable.
I took this in, emotionless... and decided I was not interested in her
drama, either, and went back to work! (Light dimmed for a second as I wrote
that, a passing jet plane's shadow.)
A few days later, it occurred to me that if some aspect of myself was
so very unhappy, perhaps it would be a good idea to investigate why. She
would not talk to me, but she was happy to appear for some intuitive
friends. I won't go into all that, except the result was my realizing that
for the past many years I had been possessed by an Archetype, and thought
it was me! She went her own way, because she was bored by my attachment to
peace... and I was left with an inheritance... a life and work that I had
little attachment to, that did not seem to fit very well, like an inherited
overcoat three sizes too big.
I was in a very vulnerable state, without her... and a very difficult
student chose that moment to satisfy her jealousy of my gifts by dumping
all her karma onto me. It was pretty devastating, and the end result was my
wanting to chuck my course, lists and all my work into the sewer and not
look back. A good state to surrender it fully! Goddess take it all. I knew
that "this too will pass", so I did not make any permanent decisions... :
) Simply surrendered and detached.
I had also been researching an aspect of my ADD that is oppositional
defiance disorder... the Berserker aspect of my Shadow who sometimes came
out as a ferocious Zen stick whacking people to give back their karma that
was stuck in me. I learned that ODD is caused by an incomplete sense of
self. No boundaries... too vulnerable, over reacting irresistibly to any
disrespect of boundaries... but also, becoming what people wanted me to be.
I wrote to a friend, "My slaves could teach me to be the Mistress they
wanted me to be, but they could not teach me to be the Mystress I wanted to
be. As a Pro-dom, I was successful because I was able to manifest the dream
Domina of my clients... just morph into that...
I was guided to turn inward and block all incoming energies, to have a
still, private place to grow a new sense of self without external
influences. I turned all my slaves loose except my husband druid, and
stopped all work for a few months, till things seemed to stabilize. Goddess
gave me back my work, but different. The ODD thing pretty much disappeared.
My interest in SM faded too. I mostly stopped being a karmic crap magnet,
and stopped poking people and snacking on their karma. My sex drive
disappeared to almost nothing, but my physical appetite increased and at
the moment my weight is at an all-time high of 160lb. (Most of the pix on
my website were taken when I was 120-130lbs. I'm still well proportioned,
but bigger! ) I was content to be boring and ordinary! The charisma that
used to be so attractive to people disappeared, and I was relieved to not
have people chasing after me for it. The everyday miracles that I loved so
much became less frequent, but I no longer needed the validation.
El Collie died that April, and the news was devastating... she was an
inspiration to me. It was not till April 30 that I calmed down enough to be
able to write a letter of condolence to her widower Charles.
Since I was initiated High Priestess, I have found that some growth
phases, ego band-aids last for a year and a day... then expire! That whole
thing went pop last week! I got some bad news, and I knew I was over
reacting but also that the news was a trigger for releasing some larger
stuff, so I went with it, spent the night crying in the bathtub. Come
morning, I had some new awareness... of a big empty, hungry space between
my power chakra and my pelvis. The space was wanting to be filled by
mischievous karma poking vampire fun and male sexual energy. My sense of
playfulness is back. My interest in being charismatic and provocative, and
feeding on the karma reactions I trigger is back. I feel like I have come
back to life, or awakened from a long sleep.
Talking and cuddling with a friend and occasional tantra partner on
Beltaine, he said he had noticed that my sexual magnetism had been mostly
absent for the past year... and he had missed it. He gave me some
interesting perceptions about my previous self, that surprised me. I can
understand what he was seeing, but I had not been really conscious of it.
I can only guess that in my desire to not be getting projections so as
to have a sacred space to grow a new self from within, I switched off the
inner electromagnet... it had become too much of a karmic crap magnet and
stopped being fun at all. I switched off the big K-fire charisma beacon,
and turned my attention wholly inward so my Shakti field would not be
poking people's stuff...
The Beltaine ritual included a reading, similar to the traditional runes
of Yule. I helped seal the little paper scrolls, each containing the
meaning of a single card from the major arcana of the Thoth Tarot deck.
Draw a scroll fron the pile randomly, while passing the south watchtower of
fire. The resonance nearly knocked me flat. It said "Give forth thy light
to all without doubt; the clouds and shadows are no matter for thee. Make
speech and silence, energy and stillness, twin forms of thy play."
Heh... projecting energy gives back karmic feedback, so I stopped...
but the feedback can be transmutes, yummy snacks for a karma vampire. Just
when I think it might be fun to start again, I get this wonderfully
validating reading. Cool!
I am still a little wary of getting back into the games... once
burnt... but it feels like my discernment has improved, and my stabilized
sense of self will anchor me, and keep me from getting trapped in other
people's stuff. Goddess gave it back, better... :) I am delighted, but
patient. Content to see how it will unfold.
> > Well, you have had quite an opening, since you wrote this... Goddess
> > provides!
>
>How do you know what happened?? Are you referring to other postings I made
>since then?
Yes.
>The following day (after my healing session) I treated the same lady who had
>worked on my chakras the previous day. During the session she sat up and
>asked me if I had a tattoo. I told her no but that I had been planning on
>getting one for the last 2 years but that the time had not felt right yet
>even though I already knew what it was going to be. She said she got a vision
>of two snakes wrapped around a pole.... I then told her that the tattoo I had
>planned on getting was a Caduceus at the base of my spine!
Cool! :)
>We went for a walk
>afterwards and she said that I had no idea how strong my sexual energy was
>and asked me if it is common place for women to be magnetically drawn to me.
>I told her that it was true, they are but that I saw it as a problem due to
>the obsessions that come with it.
Yeah, ditto... as I wrote, above. The Shakti feels sexual when it hits
the recipient's second chakra, and they assume it is your desire for
them... but it does not feel sexual to the vessel. It is just love, energy.
Then the recipient gets all bent out of shape, feeling rejected... ack!
> I never understood what they were so
>attracted to but now it is becoming clearer. As we talked I started to
>understand myself with more clarity as the pieces of the jigsaw started to
>fall into place. I have spent far too much energy denying myself and playing
>humble.
It is good to be humble... :) Unless it interferes with what Goddess
wants. Don't hide your light under a bucket... go ahead and shine on!
> I recognise now that Goddess is using me to awaken people. This has
>been hard for me to accept even though you and I discussed this a few months
>ago and you wrote me an email with "notes for a Shaktipat Master."
:)
> I thought
>"Me? Master? Don't know about that." But I guess there is some truth in it
>even if I feel a little awkward about the title : )
Yeah, me too. I prefer "Mystress" since nobody knows what the heck it
means... ;) It is not like anybody really "Masters" Shakti. She does as She
pleases, and we just try to stay out of the way. Even so, there are degrees
of Shaktipat Mastery. From "oops, I'm contagious, how did that happen?" to
"here is your full awakening, all knots pierced and major blockages removed."
There is some proficiency to be learned, with regards to clearing
blocks so the Shakti can flow to the crown, but it always depends on the
receptivity of the recipient, and what they can handle. Crown chakra
blockages especially, have to be handled with care because they represent a
larger consciousness shift than the other chakras. The clearing process is
a few techniques and a lot of surrender and inner guidance to know which
technique to use, when and with whom... and when to keep your nose out of it.
>Also Im not really fully aware of the what the role involves. We were never
>given guidance on spontaneous Kundalini awakenings on my massage course!
Heh. Well, I have been the vessel of awakening for a lot of folks whom
I never heard from again, even a ton of folks I never met, who were
awakened through the grounding pages... Goddess has it handled. My
Shaktipat tends to be gentle, "To each according to their need and ability
to receive, and not more than they can handle". It is nice if you can be
available for some hand holding afterwards, to give reassurance and help
them handle whatever comes up.
>I guess Goddess has it handled and as you suggested, I should focus on
Namaste.
Yup.
>The bit that makes me uncomfortable is the adulation, obsession and praise
>that they give to me.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I enjoy it, and don't take it too
seriously... unless they become obsessed stalkers... best to remember,
that they are seeing themselves reflected. Their own divinity. It is not
about you, really. Usually they do not even *see* you, the human
individual... like you are standing behind a mirror. When you become aware
of this, it feels kind of lonely... the human being is invisible.
Even so, I think that the "falling in love with the Guru" thing, is
"as Goddess wills", nearly always. It makes them pay attention to what you
have to say, makes them more receptive, and tends to wear off once it's
purpose is done. Functional.
It can be tricky tightrope-walking to not take advantage of it...
especially when they are wanting you to! I know, a lot of people have some
big issues about sex with devotees being an abuse of power, and certainly
there are plenty of scandals around, supposedly celibate Gurus like
Muktananda seducing young girls... but I am more openminded, and tend to
take it on an individual basis. If someone is trying really hard to seduce
me, I might allow them to succeed, depending... but I'm not the aggressive
one who initiates things.
Sometimes it can be OK, fun and intimate sharing and sometimes it leads
to a wreckage of misunderstandings and broken hearts. Not so romantic
anyhow, when you know that you as a human is invisible and they are only
after you for the shaktizap.
Helps to remember that a romance with a recipient won't last... no
matter how adoring they are, or how sincere the protestations of eternal
devotion that are inspired by the moment, they will move on once they have
gotten what they need from you. Best to keep some detached distance and see
if they are still interested once they have stabilized. Nice, when seekers
stick around after the work is done, and become friends.
There may be a few who cling to the obsession because they do not want
to take responsibility for themselves, or because their own DB is playing a
game of wearing your face in their minds... but they are few and usually
you will get a sense of when to kick them to the curb. Giving heroin to an
addict is not kindness, nor is giving attention to someone who is addicted
to you, obsessed.
>I have learned from you that it is best to pass it on
>to Goddess as karma follows responsibility so I will be mindful of that
>lesson. Should I include something about this in my marketing literature and
>website? I dont think I would know where to start explaining something that
>"could" happen.
I would not explain much. Just put something really simple, to the
effect that your sessions have been known to cause Kundalini awakening, in
the receptive. Those who want to know more, will ask. Those to whom it
happens, at least they have been warned, and you can give additional
attention to them, and direct them to other resources. You might want to
create a second handout, to give to those folks.
You are not doing it deliberately, so Goddess is doing it through you,
and you can trust Her discernment... even so, you might want to have a chat
with Her, about what She is up to, and perhaps what sort of people you
prefer to deal with. The role is a little bit negotiable. Negotiation is
not unconditional surrender, but Mercy is there, for the asking.
For example, I have knocked people into Samadhi accidentally, blank
stare and nobody home... I find it kind of unsettling so I prefer to be
gentler and have them stay conscious. I also prefer to attract people who
are fairly stable and sane. I have dealt with too many crazy people. I have
also knocked people into intense cathartic fits of crying out their
karma... ditto. Big dramatic healing is pretty cool, but slow and steady is
easier on us both.
So, think of what kind of Shaktipat Master you want to be, pray for
that, and surrender it. "Here is my comfort zone, but Thy will be done."
Usually, Goddess Mistress will respect your limits, and expand them at a
rate you can handle.
>I was both breech and C section. I was healthy when I was born but 24 hours
>after I was born I came down with a mystery virus that nearly killed me. The
>doctor told my mum that the next 24 hours would be critical and to pray for
>me. In case you are wondering......... I made it LOL
Heh. :) Yeah, you had second thoughts once your tiny intuitive self
got a sense of how tough things would be. It all looked like fun, planning
things from up there where pain and fear do not exist. We went from "oh
cool, what an adventure, I can handle it" to "Oh shit, what have I gotten
myself into, lemme outa here!!"
> > Love you, Charles!
>
>Is that an order???
>
>Loving Me, Charles xxx
LOL!! Yes!
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