To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/05/01 20:52
Subject: [K-list] heartache; please help, if you can
From: Shellelr
On 2003/05/01 20:52, Shellelr posted thus to the K-list:
My wonderful old companion, my cat Sandy, who has been with me since the day he was born, June 1, 1985, is terribly ill. Last May he went blind and I was told that his kidneys were failing, and that he had two months to live. What actually happened is that he adjusted pretty well to being blind, and is still here now.
Last week he had a stroke. He now sometimes has normal moments, but otherwise he goes into these states where he must incessantly walk around the house, or in tight circles. He staggers and stumbles and climbs anything in his path and gets himself into very tight spots and does not know where he is or how to get out, but just stands there till I rescue him. Last night he got himself stuck across the top of a wire trash can in my livingroom and screamed until I came and rescued him. His disorientation was so bad that I had to watch him constantly and try to get him to settle down and sleep. I only slept about two hours because of having to remain vigilant, and was quite sure that today I would have to end it, for his sake and frankly, mine. But he was so much better this morning. Twice now he has been so bad at night that I feel that I must somehow find the courage to have him euthanized, but both times he rallied the next morning, behaving pretty normally and eating like a horse.
I do not think he is in great pain, but it is very sad to see him struggling and ill and disoriented. He is quite frail. I just can't quite figure out the correct thing to do. It doesn't feel right for me to cause the end of his life. I tend to believe there would be karmic repercussions, and that nature must run its course. I think that Hindu and Buddhist teachings tell us not to kill, right? But last night he was so bad that I pretty much decided that bad karma and whatever that would entail would be worth it, and I'd accept it, if I could just be brave and end his misery.
Today I bought a puppy playpen fence thing, about 4' x 4', to put him in when he has those circling/wandering episodes, to try to safely and comfortably contain him. If this doesn't work, I don't know what else to do; I don't know if I can keep him safe when he wanders and gets stuck somewhere. I am afraid to leave him alone in the house and will try putting him in the playpen when I need to go anywhere.
I would like to hear some of your knowledge/perspectives/experiences. Please be gentle.
Thank you,
Shelle
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